SAHM soon divorcing. get job before or after divorce is final? for max alimony and child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not get a job if you have been married over ten years. This will impact your alimony.

Talk to an attorney. All assets cumulated during your marriage will be split 50/50. Start saving cash. Good luck.

Thanks. They have been married over 10 years. almost 15 I think. I hope you are right about the 50/50 split, and I hope it includes future income for a considerable time.
It just makes me sick to think she might be stuck living in a crappy apartment, struggling to pay bills and he gets to have a nice house and easy life.
She is such a great person and he is slime. She took care of absolutely everything, so that he had to do nothing but think about work. Maybe she made it too easy for him.
Anyway, I used to work with her and she is/was so smart, great degree. She could have been as successful as him, or more so if she kept working, but he guilted her into staying home.
Now, she is almost starting over in her mid-40's and it will take her another 10-15 years to get to a high level position with really good income.
He should definitely pay alimony while she starts over.

[Anonymous]

You're trolling pretty hard, OP.

Yes, the SAHP is to blame for making his life too easy so he was forced to cheat and now she's going to be working for scraps while living in a crappy apartment while he's high rolling.

Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're trolling pretty hard, OP.

Yes, the SAHP is to blame for making his life too easy so he was forced to cheat and now she's going to be working for scraps while living in a crappy apartment while he's high rolling.

Sure.

Either that or OP is the SAHM who is divorcing and doesn't want to get slammed.

[Anonymous]

It's a set up to get someone slammed- all SAHP.

[Anonymous]

OP here again- yes, I am definitely taking her side.
but back to the point. I think I could help get her a staff level job pretty quickly, but if she had more time to look, possibly something really good could come up. Our industry is doing well right now and there is a lot of demand. And she asked me to look for her,
but I would hate her to sacrifice any immediate alimony.

Neither she nor I know how money works in divorce (and honestly, I don't want to ask her too many questions), but she's meeting with a lawyer in a week and a half, so she'll get more info then.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I was totally sarcastic when I said maybe she made it too easy for him- guess I should have made that more clear.
Sorry for interjecting my personal feelings. I really just am trying to find out if she's better off getting a job now or later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like her spouse was a high earner. She will get a nice payout, negotiate college payment, and get half of his retirement. Plus she's rid of a cheater and has a nice cushion to either train for a new job or pick up her old one. Doesn't sound all that negligent to me.

You're dreaming. Nice payouts are what pre-nups are for. Idiots who fall into SAHM territory are more like sink-or-swim.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4412890/Hunter-Biden-s-wife-sobs-court-judge-grants-divorce.html

What is the relevance of the link. Each process is unique.
We were waiting in court for the judge to rubber-stamp our divorce while listening to the couple fighting in front of the judge (lawyers doing most of the talking).The They were arguing about whether her 6 hours a week at a library counts as a job and if she can get more hours. The breadwinner husband was making more an hour than she was in a year, three kids. It went on and on.

The relevance is - no pre-nup means you're stuck begging. Your anecdote fits in nicely with that.

No prenup will help you with custody, so if you can't agree you will be "stuck begging". What's added argument about money to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not get a job if you have been married over ten years. This will impact your alimony.

Talk to an attorney. All assets cumulated during your marriage will be split 50/50. Start saving cash. Good luck.

Thanks. They have been married over 10 years. almost 15 I think. I hope you are right about the 50/50 split, and I hope it includes future income for a considerable time.
It just makes me sick to think she might be stuck living in a crappy apartment, struggling to pay bills and he gets to have a nice house and easy life.
She is such a great person and he is slime. She took care of absolutely everything, so that he had to do nothing but think about work. Maybe she made it too easy for him.
Anyway, I used to work with her and she is/was so smart, great degree. She could have been as successful as him, or more so if she kept working, but he guilted her into staying home.
Now, she is almost starting over in her mid-40's and it will take her another 10-15 years to get to a high level position with really good income.
He should definitely pay alimony while she starts over.

Ladies, this is a great example of why SAHM is not a long term career plan. Do it when your kids are little if you want and then get your azz back to work. Those kids are YOURS to provide for too and if anything happens to your husband (divorce or death) you've got to be prepared to step up and pay the bills. Now she's lost 15 years of putting in for SS and building income and reputation and experience in her industry. It ain't the way, my friends. I'll be damned I'm gonna wake up at 43 facing "starting over" with no way to take care of myself and my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I was totally sarcastic when I said maybe she made it too easy for him- guess I should have made that more clear.
Sorry for interjecting my personal feelings. I really just am trying to find out if she's better off getting a job now or later.

Have her talk to a lawyer. DCUM can't have a rational conversation about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[quote=

Usually he is just being a good guy because the wife "cant image dropping kids at daycare".., he begrudgingly agreed to let her stay home with the expectation she will go back to work when the kids are in school.

If YOU honestly think a woman who is a SAHM is worthless and does not "work" because she "can't image dropping kids at daycare".., You have NO IDEA the value to YOUR CHILDREN. If my husband "begrudgingly agreed to let " me stay home and raise our family AND do all of the other things (laundry, cooking, cleaning, bills, watch our children , help our children with homework, etc etc) I would tell him FU and find someone else. NOT all men are such A**holes. My husband VALUES me and has a wonderful life, because love and family is MORE important than money and greed. Oh and my kids are grown and I'm still a SAHM, .My "job" is having a happy life with my DH, who by the way, gets plenty of sex . When your wife withholds sex or gets fat maybe it is because you have made her very unhappy, so she is making YOU unhappy.