Really bad at being fake happy

[Anonymous]

No one ever told you to lie, OP.
Understand that you can say positive things if you think long and hard enough.

[Anonymous]

Can you not applaud his courage for bravely trying to work through his struggle with art and creativity? For sharing with the world? Who gives a damn if his writing's not great, he's creating and sharing, and that takes courage.

Honestly I have no patience for the "I just have to be brutally honest" crowd (absent of ASD or something.) They tend to be selfish, immature, smug, and have too of an opinion about themselves. Of course you can tell white lies to protect someone's feelings, you just choose not to because you'd rather be smug about your "brutal honesty." I mean if you were sitting in front of your boss and s/he said, "I'll give a million dollar raise if you tell me you like my new suit" and you HATE the suit are you telling me you just wouldn't be able to find it in yourself to say, "It's a nice suit and I like it" ?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am not brutally honest. I either just avoid responding or give a generic response like many of you mentioned.

And no I am not on the spectrum. I just don't like people being fake with me and don't like being disingenuous or insincere with others.

[Anonymous]

If your brother is having a hard time and has found an outlet that is helpful to *him,* then why can't you be supportive of that? It doesn't mean telling him that he is an amazing writer or anything. Your response could be genuine and not fake and still be supportive. "I'm glad you have found something that is important to you." or "Your updates make me glad to see that you are engaged in activities important to you, etc." Presumably you are glad that he has some kind of coping mechanism, yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here, and I am not saying this to be rude or snarky: are you autistic?

No, the OP clearly is a rational person and has her preferences in life.

Autism is a serious diagnosis which had been hijacked to smear anyone with different thinking. A truly evil way to silence anyone who doesn't align with "consensus".

Like I said, I wasn't trying to be rude, but I'm aware that autism makes it difficult to folllow social conventions and niceties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Can you not applaud his courage for bravely trying to work through his struggle with art and creativity? For sharing with the world? Who gives a damn if his writing's not great, he's creating and sharing, and that takes courage.

Honestly I have no patience for the "I just have to be brutally honest" crowd (absent of ASD or something.) They tend to be selfish, immature, smug, and have too of an opinion about themselves. Of course you can tell white lies to protect someone's feelings, you just choose not to because you'd rather be smug about your "brutal honesty." I mean if you were sitting in front of your boss and s/he said, "I'll give a million dollar raise if you tell me you like my new suit" and you HATE the suit are you telling me you just wouldn't be able to find it in yourself to say, "It's a nice suit and I like it" ?

+1. My brother is like this and when confronted on his rudeness he says "I'm just giving you my opinion; do you want me to lie?" It drives me crazy and I have tried but he only sees things his way. It's really put a wedge between us and I hardly share anything with him anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not brutally honest. I either just avoid responding or give a generic response like many of you mentioned.

And no I am not on the spectrum. I just don't like people being fake with me and don't like being disingenuous or insincere with others.

Is nice fake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Can you not applaud his courage for bravely trying to work through his struggle with art and creativity? For sharing with the world? Who gives a damn if his writing's not great, he's creating and sharing, and that takes courage.

Honestly I have no patience for the "I just have to be brutally honest" crowd (absent of ASD or something.) They tend to be selfish, immature, smug, and have too of an opinion about themselves. Of course you can tell white lies to protect someone's feelings, you just choose not to because you'd rather be smug about your "brutal honesty." I mean if you were sitting in front of your boss and s/he said, "I'll give a million dollar raise if you tell me you like my new suit" and you HATE the suit are you telling me you just wouldn't be able to find it in yourself to say, "It's a nice suit and I like it" ?

+1. My brother is like this and when confronted on his rudeness he says "I'm just giving you my opinion; do you want me to lie?" It drives me crazy and I have tried but he only sees things his way. It's really put a wedge between us and I hardly share anything with him anymore.

Another +1. I've known people like OP who think common decent courtesy--just finding one positive aspect of something they don't like overall--is "being fake." One friend preached how she was always and only "sincere" and things like saying "I'm glad writing helps you" (which is what OP should say) were "insincere," which to her was the greatest sin. She and apparently OP couldn't comprehend that a statement like "I'm glad that helps you" or "It's great you're feeling better thanks to (whatever)" does not mean they love the "whatever."

These are people who believe that it's somehow dishonest to be happy for another person's happiness even if they're not thrilled with the activity or person that produces that happiness in their loved one. They see things in intense black and white and tend to be unsupportive unless their loved ones do what they believe is right, or tasteful (OP's problem), etc. It's sad because they can't get outside their own heads and see how other people perceive things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not brutally honest. I either just avoid responding or give a generic response like many of you mentioned.

And no I am not on the spectrum. I just don't like people being fake with me and don't like being disingenuous or insincere with others.

Well sorry but this is essentially how to maintain healthy and normal relationships. There are a lot of things I figure out how to do/deal with because I like the bigger bargain. I hate waking up at 5am to clean up my toddler's wet bed but I love her and want her to know I am there for her so I do it. I kind of dislike work but I like having money to live the life I want to life.

So you hate being disingenuous but if you want to maintain positive relationships with people you love then I recommend you suck it up and find a way to express happiness at socially expected times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Can you not applaud his courage for bravely trying to work through his struggle with art and creativity? For sharing with the world? Who gives a damn if his writing's not great, he's creating and sharing, and that takes courage.

Honestly I have no patience for the "I just have to be brutally honest" crowd (absent of ASD or something.) They tend to be selfish, immature, smug, and have too of an opinion about themselves. Of course you can tell white lies to protect someone's feelings, you just choose not to because you'd rather be smug about your "brutal honesty." I mean if you were sitting in front of your boss and s/he said, "I'll give a million dollar raise if you tell me you like my new suit" and you HATE the suit are you telling me you just wouldn't be able to find it in yourself to say, "It's a nice suit and I like it" ?

+1. My brother is like this and when confronted on his rudeness he says "I'm just giving you my opinion; do you want me to lie?" It drives me crazy and I have tried but he only sees things his way. It's really put a wedge between us and I hardly share anything with him anymore.

Another +1. I've known people like OP who think common decent courtesy--just finding one positive aspect of something they don't like overall--is "being fake." One friend preached how she was always and only "sincere" and things like saying "I'm glad writing helps you" (which is what OP should say) were "insincere," which to her was the greatest sin. She and apparently OP couldn't comprehend that a statement like "I'm glad that helps you" or "It's great you're feeling better thanks to (whatever)" does not mean they love the "whatever."

These are people who believe that it's somehow dishonest to be happy for another person's happiness even if they're not thrilled with the activity or person that produces that happiness in their loved one. They see things in intense black and white and tend to be unsupportive unless their loved ones do what they believe is right, or tasteful (OP's problem), etc. It's sad because they can't get outside their own heads and see how other people perceive things.

+1

If you think telling someone that you are happy that X thing (which you don't like) makes them happy is "fake," the fault lies with you. Why can't you genuinely be happy for your brother that writing provides him an outlet for his emotions, even if the writing isn't very good? Why can't you be genuinely happy for someone who is expecting a baby, even if you think the timing is bad? Why can't you be happy for a friend who is marrying someone they love, even if you don't love their fiance? Why can you only be happy for people who are doing things that you personally approve of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here, and I am not saying this to be rude or snarky: are you autistic?

No, the OP clearly is a rational person and has her preferences in life.

Autism is a serious diagnosis which had been hijacked to smear anyone with different thinking. A truly evil way to silence anyone who doesn't align with "consensus".

Like I said, I wasn't trying to be rude, but I'm aware that autism makes it difficult to folllow social conventions and niceties.

+1
It was a very valid question

[Anonymous]

fake happiness or giving fake compliments in situations where it is expected

No. Not expected. Not the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here, and I am not saying this to be rude or snarky: are you autistic?

No, the OP clearly is a rational person and has her preferences in life.

Autism is a serious diagnosis which had been hijacked to smear anyone with different thinking. A truly evil way to silence anyone who doesn't align with "consensus".

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not brutally honest. I either just avoid responding or give a generic response like many of you mentioned.

And no I am not on the spectrum. I just don't like people being fake with me and don't like being disingenuous or insincere with others.

Is nice fake?

DP here. IMO, to a degree, no. But a lot of people become offensive without noticing it. The example we all know is to tell someone that s/he has a "great personality". It's often better to say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a pill, OP. What's so difficult about being cordial? Just because you don't feeeeeel like it means you get a pass?

+1. You "fake it" because it's expected. It's the way social interactions work. You're only hurting yourself by being willingly bad at playing the game.