How to handle a miscarriage at work

[Anonymous]

This thread is depressing as hell. I’m a pregnant biglaw lawyer and if I miscarrry — SEE YA! I’ll be back when I feel like it and I’m not explaining.

[Anonymous]

Op, I took a week off when this happened to me. It was both emotional and physical recovery. You need rest, please take good care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

My situation was a little different but in case it helps someone - I had a very long miscarriage that lasted for three months like a long period. Mostly light to medium flow. Once in a while I would have a painful day and need to leave to lie down with a heating pad. But mostly I just wore pads. Took ibuprofen.. It sucked because I couldn’t wear tampons so I wore granny panties and looser clothing for a few months. My hcg kept going down so I didn’t have to get a D&C....it just took a verrrrry long time. No way I could have taken off that much time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is depressing as hell. I’m a pregnant biglaw lawyer and if I miscarrry — SEE YA! I’ll be back when I feel like it and I’m not explaining.

seriously. some people here are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on your access to a bathroom. With my various miscarriages I pretty much had to run to the bathroom once an hour to pass whatever. But usually that only lasted a day or two and after that was just heavy bleeding, manageable with a pad. If you are passing tissue for more than 2-3 days, I'd call your doctor.

Sick leave probably is best, though I understand it's hard with the shutdown and you would understandably be reluctant to disclose the miscarriage. I came close to a similar situation myself with my last miscarriage -- suspected ectopic and they insisted methotrexate had to be scheduled for a Tuesday that I had an oral argument. I was NOT looking forward to giving a reason to my boss -- or the court -- for that one. Fortunately I miscarried naturally the day before.

It really comes down to either toughing it out with lots of pads and hourly bathroom checks, or sick leave and likely telling them the reason. (Although, if you are a nonessential fed, you will not be allowed to take sick leave -- you would simply not report in and not be paid. No leave is permitted during the shutdown.)

When did we get to the point that a woman cannot take a sick day when she had miscarriage?

You can, of course, but many work places will require you to give a reason -- or at least doing so would be prudent if you are high up in your organization and don't want to be seen as a slacker when an important project is at stake. I don't know about you, but acknowledging miscarriage (or early pregnancy) is not something I'm interested in doing at work.

And the no sick leave if shut down is the law. If the government is shut down, all fed leave is canceled. Of course you don't report for work. But you can't call it sick leave, either. In the government you can't just take a "sick day"; you have to accrue and use actual hours of sick leave.

one (unexplained) day off = slacker. unbelievable.

Ok, so you're the boss, and on a key day for an unpopular project when all hands are supposed to be on board, one of the people administering the project calls in sick. What are your first thoughts? If you think "oh well, happens to everyone, let's cut her a break" then good for you, but you are in the minority in the work place. At least any place I've ever worked. I think most people think "geez, unless it's the flu, it couldn't kill her to suck it up and come in for one day?" or "yeah right, just because you don't like this project doesn't mean you get to dump it on everyone else."

I'm a federal supervisor and pretty lax about these things because I work in a small office where we've all known each other for years. I don't usually ask for explanations unless it's an ongoing trend or seems fishy. But other supervisors do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Ok, so you're the boss, and on a key day for an unpopular project when all hands are supposed to be on board, one of the people administering the project calls in sick. What are your first thoughts? If you think "oh well, happens to everyone, let's cut her a break" then good for you, but you are in the minority in the work place. At least any place I've ever worked. I think most people think "geez, unless it's the flu, it couldn't kill her to suck it up and come in for one day?" or "yeah right, just because you don't like this project doesn't mean you get to dump it on everyone else."

I'm a federal supervisor and pretty lax about these things because I work in a small office where we've all known each other for years. I don't usually ask for explanations unless it's an ongoing trend or seems fishy. But other supervisors do.

Anywhere I've ever worked, if the person has a good track record for being reliable and committed...if they call in sick on a day like this I assume something must be really bad/wrong. I would especially think this when it comes to the bosses I've had, because they've all been super-committed workaholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on your access to a bathroom. With my various miscarriages I pretty much had to run to the bathroom once an hour to pass whatever. But usually that only lasted a day or two and after that was just heavy bleeding, manageable with a pad. If you are passing tissue for more than 2-3 days, I'd call your doctor.

Sick leave probably is best, though I understand it's hard with the shutdown and you would understandably be reluctant to disclose the miscarriage. I came close to a similar situation myself with my last miscarriage -- suspected ectopic and they insisted methotrexate had to be scheduled for a Tuesday that I had an oral argument. I was NOT looking forward to giving a reason to my boss -- or the court -- for that one. Fortunately I miscarried naturally the day before.

It really comes down to either toughing it out with lots of pads and hourly bathroom checks, or sick leave and likely telling them the reason. (Although, if you are a nonessential fed, you will not be allowed to take sick leave -- you would simply not report in and not be paid. No leave is permitted during the shutdown.)

When did we get to the point that a woman cannot take a sick day when she had miscarriage?

You can, of course, but many work places will require you to give a reason -- or at least doing so would be prudent if you are high up in your organization and don't want to be seen as a slacker when an important project is at stake. I don't know about you, but acknowledging miscarriage (or early pregnancy) is not something I'm interested in doing at work.

And the no sick leave if shut down is the law. If the government is shut down, all fed leave is canceled. Of course you don't report for work. But you can't call it sick leave, either. In the government you can't just take a "sick day"; you have to accrue and use actual hours of sick leave.

one (unexplained) day off = slacker. unbelievable.

Ok, so you're the boss, and on a key day for an unpopular project when all hands are supposed to be on board, one of the people administering the project calls in sick. What are your first thoughts? If you think "oh well, happens to everyone, let's cut her a break" then good for you, but you are in the minority in the work place. At least any place I've ever worked. I think most people think "geez, unless it's the flu, it couldn't kill her to suck it up and come in for one day?" or "yeah right, just because you don't like this project doesn't mean you get to dump it on everyone else."

I'm a federal supervisor and pretty lax about these things because I work in a small office where we've all known each other for years. I don't usually ask for explanations unless it's an ongoing trend or seems fishy. But other supervisors do.

what I think will 100% depend on the person's record. I would never assume the person was a slacker based on one unexplained sick day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is depressing as hell. I’m a pregnant biglaw lawyer and if I miscarrry — SEE YA! I’ll be back when I feel like it and I’m not explaining.

seriously. some people here are insane.

I feel bad for OP that she feels like she can't a sick day after a freakin` miscarriage. What a world. I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is depressing as hell. I’m a pregnant biglaw lawyer and if I miscarrry — SEE YA! I’ll be back when I feel like it and I’m not explaining.

seriously. some people here are insane.

+1. If I have a miscarriage, the last thing I worry about is whether I’m being seen as a slacker. Seriously. I was told my HR that I’m not required by law to disclose the reason why I take a sick leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ok, so you're the boss, and on a key day for an unpopular project when all hands are supposed to be on board, one of the people administering the project calls in sick. What are your first thoughts? If you think "oh well, happens to everyone, let's cut her a break" then good for you, but you are in the minority in the work place. At least any place I've ever worked. I think most people think "geez, unless it's the flu, it couldn't kill her to suck it up and come in for one day?" or "yeah right, just because you don't like this project doesn't mean you get to dump it on everyone else."

I'm a federal supervisor and pretty lax about these things because I work in a small office where we've all known each other for years. I don't usually ask for explanations unless it's an ongoing trend or seems fishy. But other supervisors do.

Anywhere I've ever worked, if the person has a good track record for being reliable and committed...if they call in sick on a day like this I assume something must be really bad/wrong. I would especially think this when it comes to the bosses I've had, because they've all been super-committed workaholics.

You're probably right. I guess I just don't want to take the chance, and at least with my experience of miscarriages, by day 4 or 5 it's just heavy bleeding. I was physically and emotionally able to go into work with all of them after day 2, and in fact I preferred it that way. To each their own. Unsurprisingly, I am also in the camp of waiting to tell about a viable pregnancy as long as possible. I told at 20 weeks with my first and 22 weeks with my second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is depressing as hell. I’m a pregnant biglaw lawyer and if I miscarrry — SEE YA! I’ll be back when I feel like it and I’m not explaining.

I couldn’t cancel a deposition with no explanation. Good Lord. Also in biglaw, if not obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I took a week off when this happened to me. It was both emotional and physical recovery. You need rest, please take good care of yourself.

A week? That seems excessive (assuming it was when you were in the first trimester.) And yes, I’ve miscarried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is depressing as hell. I’m a pregnant biglaw lawyer and if I miscarrry — SEE YA! I’ll be back when I feel like it and I’m not explaining.

I couldn’t cancel a deposition with no explanation. Good Lord. Also in biglaw, if not obvious.

I dunno, I might. Depends on the deposition. Shit happens.

[Anonymous]

I had a miscarriage at 5w6d and ended up in the ER after hemorrhaging on the third day. It happens. I lost so much blood I couldn’t walk 50 feet without sitting down for 10 mins afterwards. So your easy miscarriage isn’t every case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on your access to a bathroom. With my various miscarriages I pretty much had to run to the bathroom once an hour to pass whatever. But usually that only lasted a day or two and after that was just heavy bleeding, manageable with a pad. If you are passing tissue for more than 2-3 days, I'd call your doctor.

Sick leave probably is best, though I understand it's hard with the shutdown and you would understandably be reluctant to disclose the miscarriage. I came close to a similar situation myself with my last miscarriage -- suspected ectopic and they insisted methotrexate had to be scheduled for a Tuesday that I had an oral argument. I was NOT looking forward to giving a reason to my boss -- or the court -- for that one. Fortunately I miscarried naturally the day before.

It really comes down to either toughing it out with lots of pads and hourly bathroom checks, or sick leave and likely telling them the reason. (Although, if you are a nonessential fed, you will not be allowed to take sick leave -- you would simply not report in and not be paid. No leave is permitted during the shutdown.)

When did we get to the point that a woman cannot take a sick day when she had miscarriage?

You can, of course, but many work places will require you to give a reason -- or at least doing so would be prudent if you are high up in your organization and don't want to be seen as a slacker when an important project is at stake. I don't know about you, but acknowledging miscarriage (or early pregnancy) is not something I'm interested in doing at work.

And the no sick leave if shut down is the law. If the government is shut down, all fed leave is canceled. Of course you don't report for work. But you can't call it sick leave, either. In the government you can't just take a "sick day"; you have to accrue and use actual hours of sick leave.

Not sure how it is in the government, but I never can find my bosses in the office, and they have no issues with shifting responsibilities to others, empowering as they would call it. Also, working remotely is always an option for us. I am 8 weeks pregnant and worked 72 hrs last week, I couldn’t do it anymore, so I told my bosses that I am reducing my schedule to the required at this time 55 hr weeks (tax reform). There are so many jobs in NOVA, honestly I would rather take a $30k pay cut and work 50 hrs per week. I am one level down below my bosses and exhausted from covering for all personal items that people constantly have coming up, when we are already operating in an environment with short resources.

Also, probably a separate discussion, I find that women have harder times relying on her subordinates, and typically are more in control of their projects, resulting in noone being able to cover for them... but also, often at my job we hire bunch of bodies that are not able to do the job.