13 yo DD afraid to sleep alone

[Anonymous]

Why do you give her benadryl and melatonin at bedtime? Is there a reason for her to take benadryl nightly?

I'm hoping this is a typo on your part.

If you are giving her both, I wonder if she doesn't like the groggy feeling when she's waking up in the middle of the night and she's worried she's not cognizant of what's going on around her or that she might not be able to react quickly if something were wrong.

If she has allergies and that's why you are giving her benadryl, I'd talk with the doctor about using a different allergy medicine.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for your responses. To clarify, DD's room is NOT in the basement. She just doesn't like going down there. Her room is directly across the hall from her brothers' room and just down the hall from mine and DH's. All the bedrooms and the main living areas of the house are on the same floor. I'm more understanding of her fear of the basement. It's much quieter and there's more 'crap' down there. The boys (one older, one younger than her) have no problem with it. It's where they play their video games and watch TV.

DD knows the fears are irrational but falls prey to them in the middle of the night. She's also familiar (and has employed) CBT techniques. Her brothers have anxiety and the kids have been well versed in these techniques since they were small. I spoke to a co-worker (who is a work psychologist) and she suggested that DD's amygdala is overstimulated. She recommends having her think of something else that utilizes a different part of her brain - like doing math problems, conjugating verbs, etc - as well as breathing exercises.

We'll try it tonight and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

We are having a similar problem with our 10 year old. I would welcome any recommendations stations for a therapist with experience in anxiety in children in NOVA as I feel we have reached this level. Keep us posted Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does sound like anxiety. I have anxiety now as a grown up, and as a child I was terrified of going to sleep because I thought someone would break into the house. We lived in a safe, suburban area and I never had any trauma. I don't know where I got the fear, but it was persistent. I would desperately try to fall asleep before my parents did, because once the lights were out and the house was quiet I was immobilized by terror. My son has anxiety now so I am reading about it, and one of the things that struck me was that you don't try to reassure anxiety that everything will be okay "the dog will protect you," but help the child reject the thought and replace it. "That is a worry thought. The liklihood of someone coming into the house is zilch. My brain is tricking me. I know I am safe here." But yes, I'd get your kiddo to a therapist because it sounds like she has some anxiety, and if there is anything I've learned about anxiety over the years its that it rarely stops with ruining one area of your life...it creeps into others. So help her learn some skills now, and maybe it will prevent anxiety from impacting other areas of her life. Good luck!

Not OP, but thank you. I will try this.

[Anonymous]

I think you're overly worried about it. Don't you remember seeing scary movies when you were young and then feeling afraid? The afraid feeling eventually goes away. Remind her that those movies aren't real. She will eventually get over it. I'm not clear if she is using medicine to sleep, and that's a bad idea and you need to stop that. Slowly switch to less and less light at night. She'll be fine.

Also, just FYI, I don't let my young teens see horror movies yet -- what's the point? So they won't sleep at night? What did she see? It?

[Anonymous]

That is very normal not to like the basement. I never would go to the basement as a child, teen and still rarely will at my parents house. When I was in high school, they put a washer/dryer upstairs as we would not use the basement one. I didn't go in our basement much till we redid it and I still don't much except laundry. Why is it a big deal? My kids on the other hand love it.

Maybe the medications are causing problems? Benadryl can have the opposite effect and can cause sleep issues in some people. It can also make them hyper. You are doing a bad habit in terms of sleep in less it is for allergies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think you're overly worried about it. Don't you remember seeing scary movies when you were young and then feeling afraid? The afraid feeling eventually goes away. Remind her that those movies aren't real. She will eventually get over it. I'm not clear if she is using medicine to sleep, and that's a bad idea and you need to stop that. Slowly switch to less and less light at night. She'll be fine.

Also, just FYI, I don't let my young teens see horror movies yet -- what's the point? So they won't sleep at night? What did she see? It?

Maybe you missed the part where OP said this has been going on for 2 months and it's interfering with her ADLs......or maybe you found this thread on Recent Topics and are more of a General Parenting or Elementary School kinda person........

[Anonymous]

I was the same way from about 5-14. Was terrified that someone would break into our house every night (even though we lived in a very safe neighborhood). What really helped me when I was her age - my parents put a comfy sleeping bag on the floor of their room and let me come in whenever I needed to. I eventually “grew out of of it”. In adulthood I was diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD - and I feel that perhaps they were causing the issues when I was young. Maybe you could look into therapy for her. Mediation Oasis (website) also has some good guided meditations that might help. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update - sorry for the delay, today has been crazy. Success! By focusing on something else, she was able to go to sleep! DD focused on doing times tables. I set the light clock to sunset and by the time it went out, she was asleep and didn't wake up until morning! She feels like a new woman! Amygdala hijack was definitely at play! I'll let you know if it works again tonight!

For the people who think this isn't a big deal, I disagree. I understand being afraid of the basement or the dark is common but when those fears influences behavior, choices, have negative consequences (like not being able to focus on school because you're tired or not having the energy to do after school activities because of fatigue) and are unwanted, its time for interventions. Yes, DD could sleep with us but that addresses the symptom, not cause. I am very sympathetic but, having 2 other kids who have anxiety issues, I know she needs help, not a band-aid.

Here's hoping for another great night! Thanks!

[Anonymous]

We started having our dog sleep in 11 yo's room. The dog is super mellow and I think actually likes that he can cuddle up and get warm next to the kid. I realize this is not a long term answer but in the short term at least I can sleep.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Another restful night! She said she did the times tables and when she was ready to sleep, she stopped - if unwanted thoughts started to intrude, she did a random math fact and even if she knew she got the wrong answer, it was okay. It was enough to distract her. Woo hoo!

I think I mentioned we have 2 dogs. She sleeps with the little one (10lbs) and the big one (86lbs) sleeps pretty much wherever he wants. He's an excellent protector and family dog.

[Anonymous]

Your 13 year old who doesn't have SN is working on the times tables?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 13 year old who doesn't have SN is working on the times tables?

Not OP, yes, her 13 yo DD without SN is working on the times tables. Didn't you read the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 13 year old who doesn't have SN is working on the times tables?

Not OP, yes, her 13 yo DD without SN is working on the times tables. Didn't you read the thread?

You learn multiplication in 3 or 4th or some in 2nd or earlier if parents work with them. You don't find that odd a regular kid without SN is working on the times table which they should know years before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 13 year old who doesn't have SN is working on the times tables?

Not OP, yes, her 13 yo DD without SN is working on the times tables. Didn't you read the thread?

You learn multiplication in 3 or 4th or some in 2nd or earlier if parents work with them. You don't find that odd a regular kid without SN is working on the times table which they should know years before.

It's like counting sheeps or receitng the Alphabets.It's not because she doesn't know her math.