My husband jus found out he may have a sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My FIL died more than 2 years ago. DH got a call at work from a 3rd party trying to help someone locate their father. I never heard about this but apparently FIL almost flunked out of his elite new England college and spent a semester or a year elsewhere and it may have happened during that time (sister would be 10 years older than him, about 53). His parents were divorced and he has a brother who is likely undiagnosed on the autism spectrum. DH just called his mom and she thinks this could be true. Obviously we would do DNA tests if we get in contact but DH is Just shocked and kind of frozen. Trying to figure out how to support him (we have 2 small kids and don't want to talk about this in front of him).

I'm trying to figure out how his brother having an undiagnosed ASD fits into all this.

Because this site is rife with people who don't understand boundaries.

[Anonymous]

OP, you wrote on my forum post regarding my finding my birth father/brothers months after finding out my DNA results.

I am considered, I believe, a stable person. Finding out that the reality of my familial bloodline was far different than I knew was a huge shock. I went through many stages of shock, anger, sadness, disbelief, sadness again, determination, more sadness............my point is, he'll have to come up with his plan on his own. Give him time and try not to push too much other than letting him know you support whatever he chooses.

Just weeks before my news, I got married to my high school sweetheart. (Let's just say that was 20+ years ago). Having him by my side walking through this, I realized how valuable his unconditional support was. He listened without telling me what I "needed to do" and was understanding of however I needed to process it. He celebrated when I found the family and when I met them.

Your role in this is basically this: Be there for him regardless of his choice. Support the choice he makes. Give your opinion if he asks for it. This is such a personal decision. Give it some time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, what's the big deal? I'm sure I have dozens of half siblings up and down the east coast because of my father's propensities. Still, they are strangers. I would want to keep it that way. If your DH wants to embrace the other half it's up to him. You support his decision whatever it is. DNA is not an invitation to the dining table every thanksgiving.

Exactly and it can bring many unwanted problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband learned of a half sibling in his late 20's. It was crazy and kind of Jerry Springer Show feeling, by after the initial shock wore off it wasn't a big deal. One sibling keeps in decent contact with the 'new' sibling, the rest don't. Be prepared for the sibling to be mainly interested in genetics and not all that interested in a close relationship - that's what happened in our case

So far our kids are unaware of this half sibling. We're not in touch so it doesn't seem like they need to know (yet)

Id hope that is all they would be interested in! Thry are basically a random stranger. Blood might biologically make you a siblings, but certainly not in the emotional sense.