Parents of kids with ADHD who have ADHD themselves - how do you manage?

[Anonymous]

OP here, lots of good suggestions; thank you. I will talk to psychiatrist about other meds for anxiety & ADHD.

12:45, it's somewhat all of the above but mostly I am just overwhelmed. I took the PEP parenting class & learned a lot there, but I am so worn out that in the moment I am not doing a great job at implementing it.

Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, lots of good suggestions; thank you. I will talk to psychiatrist about other meds for anxiety & ADHD.

12:45, it's somewhat all of the above but mostly I am just overwhelmed. I took the PEP parenting class & learned a lot there, but I am so worn out that in the moment I am not doing a great job at implementing it.

Ugh.

OP, do you have friends you're close to? Specifically moms of kids with SN? It can really help sometimes to get out in the sun, take the kids to a park, and spend some time chatting with another adult who "gets it". Or being able to trade going to each others houses and chat & light housework like folding laundry -- NOT entertaining, but doing what moms used to do with sharing work and community. Filling your own bucket is really hard when you have kids even if you have a spouse and NT kids.

Are you able financially to offload some of the work by hiring a mother's helper or house cleaners? What about a meal delivery service?

I think it would be a really good idea to meet with an ADHD coach once a week for a little while. An ADHD coach can help you organize yourself so that it doesn't feel like you're always working uphill to get things done.

[Anonymous]

As a full-time single working parent of an ADHD kid, I feel your pain. It is overwhelming at times and simple things like getting to school in the morning - hard for all parents, so much worse for us. I have anxiety and depression and my child is anxious so meds for both of us help - I call them our "chill pills" but it helps to stay calm and meds helped my child focus in school which also helped with her anxiety. I also think letting go helps - we live in a Pinterest world where everyone else's lives seem so perfect. I am much happier that perfect has given way to ok or good enough (if you can declutter, great, but if not, just do what works for you - when I was single, I could eat off my floors and now, I often can't find the tops of any tables in our home but It's ok). Have fun with your child - sometimes our flaw-o-meters are so highly attuned that we can't appreciate how special our time with our kids is when we feel so overwhelmed (for us, we have game nights or breakfast for dinner as a treat). Routine helps and giving kids ownership of things they can do themselves like setting out clothes for the next day and helping with chores like folding laundry or emptying the dishwasher. Incentive charts can help. Lists. Be kind to yourself as well - take a walk at lunch or meet friends for an occasional lunch. Ask for help if you can and pay for it if you can afford it. The parents of my daughter's friends often give me a night off by inviting her over for sleepovers - just to give me some time to get groceries or get things done like take a much needed nap; it takes a while to build a village but it really helps to find people who get your situation. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

With my ADD, I find the hardest thing to do is make decisions. (What do I do with the piece of mail? I don't know. So it gets stuck in a pile) Then the lack of decisions clutter up my life. And every decision you make every day uses up valuable brain energy. So find ways to make routines a part of your life, so you have less decisions to make.

One simple one I made is- I park in the same row a the grocery store. I don't care if I have to walk waaaaaaay down the row. But now I don't have to remember where I parked. I know I'm down this row and I keep walking until I see my car.

One person I know, every Sunday makes the same lunch and dinner for the week. So this week, every day for lunch is a ham sandwich, with an apple and chips. (then next week it's turkey with fruit cup and popcorn, etc) And for dinner this week, every night, is baked chicken with broccoli and a wild rice. Saves her so much time and money.

My brother's in law, have the same thing every week- Mon is turkey burgers, tues is baked chicken, weds is pasta with meat sauce, etc. Only thing that changes is Fri is take-out/delivery and Sat they go out. But it's one less thing they have to think about. And grocery shopping is very easy.

Another ADD Mom always makes appointments on Wednesdays. Even if it takes longer to see the doc/dentist/hair dresser, etc. That way she doesn't have to remember every day, do I (or the kids) have an appointment today? She just thinks on Tues night, oh do I have an appointment tomorrow. And she never schedules here kids for activities that meet on Wednesday.

Make things as visual as you can. For your son, come up with a routine (like going to bed). Then find pictures to represent it (or even take pictures of him doing it) and put it on poster board.

If you can, find someone to help you make decisions. Sometimes I just need DH to be near me as I go through clutter. Sometimes I just need to talk through whether or not I should keep it (he's learned not make the decision for me) and where I should keep it. Sometimes I give items for him to "find a home for it". Which means he has permission to throw it away (or give it away) when I'm not looking. But I just can't be the one to do it. So in my mind, my item is happily living somewhere in my home. I just don't know where LOL. And honestly, if I don't see it, I never remember it. So find a friend to come over for 1 hour (don't declutter all at once, do it in small sprints) and sit with you while you get rid of stuff.

Like others have said--keep your life simple, simple, simple. Don't sign up for classes or volunteer stuff. Don't worry what other people think. (Who cares if your kid wears the same outfit every Monday?! Or if you wear black pants every day with a different top.) Streamline your life and make everything a routine.

You can do this!

[Anonymous]

OP- how are you doing?