9-month-old standing in crib crying
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Anonymous
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I could use some help resolving a sleep problem that's popped up in the last few weeks. Several nights out of the week now, my 9 month old either fights bedtime or wakes up later in the night and refuses to go back to sleep. In both instances, he stands up in the crib and scream-cries until either I or DH comes in. If we sit with him, he'll fall asleep on us but usually pop right back awake when we try to return him to the crib, then the whole process starts again. Sometimes when we've come in, he's tried to play with us instead of falling asleep. If we try to wait him out and not go in, he will honestly just stand there and cry for however long it takes. He seems to have endless stamina for this - he'll even take brief breaks, sitting down for a moment or sucking his thumb, and then start up again. The end result is usually just DH sitting in the glider with the baby sleeping on him until some point hours later when he can finally be put back into the crib.
How can we get his sleep back on track? We sleep-trained around 6 months (Ferber) and it went fantastic, at bedtime we put him down awake and he'd just roll over, pop a thumb in his mouth and go to sleep. So this isn't an issue of a baby not knowing how to self-soothe. Also, he isn't "stranded" standing up or anything like that - he's been pulling up to stand for a couple of months and knows how to get down without any problem. (I've Googled and people often say babies who are doing this are stuck and don't know how to get down, so I just want to be clear this is not that.) There aren't any signs he's teething either. I'm at a loss here - I don't know what the problem is or what our options are for sorting it out, but the current state of affairs doesn't seem sustainable. Any advice would be much appreciated. |
Anonymous
| You are inadvertently positively reinforcing his persistence. If you eventually pick him up, he will continue to do this. I suggest retreading Ferber. My impulse would be to go in at intervals, tell him it’s sleep time but don’t pick him up. You have to re sleep train. The advantage now versus six months is that although it may not seem that way, he more or less understands what you say to him. |
Anonymous
| Give him some ibuprofen. It could be teeth coming in, you just aren’t seeing them. Could also be an ear infection. My kid has no other symptoms (no fever, no pulling on ears) other than waking up at night and not going back down very easily. |
Anonymous
| 8-10 month sleep regression, coincides with onset of separation anxiety and gross motor skill development. Been through it twice and it is brutal. I recommend consistency and possibly easing up on training because it is very hard with anxiety and can exacerbate it if your child is sensitive and/or stubborn. |
Anonymous
I wouldn’t give drugs because it “might” be something. |
Anonymous
| I agree about re- sleep training. That’s what it took for our stubborn girl. |
Anonymous
| My now-15 month old only has major sleep disturbances when she's sick or otherwise not feeling well. It took me a while to see the pattern, because she can be so playful and energized at night. Sometimes when she's sick, she's fussy but otherwise appearing fine during the day, but sleep is a disaster. We almost missed a diagnosis of strep this way. It was only caught because she developed a rash. I get that it's not practical to go to illness every time there's a bad night, but DD is really consistent in this way. |
Anonymous
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With the first, we would go into the room but not take our LO out of the crib -- we'd pat his back, we'd lie down on the floor, but that was it.
With the second, we took him out of the crib to cuddle, then put him in the crib. Then took him out. Then put him in. He'd fall asleep eventually. They both became good sleepers. |
Anonymous
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OP here, thank you all for the tips. As one PP suggested, it seems like this might be separation anxiety related. In addition to the sleep issues, I've noticed that while in the morning before work I used to be able to set him in his crib with a toy or cloth book and he'd play happily for 15-20 minutes while I got ready and before the nanny arrived, now he'll stand up in the crib and fuss/yell (not full-on crying) until I come back or until nanny shows up, though he'll also play a little bit during that time. If it's separation anxiety that's fueling this, will re-sleep training make it worse? We had a shockingly easy time sleep training the first time around (first night, he literally cried for 1 minute and then fell asleep), so I don't have a great sense of how much prolonged crying he'll do before he wears himself out, if he ever does indeed wear himself out. I also of course don't want to make the anxiety worse by letting him CIO if that's the wrong approach.
For the PP who said to ease up on sleep training, but be consistent - what should we consistently be doing? |
Anonymous
| Is he about to walk? My son walked at 10 months and right before and right after he started he'd do this because he wanted to practice...in the middle of the night. It lasted about a month and we had to re-train him to sleep on his own. |
Anonymous
It's possible. I refer to him as a 9 month old but he's actually 2 weeks shy of 10 months, and like I said, he's been pulling up to stand for maybe 2 months, and has been cruising furniture for a bit less time than that. In the past few weeks, he had started to try out standing unsupported and managed to stay up a good little while (30 seconds or so?) before needing to sit back down. He hasn't done that in the last several days though, not sure why. |
Anonymous
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No tips, but you are not alone. My 9 month old -- 9 months old today in fact -- is doing the exact same damn thing. We tried waiting it out the other day and she screamed for 2 hours with brief breaks when we'd go in and shush but not take her out. She finally fell asleep when I gave in and nursed her (just comfort nursing, she didn't even really eat). She is happy once we take her out and let her sleep on our laps, so we are trying to just wait it out for now. And it's not every night. Last night she slept 7:30-5:30, then gurgled happily in her crib until 6, which was close enough to her usual 7 am wake time that I just got her up for the day.
My first kid basically sleep trained himself at 6 months and has been a great sleeper (though crap napper) ever since, and I was confident my second would do the same, so it's particularly grating ... and a good poke in the ego. |
Anonymous
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This is such a short phase. They soon learn that standing in a crib sucks and they lay down (and cry).
We would go in and rub the baby's tummy until she stopped crying and then turned on her einstein monitor. Repeat. Repeat. She learned very quickly that she wasn't getting out of this crib and that we hadn't disappeared forever, but she was sleeping in this crib by herself. Sometimes if it's super bad, we nursed or gave a milk bottle. |
Anonymous
OP again. We tried something like this a few times (halfheartedly and haphazardly, I admit) - leaving him in the crib but trying to comfort him while he's in there, but it seemed like going in and not picking him up got him more upset than if we had never come in in the first place. Did your baby cry harder at first but eventually allow herself to be comforted in the crib, or did she calm down immediately? |
Anonymous
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At 9 mos., our “perfect little sleeper” gave us a few weeks of hell—he would wake up and start partying, trying to wake us up, etc. (room sharing).
We moved him to his own room and tried intermittent checking—it just made things worse. Decided we’d need to just close the door. Took a couple nights of 20-30 minutes of fussing, but it worked. |