Purging my husband’s hoard?

[Anonymous]

Let him choose some of your stuff to get rid of - win/win!

[Anonymous]

DO IT. Trust me, he will never know. The spouse is either a hoarder too, or an enabler. I remember a show on TV about hoarding and there was a couple in G-burg. She was the problem. They asked him.." How did you let it go on so long."
He just stared blankly. Don't stare....throw it out...all of it. Put him on notice...you might get your own place if you need to and arrange for Social Servuces to deal with him.

[Anonymous]

I'm in this situation and I"m doing its very, very slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO IT. Trust me, he will never know. The spouse is either a hoarder too, or an enabler. I remember a show on TV about hoarding and there was a couple in G-burg. She was the problem. They asked him.." How did you let it go on so long."
He just stared blankly. Don't stare....throw it out...all of it. Put him on notice...you might get your own place if you need to and arrange for Social Servuces to deal with him.

OK....

It doesn't at all sound like OP's husband is THAT kind of hoarder.

[Anonymous]

If I did this, wifey would not be pleased!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt he’s an actual hoarder. Cut the exaggeration. YOU don’t see a use for it, so you want it gone. I’m sure you have plenty of knickknacks, shoes, purses, flowerpots, some crap he doesn’t understand why you keep. It sounds reasonable to keep some of these things. I too once lost over 20 pounds and was a bit scared to get rid of my old clothes. It probably took me 4-5 years of staying my new, smaller size to get rid of all my old clothes. As far as certain jackets, I’m 38, and in my parents’ basement I still have some of my old high school jackets and travel sports team jackets. My DAD, who is 72, still has all his old trophies. We aren’t hoarders. We aren’t up to our eyeballs in junk. Get a grip.

That's you, but you don't know OP's husband. Why do you assume he's the same as you rather than trusting her judgement? Are you defensive because people have been calling you a hoarder?

Not at all. She simply didn’t describe anything that could be remotely construed as actual, mental illness hoarding. And people on DCUM have been known to exaggerate or slant a story their way.

She never said he was a HOARDER, she said he was HOARDING. Which is a verb. Which is different than the mental illnesses that cause hoarding. Calm the f down.

[Anonymous]

Another great idea is (if he is away or travelling on business especially) stage a flood and throw it all out telling him there was mold on it. "If only it wasn't all laying around on the floor in boxes we would be fine, darnit..."

And then act like you got the new part for the water heater, etc. You can act like the one who had to deal with/clean up/arrange handyman so he won't focus on what was lost... you can act like the victim too.

If he's not away, just make sure he's far enough away that he can't come home quickly- give you a few hours to ditch it all and spray water all over the floor.

[Anonymous]

Personally I wouldn’t throw away someone else’s property w/out their consent.

It just seems WRONG to me.

Plus Hoarders tend to go a little crazy when their things are being tossed aside.

Have you guys ever seen an episode of the show??!
Many Hoarders throw terrible fits when someone tries to throw away their expired yogurt w/mold in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO IT. Trust me, he will never know. The spouse is either a hoarder too, or an enabler. I remember a show on TV about hoarding and there was a couple in G-burg. She was the problem. They asked him.." How did you let it go on so long."
He just stared blankly. Don't stare....throw it out...all of it. Put him on notice...you might get your own place if you need to and arrange for Social Servuces to deal with him.

This shows you don't know anything about hoarding, and the reason this poor man stared blankly is that he knew very well he was expected to come up with a sound bite, instead of a lengthy explanation as to all the things he tried, all the suffering and pain he endured, and how basically his life was ruined.

TRUE HOARDERS HARDLY EVER ACCEPT THAT SOMEONE ELSE TOUCH THEIR STUFF.
IF YOU GET RID OF THEIR THINGS, THEY MAY CUT YOU OFF FOR EVER.
THEY WILL ALSO RE-ACCUMULATE.

[Anonymous]

Is he an ACTUAL hoarder or does he just collect stuff and he's worried about gaining weight back.

Personally I'd have him try on the motorcycle jacket to see if it fits. You wear those to look good not just to ride a motorcycle.

[Anonymous]

I had a colleague who loves to declutter and get organized. His wife is the opposite. His solution is to bag up some of her excess stuff (extra fabric, bits and pieces from different sewing projects) and leave the bags in the basement. After a year if she hadn't looked for it he gets rid of the bags. He's been doing it for years and she's never once missed what he tossed out.

I thought it's a good solution. My husband also likes to hold onto things "just in case." But he is woefully disorganized and can never find anything he's stashed away long ago. If I throw out some of his college text books (from 35 years ago) I bet he wouldn't even notice.

[Anonymous]

I have a packrat (not hoarder) DH who is always concerned that we might need the stuff someday. Things that have helped:

(1) reminding him that I would rather risk paying $5 to buy a new one than store this one for ten years just in case (he grew up poor)
(2) saying that someone else needs it - he's generous but wants his stuff to be valued
(3) forcing him to contain his clutter. Ex: he has a box of wires that he can't possibly know what's in there, but he can keep it. He is not allowed to start a second box of wires, though, and if a new wire doesn't fit, he has to get rid of an old one to make it fit or get rid of the new one. He gets to make all the choices involved, and he agreed to the size of the box.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the leather jacket, people! You're giving his hoarding tendencies validity! I'm imagining it to look like an 80s members only jacket- probably hopelessly out of date. But if it was just one jacket/good memories and he wanted to keep it, it wouldn't be a problem. Fine, keep the jacket, but the rest is gone!

[Anonymous]

OP here and I didn’t think people would think I meant he was a hoarder. He’s not. He’s good about getting rid of things when the mood strikes him—which isn’t often. We need the space, so the time needs to be now. He refuses to condense his things, and these are the things that he doesn’t need to keep (like I said, I would never get rid of his sentimental things, but old jeans?) And yes, I have four bags of my own junk that’s ready to be donated/thrown away.

I appreciate the advice.

[Anonymous]

OP -- Thanks for the clarification. I hate how people use the word hoarder for anyone with even the slightest amount of clutter. There is a huge difference between someone who just has some extra stuff and someone who keeps old food containers and pillars of stacked newspapers and junked mail around.