9-month-old standing in crib crying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a short phase. They soon learn that standing in a crib sucks and they lay down (and cry).

We would go in and rub the baby's tummy until she stopped crying and then turned on her einstein monitor. Repeat. Repeat. She learned very quickly that she wasn't getting out of this crib and that we hadn't disappeared forever, but she was sleeping in this crib by herself. Sometimes if it's super bad, we nursed or gave a milk bottle.

OP again. We tried something like this a few times (halfheartedly and haphazardly, I admit) - leaving him in the crib but trying to comfort him while he's in there, but it seemed like going in and not picking him up got him more upset than if we had never come in in the first place. Did your baby cry harder at first but eventually allow herself to be comforted in the crib, or did she calm down immediately?

She calmed down immediately when she saw us and we patted her stomach. It was maybe 5-10 minutes of stomach patting, so not quick. If the crying continued, we'd check for poop because DD poops a lot. In severe cases, we'd rock and sing to her, but no more than 1 minute past when she stops crying. I can't think of one time that she got to leave the nursery though.

Her Einstein aquarium mobile really comforts her. She loves pushing the button and watching it and I think it helps soothe her to sleep.

[Anonymous]

I could've written this. It often seemed like my son would get more upset when we came in. But DH would get him the settle and they'd sleep in the rocker together. More bad habits. Eventually we buckled down and let him cry because going in wasn't helping - he'd cry as soon as we put him back in the crib. Surprisingly he never cried more than 20 minutes and after a few nights he stopped. Fingers crossed - he's slept thru the night 3 out of the past 5 nights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are inadvertently positively reinforcing his persistence. If you eventually pick him up, he will continue to do this. I suggest retreading Ferber. My impulse would be to go in at intervals, tell him it’s sleep time but don’t pick him up. You have to re sleep train. The advantage now versus six months is that although it may not seem that way, he more or less understands what you say to him.

this.

[Anonymous]

We had to do CIO. One of us would go in just to make sure something wasn't wrong. Then told him it was time to sleep and we walked out. I think the first time was the worst and he cried for 45 mins. The next night it was 20 and the night after not even 15. After that no crying.

We did have to redo it a few times after illness or teething. But usually 1 night of 10-15 mins of crying and he was good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you all for the tips. As one PP suggested, it seems like this might be separation anxiety related. In addition to the sleep issues, I've noticed that while in the morning before work I used to be able to set him in his crib with a toy or cloth book and he'd play happily for 15-20 minutes while I got ready and before the nanny arrived, now he'll stand up in the crib and fuss/yell (not full-on crying) until I come back or until nanny shows up, though he'll also play a little bit during that time. If it's separation anxiety that's fueling this, will re-sleep training make it worse? We had a shockingly easy time sleep training the first time around (first night, he literally cried for 1 minute and then fell asleep), so I don't have a great sense of how much prolonged crying he'll do before he wears himself out, if he ever does indeed wear himself out. I also of course don't want to make the anxiety worse by letting him CIO if that's the wrong approach.

For the PP who said to ease up on sleep training, but be consistent - what should we consistently be doing?

PP here. Yes, it sounds like separation anxiety from the daytime behavior. In my experience, trying to leave them alone to CIO during separation anxiety just makes them more stimulated and worked up (depending on temperament -- if you've got a persistent/aware one, as I did, it never worked). What did work for us at that age was PUPD (pick up put down). We'd go in after a minute or two of crying, soothe, and when baby stopped crying and calmed down, put the baby down and say it's time to go to sleep. Usually that worked within 20 minutes or so, but it may take longer for you. The point is to reassure them consistently but also let them know that it's OK for them to feel their own tiredness and go to sleep.

It's a phase and exhausting but it passes. Some things you can do at that age to help with separation anxiety -- peekaboo games or any kinds of things where you "play" during the day with funny hiding. Something they can tolerate and laugh at, then slowly make yourself hide for longer and further away. The point is for them to experience the anxiety but in a cathartic way. If they go through this phase later, like around 2, the same kind of game works. Laura Markham talks about it on her blog -- you do peekaboo further and further away from their bed. According to her they are supposed to laugh/cry at the same time and feel relieved. I thought this was so nuts, but after a crazy separation anxiety phase at naptime I tried it one day and my child reacted exactly as she described -- crying, laughing, and then finally falling asleep himself! It was crazy. It worked after like 10 minutes. Good luck, I know it's really trying and hard... we refer to that 8-10 month regression as the point in the first year marathon that cracked us. It was brutal going back to that after sleep training. But with both of mine they have gone right back to sleeping well after it passed.

[Anonymous]

I just finished these phases, hopefully. I have three friends and we all have children born very close togther. They each did this at roughly 10 months and again around 13-14 months.

One had luck with CIO, two didn't and I don't CIO
For the three of us awake at 1am, all three found that it just seems to be a phase that lasted a 4-6 weeks and then passed. We all did things differently, but ended up with the same kind of nights.

MI opted to use my phone light to slightly illuminate his room. If he wanted to play, he could see well enough to get things. I didn't interact most times (though I'll admit he was always pretty cheerful and sometimes he got the best of me and we played a bit) and just surfed on my phone. When he started, it lasted about two hours and shortened to 1.15. I just waited out him acting sleepy again and then redid our bedtime routine, which is all in the dark and take two mins.

Luckily, he was pulling it every other night, so lost sleep was not really an issue. Looking back, he likely having more teething pain than I realized, to.

[Anonymous]

We did CIO at this age. I think re-sleep training is your best/quickest solution. It won't make the separation anxiety worse. He needs sleep too, just like you do. He might be on the cusp of a developmental leap and that could be why he started this, but if it's been going on for awhile, it's probably not going to disappear on it's own. And the fact that he's so aware of your presence now means going in and doing everything you are doing is likely inadvertently encouraging his behavior. We started CIO by doing frequent checks and it just made our son more hysterical so we moved to full -on CIO. It's not easy - it took 3 nights - and you have to be totally consistent - but it finally worked. And we never had to look back, he went to being a 12-hour sleeper and was much happier during the day because he was finally sleeping.

I understand CIO isn't for everyone, so if it's not for you, that's fine. But I do think you have to consider modifying your reaction to his behavior in some way because what you are currently doing is not working to decrease his behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He was at it again last night, first around 10pm (DH held him while I finished up some work, then I went in and nursed him and he finally gave up and went to sleep in the crib), then again at 3:30 (I went in to offer the feeding that normally occurs around 5 or 6am, but no luck, so DH just held him until 5:30). He fussed some in the crib at 5:30 but after a few minutes laid down and went back to sleep until 7. We'll start implementing a consistent plan on Friday, since the grandparents are staying over tonight. No idea what that consistent plan will be, since this thread seems to be split between "CIO" and "don't CIO because that will make the separation anxiety worse." Sigh.

Meanwhile, I'm here at the office on scraps of sleep, trying to prep for a hearing and also squeeze in time to study for the bar. Send coffee, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He was at it again last night, first around 10pm (DH held him while I finished up some work, then I went in and nursed him and he finally gave up and went to sleep in the crib), then again at 3:30 (I went in to offer the feeding that normally occurs around 5 or 6am, but no luck, so DH just held him until 5:30). He fussed some in the crib at 5:30 but after a few minutes laid down and went back to sleep until 7. We'll start implementing a consistent plan on Friday, since the grandparents are staying over tonight. No idea what that consistent plan will be, since this thread seems to be split between "CIO" and "don't CIO because that will make the separation anxiety worse." Sigh.

Meanwhile, I'm here at the office on scraps of sleep, trying to prep for a hearing and also squeeze in time to study for the bar. Send coffee, please.

Try pick up put down. It's always worked better for us than CIO, and you don't end up with them falling asleep on you. If they fall asleep in the crib, it's so much easier for them to self-soothe later.