SAHM division of duties

[Anonymous]

I do all the important things such as thank you notes, sending flowers and other gifts, organizing parties, organizing the social calendar. DH works outside the home. I hire help for the kids and house cleaning. Now that the kids are in school It is easier because I can visit with friends during the day. I never feel like my DH does his fair share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do all the important things such as thank you notes, sending flowers and other gifts, organizing parties, organizing the social calendar. DH works outside the home. I hire help for the kids and house cleaning. Now that the kids are in school It is easier because I can visit with friends during the day. I never feel like my DH does his fair share.

Ummm... you hired help for kids when they weren’t in school but didn’t work? Does your husband “visit with friends” during the day or you know, earn money to support you? Disgusting.

[Anonymous]

We specialized. I worked outside the home and did house repairs, yard work, bills, inventing... Wife did food shopping, cleaning, cooking, child care.

She decided she wanted a divorce after 14 years.

Post divorce she needed to get a job... a few times a year she calls me and complains about having to work outside the house. I made the mistake of reminding her that is a consequence of divorce. Now periodically she calls and complains about having to work outside the home AND how I'm selfish and heartless because I "don't care" how hard she works.

Point of the story is that people should be more grateful for the work their DH/DW does EVEN IF they don't perceive it as 50/50.

I hated the stress and worry of being the sole money provider for the whole family. Each person carries their own burden.

[Anonymous]

when DH is home at night and on the weekends we split home/child tasks 50/50. i cook dinner, he does dishes, for example. we each have day-to-day and long-term tasks we are responsible for and i think we have divvied it up as equitably as possible in a way that makes sense for our personal strengths. yes, i handle more minutiae, but it's my "job" just as his "job" is earning the family's money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I'm meant to say if you do NOT work outside the home.

If you do not work outside the home, you should consider household management and day-today tasks your job. Major projects will be a cooperative effort, but the day to day drudgery is all yours.

If my husband came home from work to eat the dinner I made for the family and then sat his butt on the couch for the rest of the night while I cleaned the kitchen and put the kids to bed, we would have some issues.

The main issue being you need to go out and get a job if you arent willing to do the work at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We specialized. I worked outside the home and did house repairs, yard work, bills, inventing... Wife did food shopping, cleaning, cooking, child care.

She decided she wanted a divorce after 14 years.

Post divorce she needed to get a job... a few times a year she calls me and complains about having to work outside the house. I made the mistake of reminding her that is a consequence of divorce. Now periodically she calls and complains about having to work outside the home AND how I'm selfish and heartless because I "don't care" how hard she works.

Point of the story is that people should be more grateful for the work their DH/DW does EVEN IF they don't perceive it as 50/50.

I hated the stress and worry of being the sole money provider for the whole family. Each person carries their own burden.

The point of the story is she overvalued everything she did and undervalued what you did.

[Anonymous]

Usually I just leave it on the floor until she picks it up.

[Anonymous]

I do 90% of kids, household, etc and I work part-time

Husband works full time and does about 10% of kids, household etc

Although I need a break every once in a while, I'm fine with it. He has a lot on his plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually I just leave it on the floor until she picks it up.

Honey, is that you???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me: All the laundry, cooking, cleaning up after meals, grocery shopping, banking, managing our investment portfolio, transportation of 3 kids to and from school and to and from extracurriculars, dealing with contractors/home repair, maintaining our cars, managing care takers for my father-in-law who has alzheimers. All of the kids doctor's appointment etc., pet care. We hire house cleaners and landscapers.

DH: Either mows the lawn or has one of our kids do it. What spare time he has, he spends with me or the kids but rarely does any household chores.

We've been in our respective roles for 12 years now and DH would like to trade places. Some days that sounds good to me too. However, when we go through the pros and cons (whatever job I find will pay a fraction of what DH makes, and DH only wants to take on part of my responsibilities, not all of them) we always decide that it is better as is. I am a SAHM of school age kids, and despite handling all of the chores, I do have more free time than DH, who works long hours and travels.

Similar here. DH's job involves long hours and frequent travel. I run the house and raise the kids and this includes cooking, shopping, errands, overseeing the finances, organizing the million and one appointments we all seem to need every year, buy the clothes including for DH, manage the cleaners, make sure the cars are running fine, tidying up when needed, looking after the pets, planning the vacations, making sure we spend enough time with family and friends and to be frank, DH would have no social life without me. Whenever his friends call to set up a tennis or golf game 90% of the time I'm the one answering the phone and confirming if it looks like he has the time free.

I don't mind at all. It's old fashioned but it works well for us. DH brings in a good income that allows us to live comfortably and we're a happy family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I'm meant to say if you do NOT work outside the home.

If you do not work outside the home, you should consider household management and day-today tasks your job. Major projects will be a cooperative effort, but the day to day drudgery is all yours.

If my husband came home from work to eat the dinner I made for the family and then sat his butt on the couch for the rest of the night while I cleaned the kitchen and put the kids to bed, we would have some issues.

I don't count kids as part of the day to day drudgery. So in your example, you would clean up after dinner so DH and kids could play, then you and DH would split bath and bedtime duties.

[Anonymous]

SAHM - vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, kitchen, laundry, childcare

Husband - take out trash, mow lawn, snow removal (ny), car maintenance

We split grocery shopping and cooking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was a SAHM, I did the tasks I could reasonably complete during the day while also taking care of the kids and taking some breaks (just like DH would take breaks at work). Whatever was leftover after he got home in the evening or on the weekend was split 50/50.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I'm meant to say if you do NOT work outside the home.

If you do not work outside the home, you should consider household management and day-today tasks your job. Major projects will be a cooperative effort, but the day to day drudgery is all yours.

Ha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do all the important things such as thank you notes, sending flowers and other gifts, organizing parties, organizing the social calendar. DH works outside the home. I hire help for the kids and house cleaning. Now that the kids are in school It is easier because I can visit with friends during the day. I never feel like my DH does his fair share.

Ummm... you hired help for kids when they weren’t in school but didn’t work? Does your husband “visit with friends” during the day or you know, earn money to support you? Disgusting.

NP. And while I think that PP you’re responding to is trolling, many SAHMs of young kids have childcare help during the week. I have a kid in preschool and the other in 10 hrs of a babysitting share per week. If the family can afford it, what’s the issue?