Where is the line between emotional abuse and regular arguments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It actually happened, repeatedly.

Then you need to know, that it's not normal either that both parties become angry if someone doesn't take the trash out and start an argument.

Ok. Thanks for your insights.

PP, you sound like you’ve been through a lot and learned to manage criticism well. Kudos to you.

Criticism? Manage?

[Anonymous]

OP, checkout loveisrespect.org. I found it very helpful in evaluating my relationship.

Emotional and verbal abuse is tricky. As women, we are conditioned by society that "love is hard," "relationships take work," "no one is perfect," "forgiveness is necessary," etc. All these dynamics help us stay in unhealthy relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It actually happened, repeatedly.

Then you need to know, that it's not normal either that both parties become angry if someone doesn't take the trash out and start an argument.

Ok. Thanks for your insights.

PP, you sound like you’ve been through a lot and learned to manage criticism well. Kudos to you.

Criticism? Manage?

PP. You are the greatest. I feel for you, and relate to you, and am amazed what you got through. You should write a book and tell us how to get out of these bad situations.

Yesterday, I asked DH to start doing more romantic things for me (I generally plan dates, and he doesn't do any of the flowers, chocolates, poetry things ever), and his response was to start yelling at me and tell me how he was slitting his wrists and going to cut himself, because I wasn't going to be happy until he was miserable and all I was trying to do was to hurt him. Of course, I then had to back down and say, no, no.

Any thing you say or do becomes all about how you are attacking them. And, yes, b!+@# is their favorite word.

[Anonymous]

This is a good chart about what is normal and what is dysfunctional:
http://www.thehotline.org/healthy-relationships/relationship-spectrum/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It actually happened, repeatedly.

Then you need to know, that it's not normal either that both parties become angry if someone doesn't take the trash out and start an argument.

Ok. Thanks for your insights.

PP, you sound like you’ve been through a lot and learned to manage criticism well. Kudos to you.

Criticism? Manage?

PP. You are the greatest. I feel for you, and relate to you, and am amazed what you got through. You should write a book and tell us how to get out of these bad situations.

Yesterday, I asked DH to start doing more romantic things for me (I generally plan dates, and he doesn't do any of the flowers, chocolates, poetry things ever), and his response was to start yelling at me and tell me how he was slitting his wrists and going to cut himself, because I wasn't going to be happy until he was miserable and all I was trying to do was to hurt him. Of course, I then had to back down and say, no, no.

Any thing you say or do becomes all about how you are attacking them. And, yes, b!+@# is their favorite word.

Is this a joke? Are you are mental health professional? What is the reason you want to handle what you are describing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It actually happened, repeatedly.

Then you need to know, that it's not normal either that both parties become angry if someone doesn't take the trash out and start an argument.

Ok. Thanks for your insights.

PP, you sound like you’ve been through a lot and learned to manage criticism well. Kudos to you.

Criticism? Manage?

PP. You are the greatest. I feel for you, and relate to you, and am amazed what you got through. You should write a book and tell us how to get out of these bad situations.

Yesterday, I asked DH to start doing more romantic things for me (I generally plan dates, and he doesn't do any of the flowers, chocolates, poetry things ever), and his response was to start yelling at me and tell me how he was slitting his wrists and going to cut himself, because I wasn't going to be happy until he was miserable and all I was trying to do was to hurt him. Of course, I then had to back down and say, no, no.

Any thing you say or do becomes all about how you are attacking them. And, yes, b!+@# is their favorite word.

Is this a joke? Are you are mental health professional? What is the reason you want to handle what you are describing?

I think that poster was mocking the original PP.

[Anonymous]

abuse runs one way, argument runs both ways

[Anonymous]

I am nearing the end of my 17-year marriage (divorce almost final) during which there was daily emotional/mental abuse along with physical abuse sprinkled throughout the years. My therapist recommended a number of books specific to my situation. I found the book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft to be very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am nearing the end of my 17-year marriage (divorce almost final) during which there was daily emotional/mental abuse along with physical abuse sprinkled throughout the years. My therapist recommended a number of books specific to my situation. I found the book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft to be very helpful.

seconded. this was eye opening for me with an ex bf

[Anonymous]

If you are starting to feel crazy, you are in a bad relationship. When I’m single or in a good relationship, I’m not crazy.

[Anonymous]

When it comes to a point where you are asking this question, then in my opinion you have already answered your question.
The line is when it causes one to feel the way that you are feeling. I feel for you and wonder if you have considered relationship counseling.

[Anonymous]

Emotional abuse is when you attack the person, not the problem that you're arguing about. For instance, a normal discussion would be "I need you to step up and do more," abuse is "you are a worthless, lazy POS."

I also believe that it's emotional abuse to scream.

[Anonymous]

08:14 nailed it.

My husband is an expert gaslighter so I know all about it, unfortunately .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a man doing it’s abuse. If it’s a woman doing it, it’s not. Women can not be abusers.

Beat me to it. Only a man can "verbally abuse" someone. No matter how justified he may feel, if he speaks in anger, that's abuse. If you shout and scream and get all crazy on him, that's just his fault for making you that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It actually happened, repeatedly.

Then you need to know, that it's not normal either that both parties become angry if someone doesn't take the trash out and start an argument.

Ok. Thanks for your insights.

PP, you sound like you’ve been through a lot and learned to manage criticism well. Kudos to you.

Criticism? Manage?

PP. You are the greatest. I feel for you, and relate to you, and am amazed what you got through. You should write a book and tell us how to get out of these bad situations.

Yesterday, I asked DH to start doing more romantic things for me (I generally plan dates, and he doesn't do any of the flowers, chocolates, poetry things ever), and his response was to start yelling at me and tell me how he was slitting his wrists and going to cut himself, because I wasn't going to be happy until he was miserable and all I was trying to do was to hurt him. Of course, I then had to back down and say, no, no.

Any thing you say or do becomes all about how you are attacking them. And, yes, b!+@# is their favorite word.

Is this a joke? Are you are mental health professional? What is the reason you want to handle what you are describing?

I think that poster was mocking the original PP.

No, that poster has experienced emotional abuse, controlling behavior by a significant other, and gaslighting. That any of you would find this "unbelievable" enough to say that its not actually real, is a real clue into your privilege and lack of experience with shitty relationships. That's a good thing, but when someone confides in you, try to pretend you care/believe them because that may be what they need in order to take steps to get out. I know from experience that most of the time, abuse victims are NOT believed and become isolated because of the abusers behavior.