Close to sexless marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a close to sexless marriage and don’t know what to do. We’ve been married for four years and sex has never been that consistent. He’s a once a week guy. He used to drink a lot and couldn’t perform when he’d been drinking. I was often very frustrated sexually. Looking back, I should have left.

Then I got pregnant. He wouldn’t have sex with me while pregnant as he couldn’t stay hard. I went almost a year not having sex. Our son is almost a 1.5 and on average we have sex once a month. I have so much resentment that even if he wanted to have sex, I don’t want to.

Has anyone dealt with this and turned the marriage around? I don’t even know where to start.

are you able to Mas!urbate to relieve the stress? do that while you wait him out.

[Anonymous]

It can be worse, I assure you. We have had years-long sex droughts after each kid. Combination of resentment, body image issues, and low testerone. I would be happy getting back to once a month. Talk to him, schedule regular date nights and see if you can get back to 3-4 times a month. Once a week is not bad in marriage, especially with small kids, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has performance issues which are impacting his desire. Fixing this starts with his willingness to address his impotence. Is he on meds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain from the man’s perspective. My wife thinks once s month is plenty and barely let’s me touch her anymore.

Why can't you and OP have a safe sexual relationship so neither of you are single parents.

I would get the spouse approval but sounds like a winner!

It’s odd isn’t it? How you have two people who would love to have sex with the person they care about and their partner isn’t interested. If only this can be weeded our in the beginning so people who don’t think sex is important could just hook up and be miserable with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can be worse, I assure you. We have had years-long sex droughts after each kid. Combination of resentment, body image issues, and low testerone. I would be happy getting back to once a month. Talk to him, schedule regular date nights and see if you can get back to 3-4 times a month. Once a week is not bad in marriage, especially with small kids, in my opinion.

I don’t know how people do it. I couldn’t, and lack of sex is certain to lead to an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anything less than once a day is a drought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain from the man’s perspective. My wife thinks once s month is plenty and barely let’s me touch her anymore.

Why can't you and OP have a safe sexual relationship so neither of you are single parents.

I would get the spouse approval but sounds like a winner!

It’s odd isn’t it? How you have two people who would love to have sex with the person they care about and their partner isn’t interested. If only this can be weeded our in the beginning so people who don’t think sex is important could just hook up and be miserable with each other.

I agree with this...but also have to admit things changed for me personally. I don't think the role of long term birth control gets enough attention as a HUGE factor in such things! Like many women, I was on birth control for YEARS, starting at around 17 all the way through until I was married and ready to start thinking about getting pregnant at 32. Omg...I had no idea I was such a horny freak! Seriously, the change was pronounced. I could not believe how much I was suddenly thinking about sex and how raunchy I felt. We had always had a fine sex life - I think it could best be described as "perfectly nice". But my husband is 5 years older than me and looking back he was never high drive...he was more a ~once a week guy, which was fine with me for all those years. Here's how I would best describe it: on the pill, I really didn't think about sex very often - it's more like we'd start doing something, and then I'd get turned on and be into it. Off the pill...I was automatically wet down there and day dreaming about sex half the month. ''Twas crazy! Anywsys, point being I think especially in low drive men relationships, a lot of times the problem is that things change on the woman's side, as the man (who never had a crazy high drive) gets older and continues to get further away from his sexual prime. It sounds cliche but I'm 36 and feel like I'm just staaarting to approach mine. If you'd told me even 5 years ago how important the role of sex would be for me, I wouldn't have believed you.

I wonder a lot how I will talk to my daughter(s) about this stuff. I was raised Catholic - not a strict catholic family, but my parents literally just never talked to us about sex (/never acknowledged that it was even a thing, really). I like to think I will find a way to convey to my children that sex is important and a valid relationship criteria, without coming across as the wannabe cool mom from mean girls...

[Anonymous]

You asked for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain from the man’s perspective. My wife thinks once s month is plenty and barely let’s me touch her anymore.

Why can't you and OP have a safe sexual relationship so neither of you are single parents.

I would get the spouse approval but sounds like a winner!

It’s odd isn’t it? How you have two people who would love to have sex with the person they care about and their partner isn’t interested. If only this can be weeded our in the beginning so people who don’t think sex is important could just hook up and be miserable with each other.

I agree with this...but also have to admit things changed for me personally. I don't think the role of long term birth control gets enough attention as a HUGE factor in such things! Like many women, I was on birth control for YEARS, starting at around 17 all the way through until I was married and ready to start thinking about getting pregnant at 32. Omg...I had no idea I was such a horny freak! Seriously, the change was pronounced. I could not believe how much I was suddenly thinking about sex and how raunchy I felt. We had always had a fine sex life - I think it could best be described as "perfectly nice". But my husband is 5 years older than me and looking back he was never high drive...he was more a ~once a week guy, which was fine with me for all those years. Here's how I would best describe it: on the pill, I really didn't think about sex very often - it's more like we'd start doing something, and then I'd get turned on and be into it. Off the pill...I was automatically wet down there and day dreaming about sex half the month. ''Twas crazy! Anywsys, point being I think especially in low drive men relationships, a lot of times the problem is that things change on the woman's side, as the man (who never had a crazy high drive) gets older and continues to get further away from his sexual prime. It sounds cliche but I'm 36 and feel like I'm just staaarting to approach mine. If you'd told me even 5 years ago how important the role of sex would be for me, I wouldn't have believed you.

I wonder a lot how I will talk to my daughter(s) about this stuff. I was raised Catholic - not a strict catholic family, but my parents literally just never talked to us about sex (/never acknowledged that it was even a thing, really). I like to think I will find a way to convey to my children that sex is important and a valid relationship criteria, without coming across as the wannabe cool mom from mean girls...

Once a week isn’t enough for me and I’m 40. I could every day but my wife isn’t even good with twice a week. She’s okay with once every week to two weeks. I go nuts after three days. Being away on work is one thing, I understand. When you’re laying in the bed next to me and constantly reject me I take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave. It's not like you ever had an awesome sex life with the guy, it sounds mediocre at best. The why isn't that important, but that it's gotten worse matters. Do you want to spend your life this way?

No but I’m not sure being a single mom will be better.

My friend divorced her husband after 14 years. This and his kids were the 2 top reasons. We all tried to convince her how stupid that would be because for the most part he was a ok guy. Plus she didn't have to work and they had quite a bit. Well she found the loser that liked to have sex everyday, but then she had a whole different set of problems. She tried to get back with her husband. Too late, and didn't end well for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain from the man’s perspective. My wife thinks once s month is plenty and barely let’s me touch her anymore.

Why can't you and OP have a safe sexual relationship so neither of you are single parents.

I would get the spouse approval but sounds like a winner!

It’s odd isn’t it? How you have two people who would love to have sex with the person they care about and their partner isn’t interested. If only this can be weeded our in the beginning so people who don’t think sex is important could just hook up and be miserable with each other.

I agree with this...but also have to admit things changed for me personally. I don't think the role of long term birth control gets enough attention as a HUGE factor in such things! Like many women, I was on birth control for YEARS, starting at around 17 all the way through until I was married and ready to start thinking about getting pregnant at 32. Omg...I had no idea I was such a horny freak! Seriously, the change was pronounced. I could not believe how much I was suddenly thinking about sex and how raunchy I felt. We had always had a fine sex life - I think it could best be described as "perfectly nice". But my husband is 5 years older than me and looking back he was never high drive...he was more a ~once a week guy, which was fine with me for all those years. Here's how I would best describe it: on the pill, I really didn't think about sex very often - it's more like we'd start doing something, and then I'd get turned on and be into it. Off the pill...I was automatically wet down there and day dreaming about sex half the month. ''Twas crazy! Anywsys, point being I think especially in low drive men relationships, a lot of times the problem is that things change on the woman's side, as the man (who never had a crazy high drive) gets older and continues to get further away from his sexual prime. It sounds cliche but I'm 36 and feel like I'm just staaarting to approach mine. If you'd told me even 5 years ago how important the role of sex would be for me, I wouldn't have believed you.

I wonder a lot how I will talk to my daughter(s) about this stuff. I was raised Catholic - not a strict catholic family, but my parents literally just never talked to us about sex (/never acknowledged that it was even a thing, really). I like to think I will find a way to convey to my children that sex is important and a valid relationship criteria, without coming across as the wannabe cool mom from mean girls...

Once a week isn’t enough for me and I’m 40. I could every day but my wife isn’t even good with twice a week. She’s okay with once every week to two weeks. I go nuts after three days. Being away on work is one thing, I understand. When you’re laying in the bed next to me and constantly reject me I take it personally.

What exactly are you responding to with that?

If you're responding to my post, I'm not saying once a week is enough for you. I'm saying that, for example, in my case my husband has always been relatively lower drive...this worked fine before because I didn't have a booming sex drive either. we have normal, regular sex and both always left satisfied and it was just fine. There was no lying in bed rejecting, it was a great frequency for both of us. But then MY sex drive changed, and that's why it's become an issue now. He really hasn't changed, and we weren't mismatched when we got together...I've changed, and I do attribute a big part of it to being off birth control. Ask (almost) anyone - your sex drive on and off birth control are wildly different.

That was my point - is yours related to that? It sounds like your story is unrelated - you have a high drive and your wife has a low one, right? Have you always been mismatched?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a close to sexless marriage and don’t know what to do. We’ve been married for four years and sex has never been that consistent. He’s a once a week guy. He used to drink a lot and couldn’t perform when he’d been drinking. I was often very frustrated sexually. Looking back, I should have left.

Then I got pregnant. He wouldn’t have sex with me while pregnant as he couldn’t stay hard. I went almost a year not having sex. Our son is almost a 1.5 and on average we have sex once a month. I have so much resentment that even if he wanted to have sex, I don’t want to.

Has anyone dealt with this and turned the marriage around? I don’t even know where to start.

Have you tried chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave. It's not like you ever had an awesome sex life with the guy, it sounds mediocre at best. The why isn't that important, but that it's gotten worse matters. Do you want to spend your life this way?

No but I’m not sure being a single mom will be better.

Then don’t complain. Sounds like you’ve resigned yourself to this.



Why women have kids with men they’re not totally in love with and crazy about is beyond me.

Because not everyone is fortunate enough to fall madly in love with someone who also loves them back.

If only there was some way to control who you agreed to marry and spread your legs for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain from the man’s perspective. My wife thinks once s month is plenty and barely let’s me touch her anymore.

Why can't you and OP have a safe sexual relationship so neither of you are single parents.

I would get the spouse approval but sounds like a winner!

It’s odd isn’t it? How you have two people who would love to have sex with the person they care about and their partner isn’t interested. If only this can be weeded our in the beginning so people who don’t think sex is important could just hook up and be miserable with each other.

I agree with this...but also have to admit things changed for me personally. I don't think the role of long term birth control gets enough attention as a HUGE factor in such things! Like many women, I was on birth control for YEARS, starting at around 17 all the way through until I was married and ready to start thinking about getting pregnant at 32. Omg...I had no idea I was such a horny freak! Seriously, the change was pronounced. I could not believe how much I was suddenly thinking about sex and how raunchy I felt. We had always had a fine sex life - I think it could best be described as "perfectly nice". But my husband is 5 years older than me and looking back he was never high drive...he was more a ~once a week guy, which was fine with me for all those years. Here's how I would best describe it: on the pill, I really didn't think about sex very often - it's more like we'd start doing something, and then I'd get turned on and be into it. Off the pill...I was automatically wet down there and day dreaming about sex half the month. ''Twas crazy! Anywsys, point being I think especially in low drive men relationships, a lot of times the problem is that things change on the woman's side, as the man (who never had a crazy high drive) gets older and continues to get further away from his sexual prime. It sounds cliche but I'm 36 and feel like I'm just staaarting to approach mine. If you'd told me even 5 years ago how important the role of sex would be for me, I wouldn't have believed you.

I wonder a lot how I will talk to my daughter(s) about this stuff. I was raised Catholic - not a strict catholic family, but my parents literally just never talked to us about sex (/never acknowledged that it was even a thing, really). I like to think I will find a way to convey to my children that sex is important and a valid relationship criteria, without coming across as the wannabe cool mom from mean girls...

Once a week isn’t enough for me and I’m 40. I could every day but my wife isn’t even good with twice a week. She’s okay with once every week to two weeks. I go nuts after three days. Being away on work is one thing, I understand. When you’re laying in the bed next to me and constantly reject me I take it personally.

Is she cheating on you?

[Anonymous]

I’m 45 and I could have sex with my wife three times a day. She’s even more beautiful now than when I married her 17 years ago, and 3 kids later. But it only happens once a week now and that’s usually after I badger her.