Disappointed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you were living in Europe, with your spouse as the breadwinner and you decided to leave for the US with your kids upon divorcing? If it was important to you that your kids maintain a relationship with their father maybe you shouldnt have moved to a different continent.

+1000. Such skewed views here. You're the one that moved, not him.

She was on a spousal visa. Her only option upon separation was to leave him. She isn't allowed to work in that country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you were living in Europe, with your spouse as the breadwinner and you decided to leave for the US with your kids upon divorcing? If it was important to you that your kids maintain a relationship with their father maybe you shouldnt have moved to a different continent.

+1000. Such skewed views here. You're the one that moved, not him.

She was on a spousal visa. Her only option upon separation was to leave him. She isn't allowed to work in that country.

Or rent her own apartment.

[Anonymous]

For OP, and those who are certain she is the problem. Here is the website about divorce in the Foreign Service: https://www.state.gov/documents/organization/9517.pdf.

It includes an FAQ, which OP surely has read, right? Because it says this:

9). How can an employee’s wages or pension be garnished?
Wages of an employee or pension of a retiree can be garnished for child support or alimony payment if
the ex-spouse presents a court order for debt garnishment to the Office of Legislation and General
Management at the Department of State, or to their agency. (5 U.S.C., 5520a(j)(2))3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For OP, and those who are certain she is the problem. Here is the website about divorce in the Foreign Service: https://www.state.gov/documents/organization/9517.pdf.

It includes an FAQ, which OP surely has read, right? Because it says this:

9). How can an employee’s wages or pension be garnished?
Wages of an employee or pension of a retiree can be garnished for child support or alimony payment if
the ex-spouse presents a court order for debt garnishment to the Office of Legislation and General
Management at the Department of State, or to their agency. (5 U.S.C., 5520a(j)(2))3

OP here. My STBX works for the Department of Defense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP, and those who are certain she is the problem. Here is the website about divorce in the Foreign Service: https://www.state.gov/documents/organization/9517.pdf.

It includes an FAQ, which OP surely has read, right? Because it says this:

9). How can an employee’s wages or pension be garnished?
Wages of an employee or pension of a retiree can be garnished for child support or alimony payment if
the ex-spouse presents a court order for debt garnishment to the Office of Legislation and General
Management at the Department of State, or to their agency. (5 U.S.C., 5520a(j)(2))3

OP here. My STBX works for the Department of Defense.

Simple google search, OP.

https://www.dfas.mil/garnishment/childsupportalimony/startpayment.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP, and those who are certain she is the problem. Here is the website about divorce in the Foreign Service: https://www.state.gov/documents/organization/9517.pdf.

It includes an FAQ, which OP surely has read, right? Because it says this:

9). How can an employee’s wages or pension be garnished?
Wages of an employee or pension of a retiree can be garnished for child support or alimony payment if
the ex-spouse presents a court order for debt garnishment to the Office of Legislation and General
Management at the Department of State, or to their agency. (5 U.S.C., 5520a(j)(2))3

OP here. My STBX works for the Department of Defense.

Simple google search, OP.

https://www.dfas.mil/garnishment/childsupportalimony/startpayment.html

OP, have you contacted a lawyer? This information is so easy to find ...

[Anonymous]

Here you go -- these rules apply to ALL federal employees:

Law and Implementing Regulation

Federal law authorizes the pay of active, reserve, and retired members of the military and the pay of civilian employees of the federal government to be garnished (or attached) for the payment of child and/or spousal support. The law is found at 42 U.S.C. 659, and the implementing regulation is found at 5 C.F.R. Part 581.

If you have questions about child support or alimony, please call 888-DFAS-411 or 888-332-7411.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you were living in Europe, with your spouse as the breadwinner and you decided to leave for the US with your kids upon divorcing? If it was important to you that your kids maintain a relationship with their father maybe you shouldnt have moved to a different continent.

+1000. Such skewed views here. You're the one that moved, not him.

She was on a dependent visa, dingbat. No spouse, no visa.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are choosing divorce. You do not dictate where he lives. If he quits his job and moves back to the US, he has no income and no income means no child support. You are very selfish to expect him to follow you after a divorce. You don't want to be with him. Allow him to live his life. I have to assume this is all fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are choosing divorce. You do not dictate where he lives. If he quits his job and moves back to the US, he has no income and no income means no child support. You are very selfish to expect him to follow you after a divorce. You don't want to be with him. Allow him to live his life. I have to assume this is all fake.

If he actually wanted to see his kids, it would not be hard to get transferred BACK to the states. There are, I don't know, a gagillion DOD employees in the DC area???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are choosing divorce. You do not dictate where he lives. If he quits his job and moves back to the US, he has no income and no income means no child support. You are very selfish to expect him to follow you after a divorce. You don't want to be with him. Allow him to live his life. I have to assume this is all fake.

If he actually wanted to see his kids, it would not be hard to get transferred BACK to the states. There are, I don't know, a gagillion DOD employees in the DC area???

It depends on the job. Even if he comes, she may not allow him to see the kids. My husband was military. She moved, he tried to transfer and was not able to. Its not always easy. DOD could mean anything. And, it would have made no sense for my husband to leave the military as she kept denying visitation and contact despite the court order. OP wants him to come back for her needs. She is going to do everything possible to make his life as difficult as possible. Since she move, technically she should be the one bringing them to him and paying transportation costs.

[Anonymous]

She has given details in a million previous threads. This was not a marriage she could stay in; she stayed many years longer than she should have.

However, I'm really starting to wonder if she's for real. All of these threads suggest such a passive, do-nothing kind of person, and yet she managed to leave and get herself and her kids back to VA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've posted about your XDH a lot on these boards.

First, I'm so glad you left him. Even if you never see a dime, you are better off.

Second, it was clear from the posts you made in the Relationships forum that he didn't care much about you or your kids, especially if it required any effort or change on his part. You were an easy spouse, so he stayed married; now you're not, and he is done.

Third, I still don't understand how a federal employee can get away with not responding and not paying child support. It's not like they can't track his wages. Did you ever get a lawyer who specializes in divorces from federal employees?

One earlier thread:

Before a child support order is established, what can I do (if anything)?
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/653656.page

And another:

Child support that can't be collected???
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/656590.page

+1. So many threads. Just cut the husband lose. Why would you want an abusive man around your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has given details in a million previous threads. This was not a marriage she could stay in; she stayed many years longer than she should have.

However, I'm really starting to wonder if she's for real. All of these threads suggest such a passive, do-nothing kind of person, and yet she managed to leave and get herself and her kids back to VA.

It took a lot of threads to get her to finally leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has given details in a million previous threads. This was not a marriage she could stay in; she stayed many years longer than she should have.

However, I'm really starting to wonder if she's for real. All of these threads suggest such a passive, do-nothing kind of person, and yet she managed to leave and get herself and her kids back to VA.

It took a lot of threads to get her to finally leave.

OP here. Very true. I was two months pregnant when I found out my STBX cheated on me - this was last June. He was financially controlling and I had/have limited means to leave, and felt trapped.

However, I finally reached my limit. I took out a credit card and flew back to the states with my kids three months ago. I've gotten a place, a car, and a job, enrolled my daughter in preschool, found a good caretaker for my son, and been able to manage these many moving parts on my own. I have so much more energy and joy now that I am out of that horrible marriage.

It's been encouraging to learn that I have strength and fortitude I didn't know I had.