Is she interested or not?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s more likely that she really is busy than hay she’s seeing someone else. Like another PP said, nursing and its schooling is demanding. Especially if she’s very driven to succeed and get good grades.

When I was in law school, I started dating a guy that was first in the class a year ahead of me, law review, all A’s, etc. Very driven, and studies always came first. It was a little hard for me to grasp because I’d always gotten good grades pretty easily, and I also didn’t care as much about being in the top 3 of my class or making law review. After awhile I realized that he really was using his extra time to study, not lying to me or going out with other people, and he still took me out every week and called me every day. It took an adjustment and understanding on my part, and while we aren’t together anymore, we dated for a long time and I was apparently the only girl who did not get upset or hound him over putting school first. We had a nice relationship and I picked up some of his study habits and improved my own grades, too. We remain friends today and it was worth it to give him a chance, so I’d recommend the same to you.

[Anonymous]

OP in your shoes, I would pull back a bit. It's not mind games, it's matching her level of engagement (no pun intended). Relationships are like tennis. You serve a ball, you wait for it to come back. You don't just turn on a ball machine and then wonder why they're not returning every ball. It's a dance. Relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP in your shoes, I would pull back a bit. It's not mind games, it's matching her level of engagement (no pun intended). Relationships are like tennis. You serve a ball, you wait for it to come back. You don't just turn on a ball machine and then wonder why they're not returning every ball. It's a dance. Relax.

This is very good advice.

I also agree with the poster who thinks you slept with her too soon. 2 months is nothing, in the big scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

She's not into you.

[Anonymous]

You can never, I repeat never, sleep with someone too soon.

[Anonymous]

I think she is interested but the question is what level of commitment. She may only want something casual because she doesn’t want to get distracted from her studies, she could be dating other people, she may not be sure enough of you if it’s worth altering plans etc. Or, she could be interested but you have to establish ahead when is her free time and get to the point of standing dates like I would see my DH every Friday when we were dating. The other option she could have the type of personality that she doesn’t plan ahead and when she is there, she is in the moment, but she isn’t going to proactively communicate or plan and if you have to decide if that works for you.

So if it’s been two months and you are intimate I agree with PP about finding out if she is interested in dating exclusively and as part of that trying to establish at least once a week when you will see each other. If she isn’t interested in either of those things you know where you stand and I personally would date other people..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP in your shoes, I would pull back a bit. It's not mind games, it's matching her level of engagement (no pun intended). Relationships are like tennis. You serve a ball, you wait for it to come back. You don't just turn on a ball machine and then wonder why they're not returning every ball. It's a dance. Relax.

Nah, op is the guy, she's the girl. It's ok for him to pursue. Showing interest makes most women like a guy more. It makes women feel special and wanted. Just keep asking her out, trying to see her, and see where it goes, OP. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP in your shoes, I would pull back a bit. It's not mind games, it's matching her level of engagement (no pun intended). Relationships are like tennis. You serve a ball, you wait for it to come back. You don't just turn on a ball machine and then wonder why they're not returning every ball. It's a dance. Relax.

Nah, op is the guy, she's the girl. It's ok for him to pursue. Showing interest makes most women like a guy more. It makes women feel special and wanted. Just keep asking her out, trying to see her, and see where it goes, OP. Good luck.

I just want to add, most women do NOT sleep 3 times with men they aren't at least somewhat into. There is at least some interest on her part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP in your shoes, I would pull back a bit. It's not mind games, it's matching her level of engagement (no pun intended). Relationships are like tennis. You serve a ball, you wait for it to come back. You don't just turn on a ball machine and then wonder why they're not returning every ball. It's a dance. Relax.

Nah, op is the guy, she's the girl. It's ok for him to pursue. Showing interest makes most women like a guy more. It makes women feel special and wanted. Just keep asking her out, trying to see her, and see where it goes, OP. Good luck.

I just want to add, most women do NOT sleep 3 times with men they aren't at least somewhat into. There is at least some interest on her part.

Agreed. Just don't hound her, OP. She's busy and independent; the last thing she wants is a guy who is dependent on her. She wants a guy who is busy with his own career and interests.

Frankly, she sounds like a keeper. Play it cool, tell her you really like her, and that you're interested in exclusively dating. But don't demand to see her 4 nights per week....she doesn't have time for that. She will be much more focused on the relationship when she's done with school.

[Anonymous]

Based on what OP has described, I can't get a good read on whether the woman is into him or not.

All that said, fwiw, I think people who are "soooooo busy" in the dating phase of life are big red flags. I mean, this woman is in school, doesn't have a job, doesn't have a spouse, presumably doesn't own a SFH, and doesn't have kids (the big one). Yes, school is demanding. But I think almost anyone who has a full time job, kids, home obligations, spouse, all added together can look back on their days where their only obligation was nothing but being a full time student. And you look back and think how easy things were. The woman can't literally be doing school for 18 hours a day 7 days a week. Because how could people go to nursing school with kids? Or a spouse that they maintain a good relationship with? People do those things concurrently, and are successful. Anyone who can't get their sh*t together more as a student without any other obligations is a big red flag to me. I dated a guy in college for 3 years who was "so busy" with school, but in hind sight he was just a narcissistic drama queen who was incapable of prioritizing anyone other than himself ever.

The exception being, of course, if the "so busy" person is dating someone who for whatever reason is totally fine with it (either they like alone time, independence, or are equally busy themselves). But if someone is already frustrated that their SO is "so busy" while you are dating, it's a big red flag for me that this isn't going to work.

So when I read OP's post, I think either the woman is a drama queen who needs to get her sh*t together, or isn't into OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on what OP has described, I can't get a good read on whether the woman is into him or not.

All that said, fwiw, I think people who are "soooooo busy" in the dating phase of life are big red flags. I mean, this woman is in school, doesn't have a job, doesn't have a spouse, presumably doesn't own a SFH, and doesn't have kids (the big one). Yes, school is demanding. But I think almost anyone who has a full time job, kids, home obligations, spouse, all added together can look back on their days where their only obligation was nothing but being a full time student. And you look back and think how easy things were. The woman can't literally be doing school for 18 hours a day 7 days a week. Because how could people go to nursing school with kids? Or a spouse that they maintain a good relationship with? People do those things concurrently, and are successful. Anyone who can't get their sh*t together more as a student without any other obligations is a big red flag to me. I dated a guy in college for 3 years who was "so busy" with school, but in hind sight he was just a narcissistic drama queen who was incapable of prioritizing anyone other than himself ever.

The exception being, of course, if the "so busy" person is dating someone who for whatever reason is totally fine with it (either they like alone time, independence, or are equally busy themselves). But if someone is already frustrated that their SO is "so busy" while you are dating, it's a big red flag for me that this isn't going to work.

So when I read OP's post, I think either the woman is a drama queen who needs to get her sh*t together, or isn't into OP.

OP said she is a nurse and a student, not just a nursing student. That’s demanding, not melodramatic. She has at least some kind of social life, as they met at a party.

[Anonymous]

If she’s still in her twenties, you have no chance. She’ll get married, but not to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on what OP has described, I can't get a good read on whether the woman is into him or not.

All that said, fwiw, I think people who are "soooooo busy" in the dating phase of life are big red flags. I mean, this woman is in school, doesn't have a job, doesn't have a spouse, presumably doesn't own a SFH, and doesn't have kids (the big one). Yes, school is demanding. But I think almost anyone who has a full time job, kids, home obligations, spouse, all added together can look back on their days where their only obligation was nothing but being a full time student. And you look back and think how easy things were. The woman can't literally be doing school for 18 hours a day 7 days a week. Because how could people go to nursing school with kids? Or a spouse that they maintain a good relationship with? People do those things concurrently, and are successful. Anyone who can't get their sh*t together more as a student without any other obligations is a big red flag to me. I dated a guy in college for 3 years who was "so busy" with school, but in hind sight he was just a narcissistic drama queen who was incapable of prioritizing anyone other than himself ever.

The exception being, of course, if the "so busy" person is dating someone who for whatever reason is totally fine with it (either they like alone time, independence, or are equally busy themselves). But if someone is already frustrated that their SO is "so busy" while you are dating, it's a big red flag for me that this isn't going to work.

So when I read OP's post, I think either the woman is a drama queen who needs to get her sh*t together, or isn't into OP.

Op here. She isn't just a student. She works full-time and is 6 months into a 2 years masters program for a CRNA. She spends most of her time outside of work or in class to do homework and study. You sure look down on students as if that isn't hard. You sound the drama queen.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she really is interested in you but is also very busy. You only met two months ago and you've been on several dates together. And she has initiated dates and conversations. If you have every evening free and she can only get together once or twice a week, it probably feels like she isn't into you. But she probably needs to spend one night doing laundry and dishes and another night relaxing and another night with friends and the rest studying etc. My boyfriend was a junior associate at a big law firm when we started dating and he was crazy busy with work, plus he had friends and wanted to go to the gym and just hang out at home occasionally. At first I was really worried that he only wanted to get together once a week and figured I was very low on his list of priorities. But as we kept dating, we would find ways to get a little more time together. Even if he just slept at my place after a long night at work (he lives a couple blocks away) and we had a quick breakfast. Happily married now with kids, he was worth the extra patience!

[Anonymous]

Sure she is interested but playing hard to get and probably dating and facking other guys. She wants to see a level of interest from you leading to marriage. She's probably confused and thinks you don't check all her boxes. You must not be 6'2".