Does anyone else think it sucks that adultery doesn't factor into child custody??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Except that sometimes the cheating spouse is the least to blame. Some sins are visible, and a lot are not.

Actually I agree with other PPs: the children's best practical interests are considered, not which spouse wronged which (and in that case, see above - sometimes it's not obvious).

The cheating spouse is almost never the least to blame.

You might tell yourself that to excuse your infidelity, but that is just another lie to beneifit yourself.

+1. Whatever you think the victim of the infidelity might have done to create an unbearable breakdown in the marriage, the appropriate response is to ask for a divorce, not to cheat.

There is no justification for cheating.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a woman, so it is highly unlikely that you won't get at least shared custody. Child custody is biased against men, but it seems to be getting better due to these old goat judges retiring. His ability to be a good spouse isn't relevant to his ability to be a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a woman, so it is highly unlikely that you won't get at least shared custody. Child custody is biased against men, but it seems to be getting better due to these old goat judges retiring. His ability to be a good spouse isn't relevant to his ability to be a good parent.

But often it is. Men who have affairs often check out of the family and have a do-over with a younger woman. It is literally never in the best interests of the child for the dad to start a second family and dilute his time and money.

[Anonymous]

From a lawyer's point of view, you are a nightmare client. Unable to understand or cope when everything doesn't go your way. Unable to put your children's needs ahead of your own. Unable to see priorities. I would not work with you.

[Anonymous]

The courts do not, and should not, care about the sex lives of married people such as affairs, withholding (sexless marriages) etc. The courts don't get involved in many other forms of spousal mistreatment either.

The court's purpose is the ensure the children's needs come first, and a fair split of the marital assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it sucks. My ex DH broke up our family with his affairs and because I could only find a home that I could afford outside the school district (but still very close by) and because he has parents living with him to help with child care, I stand a small chance of losing physical custody of my children because it could be viewed that uprooting them from that district and their home and the care they get as not "in their best interest". Plus, because of that, I'll have to pay child support. How is that fair??? He broke this family up!!! Adultery should absolutely be factored in to chains custody arrangements but it isn't. Does anyone know why and can convince me of the fairness of this?

I agree, but life is not fair. It never has been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a woman, so it is highly unlikely that you won't get at least shared custody. Child custody is biased against men, but it seems to be getting better due to these old goat judges retiring. His ability to be a good spouse isn't relevant to his ability to be a good parent.

But often it is. Men who have affairs often check out of the family and have a do-over with a younger woman. It is literally never in the best interests of the child for the dad to start a second family and dilute his time and money.

Which is why I asked--and OP refused to answer--the actual circumstances of the divorce. If OP left him, she is equally responsible for diluting dad's time and asserts.

Men rarely leave for the AP until the wife throws them out.

[Anonymous]

He cheated for a reason, its never black and white

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He cheated for a reason, its never black and white

It is black and white.

He is a coward who should have asked for a divorce before chesting.

[Anonymous]

OP saisds affairS plural, not an affair single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Except that sometimes the cheating spouse is the least to blame. Some sins are visible, and a lot are not.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it sucks. My ex DH broke up our family with his affairs and because I could only find a home that I could afford outside the school district (but still very close by) and because he has parents living with him to help with child care, I stand a small chance of losing physical custody of my children because it could be viewed that uprooting them from that district and their home and the care they get as not "in their best interest". Plus, because of that, I'll have to pay child support. How is that fair??? He broke this family up!!! Adultery should absolutely be factored in to chains custody arrangements but it isn't. Does anyone know why and can convince me of the fairness of this?

This can easily be spun into "he's not capable of caring for the children, and needs help, so I am the better custodial parent because I am competent".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP saisds affairS plural, not an affair single.

Right. So OP decided she couldn't tolerate him sleeping with other women and left. She is just as responsible for diluting dad's time and assets, and she should settle for joint custody. These are the consequences of her decisions. Why do you think so many of us stay in bad marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Except that sometimes the cheating spouse is the least to blame. Some sins are visible, and a lot are not.

+1

You can identify right off the bat that OP is self centered which is the ultimate sin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adultery is only your...the parent's concern. It doesn't affect his ability to maintain the home that they've always lived in...since it seems his keeping it. Why didn't you keep the home?

I hope he at least bought her out of it, in which case there is no problem.