SAHM soon divorcing. get job before or after divorce is final? for max alimony and child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my question. Let's say she strategically holds off on getting a job before the divorce in order to maximize alimony/CS.

Then afterward she goes and gets a job. This is a change in material circumstances.

Doesn't he then go back and say, "she has income now, so we must recompute alimony/CS"? (And possibly also custody)

Similarly, if he got a big promotion and raise after the divorce, she'd want to recalculate the money based on his new income level, right?

What he makes after the divorce is none of her concern. If its month 3 post-divorce and he gets a new job, she doesn't get a raise in alimony automatically. Only if he argued that he had reduced means/income during the divorce period which is highly unlikely. So if he made 100K throughout the marriage, then she'll get a cut of that - not the 250K he starts making post-divorce. Because its about the standards the kids are used to, not what some greedy woman aspires to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my question. Let's say she strategically holds off on getting a job before the divorce in order to maximize alimony/CS.

Then afterward she goes and gets a job. This is a change in material circumstances.

Doesn't he then go back and say, "she has income now, so we must recompute alimony/CS"? (And possibly also custody)

Similarly, if he got a big promotion and raise after the divorce, she'd want to recalculate the money based on his new income level, right?

Yes, you can recalculate at any time. Most states have online calculators.

If his income goes down, the same thing happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my question. Let's say she strategically holds off on getting a job before the divorce in order to maximize alimony/CS.

Then afterward she goes and gets a job. This is a change in material circumstances.

Doesn't he then go back and say, "she has income now, so we must recompute alimony/CS"? (And possibly also custody)

Similarly, if he got a big promotion and raise after the divorce, she'd want to recalculate the money based on his new income level, right?

What he makes after the divorce is none of her concern. If its month 3 post-divorce and he gets a new job, she doesn't get a raise in alimony automatically. Only if he argued that he had reduced means/income during the divorce period which is highly unlikely. So if he made 100K throughout the marriage, then she'll get a cut of that - not the 250K he starts making post-divorce. Because its about the standards the kids are used to, not what some greedy woman aspires to.

If he gets a huge salary jump, she would be stupid not to request a change in child support. You don't know what you're talking about.

Mom's salary and Dad's salary are put into a calculator - that's where the numbers come from. Different salary = different number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should talk to an attorney first, both for advice on how getting a job now will affect her child/spousal support, and for some general guidance on how assets are likely to be divided and what kind of support she can expect. It wouldn't be great for her to take a job with lower pay and more flexible hours based on an expectation of having the kids the majority of the time and sufficient child/spousal support to supplement the salary, only to find out when she's six weeks on the job that she's only going to have them 50% of the time and support will be much less than she anticipated so she needs to find a different job.

Yes, an attorney should be able to run some quick numbers before she leaves, if she has her husband's salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my question. Let's say she strategically holds off on getting a job before the divorce in order to maximize alimony/CS.

Then afterward she goes and gets a job. This is a change in material circumstances.

Doesn't he then go back and say, "she has income now, so we must recompute alimony/CS"? (And possibly also custody)

Similarly, if he got a big promotion and raise after the divorce, she'd want to recalculate the money based on his new income level, right?

Thats not entirely correct. Child support is generally modifiable except for a few situations that are not applicable here. Alimony is sometimes modifiable and sometimes not.

Yes, you can recalculate at any time. Most states have online calculators.

If his income goes down, the same thing happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's only known a few weeks and she already knows for sure she wants to divorce? What does the DH want to do?

I know she is in shock, but I think she should totally slow play this, go to counseling, etc. and give herself time to get her ducks in a row before demanding a divorce.

OP here- DH wants to continue his long-time multi-year affair/s. That's why she's almost 100% sure of divorce. Her head is spinning it's all happening so fast. He hasn't moved out, so the financial situation hasn't changed yet.
Yes, she knows she has to go back to work. 10+ years ago, he was the one who wanted her to quit to stay home with the kids. Then he ramped up his "travelling" for work, and she handled almost 100% of everything at home for years.
She really doesn't think he'll want split custody- he barely wants to see his kids as it is.

IMHO, she definitely deserves the max financial support from him. He ruined her life. She could have kept working years ago and been so much better off now, but he took that away from her. She will need to work her way back up, which will take years. I know- I'm a high level manager now. I want to help her network again- but at the right time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's only known a few weeks and she already knows for sure she wants to divorce? What does the DH want to do?

I know she is in shock, but I think she should totally slow play this, go to counseling, etc. and give herself time to get her ducks in a row before demanding a divorce.

OP here- DH wants to continue his long-time multi-year affair/s. That's why she's almost 100% sure of divorce. Her head is spinning it's all happening so fast. He hasn't moved out, so the financial situation hasn't changed yet.
Yes, she knows she has to go back to work. 10+ years ago, he was the one who wanted her to quit to stay home with the kids. Then he ramped up his "travelling" for work, and she handled almost 100% of everything at home for years.
She really doesn't think he'll want split custody- he barely wants to see his kids as it is.

IMHO, she definitely deserves the max financial support from him. He ruined her life. She could have kept working years ago and been so much better off now, but he took that away from her. She will need to work her way back up, which will take years. I know- I'm a high level manager now. I want to help her network again- but at the right time.

Unfortunately there is a difference between what is fair based on how things went down, and what is legal. Like some PP said, financial stuff comes down to a straight formula. Her best choice is to meet with a lawyer immediately to get a sense of what will happen with a divorce. Then she can start making plans with facts in mind rather than theories and wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to talk to a lawyer.

How much she gets in child support depends on a number of factors - how much she has the kids, how much her salary is. She may be in for a shock at how low child support may be if he wants 50/50 custody (which will cut his child support amount drastically). She may get a small amount of alimony for a couple of years if she has been out of the workforce for a while.

In almost all cases, SAHMs need to tighten their belts significantly.

"SAHM" is a perk of marriage that is lost when the marriage ends.
I've (personally) never heard of a divorced SAHM. On what planet does this exist?

If there are lots of assets, anything goes. Don't know if that's the case here.

If there's multiple millions of assets to split so that neither has to ever work again, sure then I suppose you could say there is a SAHM ...and also a SAHD since neither have to work.
Thank you for bringing up a scenario that applies to 0.00000000000001 of the population!

I hereby clarify my statement: SAHM is a perk of marriage that is lost when the marriage ends unless you are in the top 0.00000000000001 wealth.
The other 99.999999999999999% of SAHM must go back to work after divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really does depend on the state. Many states, it's just a formula. He makes x, she makes x and child needs x and parents each contribute x depending on income.

She should look for a job now. She has no idea how long its going to take her to get a job. She will probably move out at some point during the separation, and in some states, the separation period can't even begin until you're living apart. Does she plan to keep the house?

When she does get a job, he can just go and ask for the support numbers to be changed to reflect her income. It is really futile at this point.

And we all "deserve" the maximum amount of support.

+1. And from his perspective, he has been supporting her for a number of years already.

What kind of crap is this? You could easily rephrase that to read "and from her perspective she's been raising his kids for a number of years already." Why do people seem to think that men are "owed" someone raising their children and then act like the mom has been sitting on her ass "being supported." Presumably, this was a joint decision the couple made, but now that the marriage is tanking he's been "supporting her." BS.
Signed, a WOHM but this is crap.

It's 2017. Imagine your H was a SAHD and you were paying him alimony. Could you even imagine a grown man/woman getting money for just being married to you. It's bull. Get a job, support yourself. Child support is a different story.

Alimony needs to go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's only known a few weeks and she already knows for sure she wants to divorce? What does the DH want to do?

I know she is in shock, but I think she should totally slow play this, go to counseling, etc. and give herself time to get her ducks in a row before demanding a divorce.

OP here- DH wants to continue his long-time multi-year affair/s. That's why she's almost 100% sure of divorce. Her head is spinning it's all happening so fast. He hasn't moved out, so the financial situation hasn't changed yet.
Yes, she knows she has to go back to work. 10+ years ago, he was the one who wanted her to quit to stay home with the kids. Then he ramped up his "travelling" for work, and she handled almost 100% of everything at home for years.
She really doesn't think he'll want split custody- he barely wants to see his kids as it is.

IMHO, she definitely deserves the max financial support from him. He ruined her life. She could have kept working years ago and been so much better off now, but he took that away from her. She will need to work her way back up, which will take years. I know- I'm a high level manager now. I want to help her network again- but at the right time.

That is not how marital law works, you can't sue for pain and suffering.

She needs a lawyer, you won't get good advice her, we don't even know what state you are in. Laws vary. Everything varies.

[Anonymous]

The DH is having fun now because reality hasn't hit. Get the divorce rolling and get a job after it's over with. Make him take the kids 50% of the time and be that ex wife that never goes away. See how long his relationship lasts. He's going to be paying for his wife and kids for many years. Most of the men I know who left their families were very much impacted over the years. Many we know won't be able to retire. She married a scumbag and found out the hard way. Morals are very big when you pick a partner, hopefully a learning lesson for her. I'm sure there were many red flags she ignored in the beginning.
Either way I would take him back to court as often as possible for increases for the kids needs etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really does depend on the state. Many states, it's just a formula. He makes x, she makes x and child needs x and parents each contribute x depending on income.

She should look for a job now. She has no idea how long its going to take her to get a job. She will probably move out at some point during the separation, and in some states, the separation period can't even begin until you're living apart. Does she plan to keep the house?

When she does get a job, he can just go and ask for the support numbers to be changed to reflect her income. It is really futile at this point.

And we all "deserve" the maximum amount of support.

+1. And from his perspective, he has been supporting her for a number of years already.

What kind of crap is this? You could easily rephrase that to read "and from her perspective she's been raising his kids for a number of years already." Why do people seem to think that men are "owed" someone raising their children and then act like the mom has been sitting on her ass "being supported." Presumably, this was a joint decision the couple made, but now that the marriage is tanking he's been "supporting her." BS.
Signed, a WOHM but this is crap.

It's 2017. Imagine your H was a SAHD and you were paying him alimony. Could you even imagine a grown man/woman getting money for just being married to you. It's bull. Get a job, support yourself. Child support is a different story.

Alimony needs to go away.

It won't go away and shouldn't. Especially when one cheats and leaves the family. My friend will get alimony for life or until she gets married again. She's on a disability and he didn't see that one coming. He also has to keep a life insurance policy on himself. And she's the owner of the policy so he can never cancel it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my question. Let's say she strategically holds off on getting a job before the divorce in order to maximize alimony/CS.

Then afterward she goes and gets a job. This is a change in material circumstances.

Doesn't he then go back and say, "she has income now, so we must recompute alimony/CS"? (And possibly also custody)

Similarly, if he got a big promotion and raise after the divorce, she'd want to recalculate the money based on his new income level, right?

What he makes after the divorce is none of her concern. If its month 3 post-divorce and he gets a new job, she doesn't get a raise in alimony automatically. Only if he argued that he had reduced means/income during the divorce period which is highly unlikely. So if he made 100K throughout the marriage, then she'll get a cut of that - not the 250K he starts making post-divorce. Because its about the standards the kids are used to, not what some greedy woman aspires to.

If he gets a huge salary jump, she would be stupid not to request a change in child support. You don't know what you're talking about.

Mom's salary and Dad's salary are put into a calculator - that's where the numbers come from. Different salary = different number.

My comments were strictly regarding alimony. Should have been clearer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really does depend on the state. Many states, it's just a formula. He makes x, she makes x and child needs x and parents each contribute x depending on income.

She should look for a job now. She has no idea how long its going to take her to get a job. She will probably move out at some point during the separation, and in some states, the separation period can't even begin until you're living apart. Does she plan to keep the house?

When she does get a job, he can just go and ask for the support numbers to be changed to reflect her income. It is really futile at this point.

And we all "deserve" the maximum amount of support.

+1. And from his perspective, he has been supporting her for a number of years already.

What kind of crap is this? You could easily rephrase that to read "and from her perspective she's been raising his kids for a number of years already." Why do people seem to think that men are "owed" someone raising their children and then act like the mom has been sitting on her ass "being supported." Presumably, this was a joint decision the couple made, but now that the marriage is tanking he's been "supporting her." BS.
Signed, a WOHM but this is crap.

It's 2017. Imagine your H was a SAHD and you were paying him alimony. Could you even imagine a grown man/woman getting money for just being married to you. It's bull. Get a job, support yourself. Child support is a different story.

Alimony needs to go away.

It won't go away and shouldn't. Especially when one cheats and leaves the family. My friend will get alimony for life or until she gets married again. She's on a disability and he didn't see that one coming. He also has to keep a life insurance policy on himself. And she's the owner of the policy so he can never cancel it.

None of what you imagine is true is actually true.

Cheating is not even admissible in court, the judge does not care because he is probably banging his law clerk.

He can change his life insurance to ho to his new bimbo.

Her best bet isid he just goes before the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really does depend on the state. Many states, it's just a formula. He makes x, she makes x and child needs x and parents each contribute x depending on income.

She should look for a job now. She has no idea how long its going to take her to get a job. She will probably move out at some point during the separation, and in some states, the separation period can't even begin until you're living apart. Does she plan to keep the house?

When she does get a job, he can just go and ask for the support numbers to be changed to reflect her income. It is really futile at this point.

And we all "deserve" the maximum amount of support.

+1. And from his perspective, he has been supporting her for a number of years already.

What kind of crap is this? You could easily rephrase that to read "and from her perspective she's been raising his kids for a number of years already." Why do people seem to think that men are "owed" someone raising their children and then act like the mom has been sitting on her ass "being supported." Presumably, this was a joint decision the couple made, but now that the marriage is tanking he's been "supporting her." BS.
Signed, a WOHM but this is crap.

It's 2017. Imagine your H was a SAHD and you were paying him alimony. Could you even imagine a grown man/woman getting money for just being married to you. It's bull. Get a job, support yourself. Child support is a different story.

Alimony needs to go away.

I'm not even really saying if alimony should or shouldn't go away. It's this BS about he's been supporting her as if he was forced into it and now she's going to pay for being such a slacker. It's that attitude I can't stand. "I'm done with you now, hit the curb" after they apparently made the joint decision that she would remove herself from the workforce. He didn't "support her" out of the goodness of his heart - he was supporting a family while she stayed at home with the kids.