How much to accommodate DS's mental health issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get what you and others are saying about trying to balance accommodating your child's issues and and pushing him a bit out of his comfort level. But this is vacation! If you can do simple things to make it go more smoothly I would advise you to do them.

One idea might be to get a note from your child's provider explaining his severe anxiety and calling the airline in advance to flag him as having a disability or needing extra help. You do not need to say what the issue is. Then got to the gate agent and explain you called earlier and that your child will need to board early. The doctor's note is there as a back up if the gate agent is not cooperative. DH recently went through this as he broke his leg and the airlines were very nice and said they offer similar things like preboarding, help getting to the gate, an escort, etc. for a developmental, intellectual or mental issues.

No note needed.

I fly with groups of teenagers as part of my job, so I've done this several times, with different teens with invisible and visible disabilities. It's as simple as this. You walk up to the counter, and tell the agent either "I have a disability . . . " or "I am flying with this young person with a disability . . . " and then the accommodations they'll need "they will need extra time to board, to board when it isn't crowded, and to be seated with a companion. Can we get a preboarding pass?" Then they give you 2 passes and tell you "When they announce preboarding, please go over there."

If you need something that isn't covered by the standard preboarding (e.g. a transfer chair, or to preboard with 2 people for a specific reason) then it might be more complicated, but in the situations I've been in it's super easy.

Generally, when asking for a disability accommodation from public accommodation, you can't be asked what disability you have, and you can't be required to provide documentation. So, no letter is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get what you and others are saying about trying to balance accommodating your child's issues and and pushing him a bit out of his comfort level. But this is vacation! If you can do simple things to make it go more smoothly I would advise you to do them.

One idea might be to get a note from your child's provider explaining his severe anxiety and calling the airline in advance to flag him as having a disability or needing extra help. You do not need to say what the issue is. Then got to the gate agent and explain you called earlier and that your child will need to board early. The doctor's note is there as a back up if the gate agent is not cooperative. DH recently went through this as he broke his leg and the airlines were very nice and said they offer similar things like preboarding, help getting to the gate, an escort, etc. for a developmental, intellectual or mental issues.

No note needed.

I fly with groups of teenagers as part of my job, so I've done this several times, with different teens with invisible and visible disabilities. It's as simple as this. You walk up to the counter, and tell the agent either "I have a disability . . . " or "I am flying with this young person with a disability . . . " and then the accommodations they'll need "they will need extra time to board, to board when it isn't crowded, and to be seated with a companion. Can we get a preboarding pass?" Then they give you 2 passes and tell you "When they announce preboarding, please go over there."

If you need something that isn't covered by the standard preboarding (e.g. a transfer chair, or to preboard with 2 people for a specific reason) then it might be more complicated, but in the situations I've been in it's super easy.

Generally, when asking for a disability accommodation from public accommodation, you can't be asked what disability you have, and you can't be required to provide documentation. So, no letter is needed.

When we asked, they would not accept a letter. I brought a copy of the evaluation on my child's needs. I would go ask for pre boarding or family board but pay the money as a back up. My child is slightly too old for family boarding so I prepay not as we don't need the pre boarding anymore and the last time we stood in line (high B so I didn't try family boarding) they pulled us out of line to family board. Some are very flexible about accommodating, others will give you a hard time but we've always gotten it. I've also only prepaid for me and held seats.

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming your DS is on medication for the anxiety (if not, he really should be). For situational anxiety like this, our psychiatrist has prescribed Valium. Without it, he never make it to the dentist chair.

[Anonymous]

My child is the same, but she is 10. I absolutely buy the pre-boarding passes, but only for her and one parent. As a previous poster said, some days are for practicing coping skills, and some days are just to get through however you have to get through.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked your DS which of the preboarding options he thinks might help mitigate his anxiety? I have significant anxiety, and walking through situations that make me anxious and coming up with plans for how to handle things help me feel more in control.

[Anonymous]

We have a similar child and the nasty comments are so frustrating to deal with. Lately though she has been catching herself and apologizing right afterwards so that is progress we hope.

So here’s what we do- we travel a lot and are trying to scaffold to independent travel.

First we talk through what is causing the anxiety. For my DD it was possibly not having enough time to get a drink and snack at airport. So we sat down and created a schedule for the whole family with a lot of extra time built in. And we walked through how if any item ran long, we could adjust the schedule accordingly. (For example dad could drop us off at terminal to go to gate without him while he parked car.). We also defined reward for not getting sassy/ rude.

We have found that giving her visibility into the schedule, input into the activities and some control really helps. I sometimes even make a chart.

The other anxiety source for her is not getting window seat. So depending on the airline we work through how to get seat assignments. For some airlines we schedule 1st available time to pick seats or for Southwest we check in ASAP. We do also pay for preboarding on busy routes. Again the goal of s to show her how to identify and manage her anxiety long-term.

I have to work on myself to remember she is a kid and still learning. And when she slips up I do my best to roll with it because she can’t learn when she is in her anxious “lizard brain”. We debrief later.

And honestly this drives me crazy as I like to stroll up to gate just before boarding starts. So I have to explain what I need to make the trip pleasant for me too. I have been known to add massage chair time to the master schedule since we have so much time at the gate.

[Anonymous]

This is the main reason we avoid Southwest. We fly a lot and not having assigned seats is the worst. When there is no choice but to fly Southwest, I factor in the cost of priority boarding to the total cost.

I hate Southwest and their boarding system makes it doubly stressful when flying with kids and my SN kid normally has no problems flying. He flies about once a month. I scaffold by getting us to the terminal early enough, at least an hour before boarding, so that I can check our luggage and buy snacks for the flight. Rushing and running late causes ME anxiety. You can never be sure how long it’ll take to get through security! During holidays and big travel times, I like to get to the airport at least 2 hrs before boarding. I’ll rather wait at the gate then miss the flight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would prepay or just go to the gate and see if they will let you do early boarding. We always prepay just to be safe to make sure we sit together. Or, prepay for just two people and have those two hold seats.

He is disabled - he can preboard with at least one family member.
Maybe but the early boarding passes for the other family members.

You can’t thibk of any strategies to sooth his nerves after all of these years? You need a behavioral therapist to give you some ideas and strategies.
Definitely.

[Anonymous]

For those saying to tell him to just deal with it, would you say that to someone with a physical disability?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend, an adult, who has a phobia about flying. She won’t do it. I cannot imagine forcing her. How is this any different? Your DS’s issue is less than hers and much easier to accommodate. Fly another airline with assigned seats or preboard!

I think OP is being rigid and ridiculous about this and making it a bigger problem than it actually is.

Your DS has major anxiety. Forcing him to do things that causes him anxiety will only make it worse not better.

[Anonymous]

OP, I fly Southwest occasionally but don't like their boarding system, so I usually buy the early boarding pass. It definitely makes for an easier, more relaxing boarding experience. The plane will be mostly empty when you get on and you'll have a good choice of seats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I fly Southwest occasionally but don't like their boarding system, so I usually buy the early boarding pass. It definitely makes for an easier, more relaxing boarding experience. The plane will be mostly empty when you get on and you'll have a good choice of seats.

It is chaotic but we've never had an issue with our child. They've been really nice. Plane may be full if its coming from another location which is why we always do early boarding to make sure at least one adult per child. OP should just pay for two early boards and ask for family or priority boarding but have the early board as a back up. I am paying now but usually ask if we can do family board if I am concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming your DS is on medication for the anxiety (if not, he really should be). For situational anxiety like this, our psychiatrist has prescribed Valium. Without it, he never make it to the dentist chair.

+1 Medication for this situation would definitely help in this situation. That part of his brain that controls fear is so over active that it overwhelms the rational part of his brain. Medication can help tamp it down so he can at least practice some of the techniques (I'm assuming) he's been taught. IMO, medication is your best bet to make this a learning experience for him and not just something to endure.

[Anonymous]

OP, obviously ignore the nasty comments.

I agree with asking him what is making him anxious and then asking him if he can come up with a solution. His anxiety will be much lower if he makes his own solution.

I urge you to see a therapist that specializes in working with anxious kids. You need a wholistic approach. You may get fine is here about managing this one situation but you need broader advice. You are wise to question "how much to accommodate?" because if you over accommodate it can reinforce anxiety, if you under accommodate you can cause trauma. I've learned so much about this and had to change a lot of my parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get what you and others are saying about trying to balance accommodating your child's issues and and pushing him a bit out of his comfort level. But this is vacation! If you can do simple things to make it go more smoothly I would advise you to do them.

One idea might be to get a note from your child's provider explaining his severe anxiety and calling the airline in advance to flag him as having a disability or needing extra help. You do not need to say what the issue is. Then got to the gate agent and explain you called earlier and that your child will need to board early. The doctor's note is there as a back up if the gate agent is not cooperative. DH recently went through this as he broke his leg and the airlines were very nice and said they offer similar things like preboarding, help getting to the gate, an escort, etc. for a developmental, intellectual or mental issues.

No note needed.

I fly with groups of teenagers as part of my job, so I've done this several times, with different teens with invisible and visible disabilities. It's as simple as this. You walk up to the counter, and tell the agent either "I have a disability . . . " or "I am flying with this young person with a disability . . . " and then the accommodations they'll need "they will need extra time to board, to board when it isn't crowded, and to be seated with a companion. Can we get a preboarding pass?" Then they give you 2 passes and tell you "When they announce preboarding, please go over there."

If you need something that isn't covered by the standard preboarding (e.g. a transfer chair, or to preboard with 2 people for a specific reason) then it might be more complicated, but in the situations I've been in it's super easy.

Generally, when asking for a disability accommodation from public accommodation, you can't be asked what disability you have, and you can't be required to provide documentation. So, no letter is needed.

Do you really think most agents will be that accommodating, regardless of whether that is what they should do, both morally and possibly legally?

So many people are fed up with airlines and their fees and I have seen lots of people trying to scheme in various ways to get privileges that they haven't paid for, and didn't use to have to pay for. I think that this has made gate agents pretty skeptical, and not necessarily unreasonably so. I would worry that someone would think you are trying to pull a fast one to preboard without paying and might not allow it.

To be clear I am not saying that is what someone here is contemplating, but I could see the gate agent fearing that is the case.