Really bad at being fake happy

[Anonymous]

I have a very difficult time expressing fake happiness or giving fake compliments in situations where it is expected.

I just can't tell someone I love their outfit or hair if I don't. I can't tell ten their singing, poetry or art is amazing if I don't like it. I can't express excitment you are getting married or having a kid if the situation is bad / don't like the guy etc

I am a very realistic person. It annoys me when movies do things that aren't realistic. I don't like any kind of science fiction, and I find flattery and compliments an lip service to be pointless.

This all came to a head because my adult brother has been going though a hard time and has started writing these short stories to deal / express himself and posts them on Facebook. I find them very juvenile and poorly written and I am embarrassed for him that he publicly posts theirs. Yet many of my family heap on praise in the comments and amare telling me I am unsupportive for not doing the same.

It feels dishonest.

[Anonymous]

My mother says some of the exact same things you’re saying. She says she prefers brutal honesty. I used to tell her she can be honest without being brutal, then I realized she would never listen. People eventually stopped including her in their happy occasions because of her negativity.

I don’t know if you’re like that or not. My experiences definitely colored my perception of your post. That said, I find it very difficult to believe you can’t find something positive to say in most of those situations. Even something like, “I’m glad that writing makes you happy. I can tell you really poured your heart into that story.” You don’t have to gush or heap on false praise. You can even say what your favorite part is. It doesn’t have to be amazing, but surely there was some plot element or a particular phrase that didn’t suck as badly as the others.

[Anonymous]

Can't you muster up some kind of "I'm so glad you've found a passion that is helping you through this time" or something along those lines?

[Anonymous]

I understand where you're coming from and relate to some degree. Several years ago my mom and stepdad went through all the family photos and copied them onto a CD and sent them out at Christmas. There were some unflattering pictures of me I wished they had just thrown away, rather than permanently memorialize for the masses. There were lots of pictures I straight up didn't care about (pictures of siblings before I was born for example.) Instead of gushing about how much I loved the gift...because I didn't...I thanked them and said I could tell they put a lot of work into it. That was true.

There's always *something* positive you can say about nearly any situation.

[Anonymous]

Stay off Facebook.

I can't imagine wasting time on peoples' juvenile oversharing, and then putting up with busybodies who monitor my responses to it.

Accept that humans earnestly do their thing, and like approval and validation. Learn to make a vague noise that acknowledges them without having to give fake compliments.

And stay off Facebook. It seems like the worst place for someone like you to dwell.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a pill, OP. What's so difficult about being cordial? Just because you don't feeeeeel like it means you get a pass?

[Anonymous]

PP here, and I am not saying this to be rude or snarky: are you autistic?

[Anonymous]

It's not about whether something is "good", or "pretty" or sounds great. It's about having a relationship with the person.

I also wonder if you are on the spectrum, or just really depressed. This is about you.

[Anonymous]

How hard is it to say “you look nice!” Or “I’m glad you and JerkBoyfriend are happy.” Or “I’m so glad writing is helping you. I can tell how much it means to you.”

There are so many worse ways to cope than writing bad stories and posting them. Throw the guy a bone. Try and be a little supportive.

[Anonymous]

I actually think they shouldn't heap praise unless the stories are good because he might think he should give up work and be a writer and then face real rejection.

Honesty is good. You are doing fine. You don't have to tell him the stories are bad. Just don't say anything. Igore the people who say you should.

People are free to express themselves on social media, bit that spent mean you have to be inauthentic and say something you don't mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here, and I am not saying this to be rude or snarky: are you autistic?

No, the OP clearly is a rational person and has her preferences in life.

Autism is a serious diagnosis which had been hijacked to smear anyone with different thinking. A truly evil way to silence anyone who doesn't align with "consensus".

[Anonymous]

There’s no need to be fake or dishonest. You can still be nice tho.

[Anonymous]

OP are you an alt-right person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you muster up some kind of "I'm so glad you've found a passion that is helping you through this time" or something along those lines?

I do a version of this. "You must be so happy" or "I'm so glad you've found something that works for you" or "It's wonderful to see you so thrilled".

Focus on the thing you are totally ok with. The happy emotion of the person you care about. Not the product (or baby, marriage, short story writing you think is a bad idea).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay off Facebook.

I can't imagine wasting time on peoples' juvenile oversharing, and then putting up with busybodies who monitor my responses to it.

Accept that humans earnestly do their thing, and like approval and validation. Learn to make a vague noise that acknowledges them without having to give fake compliments.

And stay off Facebook. It seems like the worst place for someone like you to dwell.

+1000

Anyone who measures their or anyone else's worth based on the likes or comments they get on Facebook is pathetic. Just tell them you don't go on Facebook much or seriously just cancel your account.