DH wants another baby no and I'm not ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The one who doesn't want more kids always wins.

This, although I’d rather use the term “gets the final say” versus “wins.”
—signed someone with a uterus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, this should all have been discussed before getting married. Nothing more important then agreeing on kids. Second, I would also consider the problems with spacing out your 3 kids ages. In the long run you'll be much happier to have the third child closer in age to the second one.

I also have 3 kids and wouldn't have done it any differently.

You can “discuss” stuff like this before getting married, but those discussions are certainly not binding. If she’s not ready to have another baby right now, she’s not ready. If she thought she would be and has since changed her mind based on whatever, it would be absurd and cruel to insist that #3 happen now because “she agreed.”

I also don’t know what you mean by problems with spacing. Plenty of people have kids more than 3 years apart without problems.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to your husband. The annoying comments are only going to get more annoying but it sounds like he’s in a mode to try to convince you subtly - over and over. Have a frank discussion listening to why he’s breadth and why you’re not. Would it help if he stepped up his parenting duties or is that not an issue? Is he worried about declining fertility or energy as you both age? Once you come to a decision for now, agree to table the conversation for 6 months and no comments in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not ready yet. We have 2 kids ages 2 and 7. In comparison to my friends I had easy pregnancies and newborns and even now they are easy going. The thing is though I feel like I'm finally getting my life back. Our youngest will be 3 in March , and DH is already talking about a 3rd. I'm fairly certain I would like a third child, but not now. I'd rather wait another two or 3 years. I'm 33 so not young, but not old. I do realize fertility declines with age and while a third would be nice I think I'd be okay with two.
DH however is non stop baby talk. He's not pushy or rude about it, but I'm starting to feel annoyed.

1. It takes two to tango, both of you need to be at a yes.

How is the division of labor regarding children in your house? Who is the default parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you want a 11 year old, 5 year old, and 1 year old and he doesn't. You should get on the same page.

As for you having the kid at 37, I really don't think that's a huge issue. You can do IVF if it doesn't happen automatically.

This. Find out also what is driving your DH. Is he worried if you don’t say yes now, it’s not ever going to happen? Does he have an age in mind that he wants to be when the kids are out the house? Does he assume you want 3 and he wants to be out of the diaper phase by the time he is mid 30’s. Usually people have a picture in mind about these things, not to say that things don’t change, but there is some starting off point.

[Anonymous]

Be honest, are you thinking about trading up or taking a lover when your kids are in preschool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, this should all have been discussed before getting married. Nothing more important then agreeing on kids. Second, I would also consider the problems with spacing out your 3 kids ages. In the long run you'll be much happier to have the third child closer in age to the second one.

I also have 3 kids and wouldn't have done it any differently.

You can “discuss” stuff like this before getting married, but those discussions are certainly not binding. If she’s not ready to have another baby right now, she’s not ready. If she thought she would be and has since changed her mind based on whatever, it would be absurd and cruel to insist that #3 happen now because “she agreed.”

I also don’t know what you mean by problems with spacing. Plenty of people have kids more than 3 years apart without problems.

+1. I thought I wanted 3 kids, one right after the other. After actually having a kid, I know it'll be years before I'm physically and mentally ready for #2, and no way am I doing #3. DH isn't thrilled, but he's not the one who has to deal with pregnancy, childbirth, and the impact of another kid on his career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, this should all have been discussed before getting married. Nothing more important then agreeing on kids. Second, I would also consider the problems with spacing out your 3 kids ages. In the long run you'll be much happier to have the third child closer in age to the second one.

I also have 3 kids and wouldn't have done it any differently.

You can “discuss” stuff like this before getting married, but those discussions are certainly not binding. If she’s not ready to have another baby right now, she’s not ready. If she thought she would be and has since changed her mind based on whatever, it would be absurd and cruel to insist that #3 happen now because “she agreed.”

I also don’t know what you mean by problems with spacing. Plenty of people have kids more than 3 years apart without problems.

+1. I thought I wanted 3 kids, one right after the other. After actually having a kid, I know it'll be years before I'm physically and mentally ready for #2, and no way am I doing #3. DH isn't thrilled, but he's not the one who has to deal with pregnancy, childbirth, and the impact of another kid on his career.

+1. You can't discuss before marriage! Because who knows? I didn't want children and after having them, we're in love with them and had 3 2 years apart. You really don't know what you want until you're there.

[Anonymous]

While I agree that the "No" wins, I also would urge you, OP, to think about if you're really ever going to feel ready for that 3rd. If you didn't want a 3rd at all, then that would be end of story for me. Since you do think you want a 3rd, I'm going to tell you - you're not going to feel more like you're ready to move away from "getting your life back" when your youngest enters school. Your oldest will be entering a horrendously moody age range.

If you want a 3rd, I'd really think seriously about doing it sooner than later. I'm not saying have one before you're ready, but I am saying - figure out what it would take for you to feel ready. It doesn't get easier from here.

[Anonymous]

I think you should have the baby OP. Sounds like both of you want a 3rd child, you just want it in a year. I think it's easier to have the kids closer in age (yours would still be 4 years apart) than to have to start all over again with baby things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, this should all have been discussed before getting married. Nothing more important then agreeing on kids. Second, I would also consider the problems with spacing out your 3 kids ages. In the long run you'll be much happier to have the third child closer in age to the second one.

I also have 3 kids and wouldn't have done it any differently.

You can “discuss” stuff like this before getting married, but those discussions are certainly not binding. If she’s not ready to have another baby right now, she’s not ready. If she thought she would be and has since changed her mind based on whatever, it would be absurd and cruel to insist that #3 happen now because “she agreed.”

I also don’t know what you mean by problems with spacing. Plenty of people have kids more than 3 years apart without problems.

+1. I thought I wanted 3 kids, one right after the other. After actually having a kid, I know it'll be years before I'm physically and mentally ready for #2, and no way am I doing #3. DH isn't thrilled, but he's not the one who has to deal with pregnancy, childbirth, and the impact of another kid on his career.

+1. You can't discuss before marriage! Because who knows? I didn't want children and after having them, we're in love with them and had 3 2 years apart. You really don't know what you want until you're there.

+2. I had a breakdown on my 35th birthday (about six months after we were married) because I knew DH wanted children and I just didn't. Then I agreed to 1, and now we have 4 and I love it. You just don't know until you live it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should have the baby OP. Sounds like both of you want a 3rd child, you just want it in a year. I think it's easier to have the kids closer in age (yours would still be 4 years apart) than to have to start all over again with baby things.

I kind of agree with this. If you aren't actually on the fence about a third, it will be a year before the baby arrives anyway.

[Anonymous]

Having a man badger me to have another baby would make me angry. It's fine to express that he wants another child, and that he's hopeful that you'd like to give him one, and that he looks forward to the time you'll be ready. Anything more is selfish entitlement and taking for granted the huge sacrifices a woman makes in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The one who doesn't want more kids always wins.

No, the one with the uterus always wins. If a man disagrees, they can find another uterus. If the woman wants more kids, she can do it with someone else/ by herself.

Yeah great idea threaten divorce over it. See how close that gets you.

[Anonymous]

Have another! Would love for my DH to be begging for kids. The other way around is much worse. At least he'll be more than on board for everything!