Dealing with Social Exclusion
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Find another school. This is treatment she doesn't deserve. |
Anonymous
| Get her into sports and after school activities she likes.something to try until you can make a bigger decision |
Anonymous
Are you basing that statement on experience or research? Because that makes me feel completely defeated. I'm not OP, but have had a similar experience. |
Anonymous
| Sounds tough . I was your daughter, though in a much larger school, in 6-7th grade. My mom actually let me stay home a lot, even though my teachers weren't happy with this. I credit my mom for knowing I needed a break from all of it. I was academically strong so that wasn't a concern. My parents had their own issues and couldn't afford therapy or private school. I got through it, and while it was excruciating at the time, it's made me, I hope, an authentic, kind, warm hearted person. I will tell you the scars are there but my mother's unfailing support meant everything. Fwiw, I had a dramatic turn in highschool. I found a great group of friends and in college really found "my tribe". I wish your daughter the best and please let her know my story if it would help and that this is but a blip in her lifetime- though it's a painful time. |
Anonymous
Both. Having said that-- we did a LOT of stuff to help my daughter build self-confidence and be less focused on "trying" to fit in. I did a lot of research on this. I do know of one girl that had a significant amount of counseling, went to a new school (private and a bit geeky) and did great. |
Anonymous
+1000 Good luck, op. I'm so sorry this is happening to your daughter. I hope you have the option of a larger environment. Oftentimes in these smaller schools there is nowhere for girls to go. Hugs to you both. It sucks. |
Anonymous
|
So she attended this school all of 6th grade? How were her relationships with other girls in her class in grades 1-5? If she had problems then, perhaps she is a bit quirky and you need to figure how to help her social skills. If she had good friendships and social skills in elementary school and it just started in this new school, there is a strong probability one or two girls feels threatened by her and are purposely making her life miserable. I would homeschool her before I kept sending her there. It is such a small school the teachers and admin must know what is going on. If you do think about homeschooling go to well trained minds forum and they will tell you all about homeschooling and resources.
If the mean girls have enough power to turn all the other girls against her, there isn't much hope. Have her read Blubber by Judy Bloom about a domineering girl who turns the class against another girl. |
Anonymous
|
Private schools always have strong personalities, and often are miserable places for someone who doesn't fit the culture.
This school is so tiny that all it would take is one bad apple in her grade to ruin her life. There may be some truth to typos statement about kids getting ostracized everywhere, and it is certainlly true that her personal issues would follow her to the next school, but... There are many things about the dynamic at a tiny school that wouldn't follow her to the next one. And, there are many of us with stories about ostracism not following us to the next school. |
Anonymous
| OP, is this the German School by any chance? I don't mean to pry, but your description of the grade size and reference to your daughter's school being international makes me wonder. If so, there's unfortunately very little you can do. Bullying/ exclusion is prevalent there, and while there are official programs and a fee teachers who try to help, the administration won't do anything as they need every tuition dollar to keep the school afloat. Even if this is not your daughter's school, if the underlying school dynamics are the same, you'll need to move her. Good luck and strength! |
Anonymous
|
OP, if you are posted overseas are there other schooling options for you? I know several posts only have one school that all the expat kids attend.
Can you explore Stanford Online or a US-based online academy if there are truly no other options for DD? I know this is a an emotionally fraught decision that you are facing. If you are FS the homeschool allowance is an issue now. This same exclusion issue is something our family has faced before in a part of the world where the international school population is nearly all local students. It was exacerbated by the fact that our chidren were excellent students. |
Anonymous
NP here and it wasn't my experience. I switched schools for a similar reason and was never bullied again. |
Anonymous
| This happened to my daughter in a similar sized private school and we put her in public and she thrived. Change schools if possible - even if the other choice seems bad to you now. I wish we would have done it sooner. |
Anonymous
|
I also agree that this is less likely to happen in a larger school, and that is a large part of the problem. Even if your DD is "quirky", in a larger school she could find her tribe, even if it's just 1-2 other kids.
I think you need to pull her out, OP. Explain to her that this is a common dynamic in schools like this and that she's not alone in her experience, but that there's little that can be done when there are only 5 girls in a class. I don't think much can be done to improve things for her in such a tiny school. But the administration needs to treat this as a bullying crisis amongst the girls and initiate some sensitivity training and workshops for the kids. |
Anonymous
|
I am generally not a fan of uprooting kids from a school, but in this case I would immediately be looking for another option.
The impact of this type of mean girl bullying on a girl's psyche can last a lifetime. Your daughter deserves so much better. Help her have it. |
Anonymous
+1. |