Sharing parenting duties with DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to work in the evenings? Get a babysitter and work during the day. Managing 3 kids solo with at least one young enough for diapers is a pain. I'd complain too!

Agreed. It is not fair of you to have him work all day and then come home even just a few nights and pull full time parent duty.

If the genders were reversed here everyone would be screaming about how unreasonable the part time DH was being.

No they wouldn't. People who are not wealthy work opposing shifts and trade off parenting duties all the time, for years. If a part-time employee pays for childcare for 3 children, the income from the part-time employment disappears pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to work in the evenings? Get a babysitter and work during the day. Managing 3 kids solo with at least one young enough for diapers is a pain. I'd complain too!

Agreed. It is not fair of you to have him work all day and then come home even just a few nights and pull full time parent duty.

If the genders were reversed here everyone would be screaming about how unreasonable the part time DH was being.

No they wouldn't. People who are not wealthy work opposing shifts and trade off parenting duties all the time, for years. If a part-time employee pays for childcare for 3 children, the income from the part-time employment disappears pretty quickly.

I agree, PP's seem to be comparing this to one parent in a 2-working-parent household working the second shift alone, when what OP is asking for is a split shift household. She's already got them alone all day, it's actually not that much to ask him to take care of them a few nights a week.

[Anonymous]

Oh that is frustrating for you, I am sure! I know a lot of women struggle with the desire to work, but not wanting the home/kids to fall behind in being cared for. I am a SAHM mostly, but work per diem on the days my hubby has off. I know that his time off from work is valuable to him and he struggles to be really productive, given that he needs rest. He is good at helping out with things like laundry and some dishes, but I am the 'cleaner upper' of the family, so I give grace with him not doing it when he is on his day off and with our baby. One thing I have also discovered is that men (in general- not always) struggle with multi tasking and therefore it could be difficult for them to watch the kids AND do other things (on top of being tired after a long day). If there is something specific that you struggle with (leaving diapers on the floor, for example), would that be something you could talk to him about to keep an eye out for ?
I know it's hard on the family to figure out work schedules, and especially on women as we are in the middle of trying to work but (usually) having the main responsibility to the home on top of that! My biggest encouragement is to not let work get in the way of your marriage relationship... if you feel both of you working is going to cause rifts between you two, then I would suggest that it isn't worth it.
Good luck! I know you aren't alone in your frustrations and they can difficult to navigate

[Anonymous]

Hire childcare and start working more hours.

[Anonymous]

OP, how much do you earn with this work? I was in a similar situation and finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth the stress it caused everyone since I made a fraction of what DH did and we didn't need the money. If you don't make enough to hire help, you don't make enough to justify the work. I agree your DH is being childish, but I get where he's coming from if he didn't agree to this lifestyle and had it sprung on him.

I agree with PP that you hire childcare and work during the day. You could also pick a weekend day to work- I did that for awhile, and it worked well since DH wasn't exhausted from a full workday and could do fun stuff, rather than bedtime routines.