I can tell my fil to stop this, right?

[Anonymous]

New poster. Where does she say he's a toddler?

[Anonymous]

Op here. He's 5. I tell him about not touching or allowing anyone to touch his private parts and all that. I noticed the butt tickling a while back on a family vacation, but I didn't say anything. Ds was maybe 3. I did tell my husband, but I don't think he ever addressed it with his dad. Then more recently, he was doing it again. It bothers me no end, and I felt like it's very confusing since I teach my son that nobody is allowed to touch his privates, and here I am allowing it. Pp, thank you so much for the script. Very helpful (in my head I was seeing myself blurt out "you don't touch kids butts, you dumbass.") Anyway, I'll have to think a little more about whether to also tell ds to say stop. I don't want to put that on him, but then again, he needs to know how to stand up for himself.

[Anonymous]

You're not being sensitive. It's not ok for grandpa to touch your kid's bottom. Tickling in general is problematic as well since so often kids actually don't like it but have a hard time saying no or being taken seriously when they say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are uptight, but yes you can tell him to stop. I always used to gently tickle my son's butt and tell him I was "tickling his fancy" when he was a toddler to his great delight. Not everything needs to be sexualized.

Ew.

If you're making this innocent act into a big deal, then YOU are disgusting, my friend.

Not PP you were responding to, BTW.

np. I don't think the pp is making a big deal. I never thought to tickle my kids bottom. You don't find that a bit strange?

Op, I woulnd't like it either and I would tell the kid to yell STOP! very loudly. I would tell grandpa to stop if he was too little.

You'd drag a child into this--a very young child who may think it's a fun game, and not understand why he should yell STOP at someone he loves--because you're too much of a coward to directly speak to your FIL?

WOW.

I have seen a lot of hand-wringing doormats around here, but you take the cake.


Obviously, OP, you should calmly and directly address this with FIL. The script you were given above about bathing suit area is a good one.

Calm down. I'm the pp you are calling out. First, op didn't say how old the child was. Obviously, if the child is under two than the parent should speak up first. If the child is over three I think it is a good time to let them know that they have control over their bodies. Sometimes kids may seem like they are enjoying something but, they don't know how to respond when they don't like it and it is being done by an authority figure or someone they love. If over the age of three I would talk to the child and ask them how they feel when grandpa does it. I would tell the child if they didn't like it than they should feel free to tell grandpa to stop.

There was an article in the Washington post about a teacher that for years would have the girls sit in his lap and he would feel them. It wasn't until one girl saw a video about inappropriate touch that she got upset and the teachers knew something was wrong. I'm not saying Grandpa is a doing this but, he is coming close to crossing the line.

I've bolded the last part so you don't go off on me "taking the cake"

If you--and I know this is crazy--READ THE ORIGINAL POST, you would have seen that OP describes her child as a TODDLER. So no, the priority here is not to teach Little Billy a lesson and make him confront someone he loves, it is for OP to stand up for her child and tell Bill Sr. to stop the inappropriate behavior.

I did read the original post, angry poster! Did you? Have you seen the follow up from Op? Her child is five, not two. If Op red flags are coming up we should trust her rather than you who seem rather unhinged. Are you Grandpa?

[Anonymous]

Something is wrong with people that sexualize everything. Why must it be sexual? Why can't it be a loving grandpa tickling his grandson?

A lot of you are messed up

[Anonymous]

does your son have an issue with it? If so, I think he could tell say, "Grandpa, don't touch my butt that is weird." But, OP, most places that are tickle spots are in questionable areas, except the bottoms of the feet.

[Anonymous]

You are not only in your rights to tell him to stop it--I'd tell him if he doesn't stop it he's not going to see your child again.

Whether he intends it to be or not, it's grooming behavior--and whether you intend to allow it or not, you are allowing your child to be groomed. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not only in your rights to tell him to stop it--I'd tell him if he doesn't stop it he's not going to see your child again.

Whether he intends it to be or not, it's grooming behavior--and whether you intend to allow it or not, you are allowing your child to be groomed. Stop it.

Wow, that is over the top. It is only "grooming behavior" if Grandpa plans on molesting the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not only in your rights to tell him to stop it--I'd tell him if he doesn't stop it he's not going to see your child again.

Whether he intends it to be or not, it's grooming behavior--and whether you intend to allow it or not, you are allowing your child to be groomed. Stop it.

So you can be grooming someone without even knowing it? I don't get that.

I spank (lightly - in nothing but fun), pinch, pat and tickle my 8 year olds behind all the time (honestly, he has the cutest little butt I've ever seen). He thinks its hilarious. Am I unintentionally grooming my son?

[Anonymous]

No. It's grooming behavior regardless, because now the kid has the impression that it's OK for an adult to touch him on the butt. He has been groomed, whether Grandpa intends it or not. It's dangerous. It should stop. The OP should stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It's grooming behavior regardless, because now the kid has the impression that it's OK for an adult to touch him on the butt. He has been groomed, whether Grandpa intends it or not. It's dangerous. It should stop. The OP should stop it.

umm, no, it has a definition and that is not it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It's grooming behavior regardless, because now the kid has the impression that it's OK for an adult to touch him on the butt. He has been groomed, whether Grandpa intends it or not. It's dangerous. It should stop. The OP should stop it.

umm, no, it has a definition and that is not it.

Yep. A cursory google search will show that grooming is a complex string of behaviors that progress over time. According to PP, if just one behavior can be categorized as grooming, then merely talking to a child alone can also be categorized as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:does your son have an issue with it? If so, I think he could tell say, "Grandpa, don't touch my butt that is weird." But, OP, most places that are tickle spots are in questionable areas, except the bottoms of the feet.

He doesn't seem to have a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

What's with all these FILs who are sensitive and prone to fits? My FIL is the same way - a jerk who places stress on the entire household. OP - stand up and tell FIL to knock it off. I would do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It's grooming behavior regardless, because now the kid has the impression that it's OK for an adult to touch him on the butt. He has been groomed, whether Grandpa intends it or not. It's dangerous. It should stop. The OP should stop it.

umm, no, it has a definition and that is not it.

+1. Please stop with the misinformation.