Sexless marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has put on a ton of weight and it's hard for me to get excited about having sex with her. We've talked about it a lot but she just doesn't seem to care. She will say I'm still the same person you married. Well in my eyes she isn't. Over time we all put on some pounds but she outweighs me. I'm not one to cheat but I'm nearing the end of my rope. My daughter leaves for college next year and I will probably follow her out the door.

How much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has put on a ton of weight and it's hard for me to get excited about having sex with her. We've talked about it a lot but she just doesn't seem to care. She will say I'm still the same person you married. Well in my eyes she isn't. Over time we all put on some pounds but she outweighs me. I'm not one to cheat but I'm nearing the end of my rope. My daughter leaves for college next year and I will probably follow her out the door.

How much weight are we talking in pounds and clothing size? From what to what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a guy, but I've had 2 partners with little/no interest in sex. It was due to combination of severe depression/excessive porn use/addiction/various other mental problems. Probably low T for one of them.

Neither were willing to try to fix things until I had checked out of the relationship and was actively trying to attract other men. Too late by then.

Yep, anxiety/depression plus a porn addiction will do it -- and completely destroys any hope for a normal intimate relationship, sadly.

[Anonymous]

what is considered a porn addiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a DW in the same situation, I will be following this thread with much interest.

I'm also a DW in a sexless marriage. Married 5 years and haven't had sex in 3. The last 2 times we did it, I got pregnant both times (one MC, one toddler). DH has a chronic health issue and acts tired and lazy all the time. Even before DC came along, sex had become infrequent and I was always the initiator. I gave up because I got tired of crying myself to sleep after my attempts to have sex were rejected. I never thought I'd be in my mid-30s and not be having any sex at all. I have told DH that it's not normal but it's not easy to talk about. I want another baby now and don't know what to do. It's depressing.

FWIW, I'm thin, HWP, attractive, and others seem to like me. I think I'm a good, intelligent person.

[Anonymous]

Low testosterone and stress of small children can be a libido killer in men. I've experienced this. Believe it or not, some husbands have low sex drives or slow down a lot with age...even in their 40s. I am a DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DW in the same situation, I will be following this thread with much interest.

I'm also a DW in a sexless marriage. Married 5 years and haven't had sex in 3. The last 2 times we did it, I got pregnant both times (one MC, one toddler). DH has a chronic health issue and acts tired and lazy all the time. Even before DC came along, sex had become infrequent and I was always the initiator. I gave up because I got tired of crying myself to sleep after my attempts to have sex were rejected. I never thought I'd be in my mid-30s and not be having any sex at all. I have told DH that it's not normal but it's not easy to talk about. I want another baby now and don't know what to do. It's depressing.

FWIW, I'm thin, HWP, attractive, and others seem to like me. I think I'm a good, intelligent person.

Ugh. I am in a terrifyingly similar situation. I, too, with all the things I worried about / problems I envisioned encountering in my life, never even considered being in my thirties and in a sexless marriage. It's mind-boggling to me. And it sucks because I don't feel like I can talk about it to many people in real life...I feel a definite shame (and anger, and sadness...) about it. FTR I too am thinking about wanting another baby in the near future and don't quite know what to do. In one way, is it wise to being another child into a problematic marriage? But in another, it's not like it's a high conflict marriage, and the truth is I don't think this is something I would end it over...things are pretty good otherwise, and I'm realistic. But damn it really does suck...

I'm not sure what HWP is, but I'm also thin / fit and attractive. And if I didn't bring it up (...not that bringing it up ever changes anything), we would literally just NEVER talk about it. Like it seems he wants to just pretend sex is not something that even exists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DW in the same situation, I will be following this thread with much interest.

I'm also a DW in a sexless marriage. Married 5 years and haven't had sex in 3. The last 2 times we did it, I got pregnant both times (one MC, one toddler). DH has a chronic health issue and acts tired and lazy all the time. Even before DC came along, sex had become infrequent and I was always the initiator. I gave up because I got tired of crying myself to sleep after my attempts to have sex were rejected. I never thought I'd be in my mid-30s and not be having any sex at all. I have told DH that it's not normal but it's not easy to talk about. I want another baby now and don't know what to do. It's depressing.

FWIW, I'm thin, HWP, attractive, and others seem to like me. I think I'm a good, intelligent person.

Ugh. I am in a terrifyingly similar situation. I, too, with all the things I worried about / problems I envisioned encountering in my life, never even considered being in my thirties and in a sexless marriage. It's mind-boggling to me. And it sucks because I don't feel like I can talk about it to many people in real life...I feel a definite shame (and anger, and sadness...) about it. FTR I too am thinking about wanting another baby in the near future and don't quite know what to do. In one way, is it wise to being another child into a problematic marriage? But in another, it's not like it's a high conflict marriage, and the truth is I don't think this is something I would end it over...things are pretty good otherwise, and I'm realistic. But damn it really does suck...

I'm not sure what HWP is, but I'm also thin / fit and attractive. And if I didn't bring it up (...not that bringing it up ever changes anything), we would literally just NEVER talk about it. Like it seems he wants to just pretend sex is not something that even exists

PP. I empathize with you and have had the same thoughts.

It kills me when my friends talk about how much sex they're having with their husbands. I've never divulged that I'm in a sexless marriage and just smile and play along.

It's worse when it's drilled into your mind that men think about and want to have sex all the time. Why, then, doesn't he want to do it with me? DH isn't the cheating type and doesn't work late. It doesn't compute.

HWP = height/weight proportionate. I didn't "let myself go" when I had a baby, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DW in the same situation, I will be following this thread with much interest.

I'm also a DW in a sexless marriage. Married 5 years and haven't had sex in 3. The last 2 times we did it, I got pregnant both times (one MC, one toddler). DH has a chronic health issue and acts tired and lazy all the time. Even before DC came along, sex had become infrequent and I was always the initiator. I gave up because I got tired of crying myself to sleep after my attempts to have sex were rejected. I never thought I'd be in my mid-30s and not be having any sex at all. I have told DH that it's not normal but it's not easy to talk about. I want another baby now and don't know what to do. It's depressing.

FWIW, I'm thin, HWP, attractive, and others seem to like me. I think I'm a good, intelligent person.

Ugh. I am in a terrifyingly similar situation. I, too, with all the things I worried about / problems I envisioned encountering in my life, never even considered being in my thirties and in a sexless marriage. It's mind-boggling to me. And it sucks because I don't feel like I can talk about it to many people in real life...I feel a definite shame (and anger, and sadness...) about it. FTR I too am thinking about wanting another baby in the near future and don't quite know what to do. In one way, is it wise to being another child into a problematic marriage? But in another, it's not like it's a high conflict marriage, and the truth is I don't think this is something I would end it over...things are pretty good otherwise, and I'm realistic. But damn it really does suck...

I'm not sure what HWP is, but I'm also thin / fit and attractive. And if I didn't bring it up (...not that bringing it up ever changes anything), we would literally just NEVER talk about it. Like it seems he wants to just pretend sex is not something that even exists

PP. I empathize with you and have had the same thoughts.

It kills me when my friends talk about how much sex they're having with their husbands. I've never divulged that I'm in a sexless marriage and just smile and play along.

It's worse when it's drilled into your mind that men think about and want to have sex all the time. Why, then, doesn't he want to do it with me? DH isn't the cheating type and doesn't work late. It doesn't compute.

HWP = height/weight proportionate. I didn't "let myself go" when I had a baby, either.

urban dictionary says HWP is really just a way to hide your weight. What give you more info, me telling you I'm 5"1' and 115# or HWP? Obviously the former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DW in the same situation, I will be following this thread with much interest.

I'm also a DW in a sexless marriage. Married 5 years and haven't had sex in 3. The last 2 times we did it, I got pregnant both times (one MC, one toddler). DH has a chronic health issue and acts tired and lazy all the time. Even before DC came along, sex had become infrequent and I was always the initiator. I gave up because I got tired of crying myself to sleep after my attempts to have sex were rejected. I never thought I'd be in my mid-30s and not be having any sex at all. I have told DH that it's not normal but it's not easy to talk about. I want another baby now and don't know what to do. It's depressing.

FWIW, I'm thin, HWP, attractive, and others seem to like me. I think I'm a good, intelligent person.

Ugh. I am in a terrifyingly similar situation. I, too, with all the things I worried about / problems I envisioned encountering in my life, never even considered being in my thirties and in a sexless marriage. It's mind-boggling to me. And it sucks because I don't feel like I can talk about it to many people in real life...I feel a definite shame (and anger, and sadness...) about it. FTR I too am thinking about wanting another baby in the near future and don't quite know what to do. In one way, is it wise to being another child into a problematic marriage? But in another, it's not like it's a high conflict marriage, and the truth is I don't think this is something I would end it over...things are pretty good otherwise, and I'm realistic. But damn it really does suck...

I'm not sure what HWP is, but I'm also thin / fit and attractive. And if I didn't bring it up (...not that bringing it up ever changes anything), we would literally just NEVER talk about it. Like it seems he wants to just pretend sex is not something that even exists

PP. I empathize with you and have had the same thoughts.

It kills me when my friends talk about how much sex they're having with their husbands. I've never divulged that I'm in a sexless marriage and just smile and play along.

It's worse when it's drilled into your mind that men think about and want to have sex all the time. Why, then, doesn't he want to do it with me? DH isn't the cheating type and doesn't work late. It doesn't compute.

HWP = height/weight proportionate. I didn't "let myself go" when I had a baby, either.

urban dictionary says HWP is really just a way to hide your weight. What give you more info, me telling you I'm 5"1' and 115# or HWP? Obviously the former.

I'm not hiding anything. 5'8" and 140.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DW in the same situation, I will be following this thread with much interest.

I'm also a DW in a sexless marriage. Married 5 years and haven't had sex in 3. The last 2 times we did it, I got pregnant both times (one MC, one toddler). DH has a chronic health issue and acts tired and lazy all the time. Even before DC came along, sex had become infrequent and I was always the initiator. I gave up because I got tired of crying myself to sleep after my attempts to have sex were rejected. I never thought I'd be in my mid-30s and not be having any sex at all. I have told DH that it's not normal but it's not easy to talk about. I want another baby now and don't know what to do. It's depressing.

FWIW, I'm thin, HWP, attractive, and others seem to like me. I think I'm a good, intelligent person.

Ugh. I am in a terrifyingly similar situation. I, too, with all the things I worried about / problems I envisioned encountering in my life, never even considered being in my thirties and in a sexless marriage. It's mind-boggling to me. And it sucks because I don't feel like I can talk about it to many people in real life...I feel a definite shame (and anger, and sadness...) about it. FTR I too am thinking about wanting another baby in the near future and don't quite know what to do. In one way, is it wise to being another child into a problematic marriage? But in another, it's not like it's a high conflict marriage, and the truth is I don't think this is something I would end it over...things are pretty good otherwise, and I'm realistic. But damn it really does suck...

I'm not sure what HWP is, but I'm also thin / fit and attractive. And if I didn't bring it up (...not that bringing it up ever changes anything), we would literally just NEVER talk about it. Like it seems he wants to just pretend sex is not something that even exists

PP. I empathize with you and have had the same thoughts.

It kills me when my friends talk about how much sex they're having with their husbands. I've never divulged that I'm in a sexless marriage and just smile and play along.

It's worse when it's drilled into your mind that men think about and want to have sex all the time. Why, then, doesn't he want to do it with me? DH isn't the cheating type and doesn't work late. It doesn't compute.

HWP = height/weight proportionate. I didn't "let myself go" when I had a baby, either.

Because he is using porn multiple times a day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DW in the same situation, I will be following this thread with much interest.

I'm also a DW in a sexless marriage. Married 5 years and haven't had sex in 3. The last 2 times we did it, I got pregnant both times (one MC, one toddler). DH has a chronic health issue and acts tired and lazy all the time. Even before DC came along, sex had become infrequent and I was always the initiator. I gave up because I got tired of crying myself to sleep after my attempts to have sex were rejected. I never thought I'd be in my mid-30s and not be having any sex at all. I have told DH that it's not normal but it's not easy to talk about. I want another baby now and don't know what to do. It's depressing.

FWIW, I'm thin, HWP, attractive, and others seem to like me. I think I'm a good, intelligent person.

Ugh. I am in a terrifyingly similar situation. I, too, with all the things I worried about / problems I envisioned encountering in my life, never even considered being in my thirties and in a sexless marriage. It's mind-boggling to me. And it sucks because I don't feel like I can talk about it to many people in real life...I feel a definite shame (and anger, and sadness...) about it. FTR I too am thinking about wanting another baby in the near future and don't quite know what to do. In one way, is it wise to being another child into a problematic marriage? But in another, it's not like it's a high conflict marriage, and the truth is I don't think this is something I would end it over...things are pretty good otherwise, and I'm realistic. But damn it really does suck...

I'm not sure what HWP is, but I'm also thin / fit and attractive. And if I didn't bring it up (...not that bringing it up ever changes anything), we would literally just NEVER talk about it. Like it seems he wants to just pretend sex is not something that even exists

PP. I empathize with you and have had the same thoughts.

It kills me when my friends talk about how much sex they're having with their husbands. I've never divulged that I'm in a sexless marriage and just smile and play along.

It's worse when it's drilled into your mind that men think about and want to have sex all the time. Why, then, doesn't he want to do it with me? DH isn't the cheating type and doesn't work late. It doesn't compute.

HWP = height/weight proportionate. I didn't "let myself go" when I had a baby, either.

urban dictionary says HWP is really just a way to hide your weight. What give you more info, me telling you I'm 5"1' and 115# or HWP? Obviously the former.

I'm not hiding anything. 5'8" and 140.

Much better than 5'1" and 140. or 5'8" and 115. Why don't men start giving their stats?

[Anonymous]

5-11, 190... A little soft around the middle and would like to get down to a fit 180. 7" when hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't men start giving their stats?

6'1", 165#, 17% body fat.
8 inches.

We've had sex 10 times in 2017. I have tried to initiate sex 13 times and have been rejected 11 times. It has been six weeks since the last time we've had sex. On average, we have had sex once every 4 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because she rarely wants to have sex with me. If it can be fixed, she'll have to be part of the solution. Anything I've tried solely on my end has been ineffective.

'Fixed' - a poor choice of words.