Adult daughter unreasonable about babysitter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has not paid a babysitter even once in seven years for her children. We babysit at least twice a week, usually overnight once on weekends. On this date we are going to the beach the day they have a big elementary school benefit. She has two weeks notice to hire a sitter but whines her husband won't spend the $15-$20 for sitter. The more she whines (can't find a sitter, can't afford a sitter, blah blah) the angrier I feel. She's called three X in two days to complain.

Tell her to get a job so she can pay a sitter herself.

What makes you think she isn't working? Not that it matters here, but some spouses have the same opposition to getting a sitter when both spouses work. So, PP, your comment was unhelpful.

OP, finding a sitter is your daughter and SIL's problem. I agree with ignoring her complaints. If pressed, stay firm and Ask your DD what she's going to do instead. She might have to skip this event. Does her DH think she's over involved in school events?

How so? She can still tell DH "I am paying for a sitter because I want to go to X event." She chooses not to. OP can edit the response to say "You can pay the sitter yourself. Do that."

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell your daughter that she's lost sight of how much you do to help her and her constant whining about needing a babysitter is making you feel terribly unappreciated and taken for granted.

[Anonymous]

you've definitely spoiled her.
quit babysitting cold turkey for a while, and let her see how it feels to be on her own.
then ease back into it.
she will be much more thankful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should tell your daughter that she's lost sight of how much you do to help her and her constant whining about needing a babysitter is making you feel terribly unappreciated and taken for granted.

YES!!!!! She's being a brat and calling her out on it is the only way to get through to her (short of smacking her upside her spoiled head!)

[Anonymous]

Can't she attend the benefit and her husband stay with the kids? My husband and I do this all the time.

[Anonymous]

His sister is driving three hours each way to babysit. I'm keeping my mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His sister is driving three hours each way to babysit. I'm keeping my mouth shut.

The minute your daughter makes some sort of remark about the hardship for her sister in law or for herself in having to make the crazy plan that requires 6 hours of driving for a babysitting kid you need to respond firmly and not accept blame. Your daughter sounds spoiled. That she would inconvience her SIL in that way is really telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His sister is driving three hours each way to babysit. I'm keeping my mouth shut.

The minute your daughter makes some sort of remark about the hardship for her sister in law or for herself in having to make the crazy plan that requires 6 hours of driving for a babysitting kid you need to respond firmly and not accept blame. Your daughter sounds spoiled. That she would inconvience her SIL in that way is really telling.

This. Your daughter kind of sucks. Next time she complains I'd clear the air. A
How much is that going to cost for gas and tolls?? I hope she's at least coming for a weekend visit and not just showing up in time to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His sister is driving three hours each way to babysit. I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Good call. None of your business if Sister-IL agreed and daughter and sonIL found another solution

[Anonymous]

If she is going to a school benefit, does that mean she pays for her kids to attend private school?

What a mooch. Either they should pay for a sitter or only one parent attends the benefit.

Nice that her sister is helping...she should give her gas $$ or a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has not paid a babysitter even once in seven years for her children. We babysit at least twice a week, usually overnight once on weekends. On this date we are going to the beach the day they have a big elementary school benefit. She has two weeks notice to hire a sitter but whines her husband won't spend the $15-$20 for sitter. The more she whines (can't find a sitter, can't afford a sitter, blah blah) the angrier I feel. She's called three X in two days to complain.

My mother babysits my children as often as you do. And I am so grateful. Grateful for their relationship (my daughter says Grandma is my "favorite person of earf", I am forever grateful for the time off. She and my dad do go on trips just then a few times a year and I am just appalled that your daughter is making you feel guilty about that.

You need to find a way to tell her that while you love your grandchildren more than anything, you are also a person who gets to do things that they want to do. And she needs to find a backup babysitter because grandma is not always available.

[Anonymous]

double edged sword. as a grand parent, you should be happy that you have a great relationship with your daughter and you get to see your grandchildren alot. take a look here on dcum about all the toxic mother/daughter relationship.

Its sounds like though your relationship could be heading that way as it sounds like DD is taking advantage of your kind heart and you are starting to feel bitter about being used as a door mat

I don't understand why they are not taking their child to the beach with them or to the elementary school event...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His sister is driving three hours each way to babysit. I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Then that's on the SIL/ aunt. And she's a fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His sister is driving three hours each way to babysit. I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Then that's on the SIL/ aunt. And she's a fool.

I'm guessing this is actually on dad, who bullied his sister into giving up an entire day of her life so that he didn't have to spend $75 on a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are just easier for DD to use than trying to vett a sitter, and there is an initial mental hurdle to get over when hiring one's first sitter. It's that "stranger watching my kid" hurdle. Your DD has to get over it, and you need to help her.

You HAVE to become unavailable for one event, and force them to either sit at home or hire a sitter. It is the ONLY way to get her to step up; she must sit through a consequence.

Now this particular event might be too important for you to start with, but get to work on doing this for the next event.

On a parallel track, go FIND someone FOR your DD. (Normally that's way too overparenting of you, but in this situation, it's a good move). So what you are doing then is handing her back her problem (I can't babysit) but with the other hand, offering her a ready-made vetted solution ("Larla is an experienced sitter that so-and-so has used for years; she is fabulous and trustworthy"). It makes it easy for your DD to move in that direction.

If DD doesn't go for Larla, then you MUST have other plans and not cave in. Then when she asks again, you MUST have an excuse to not do it (a scheduling conflict) but re-propose Larla.