Dating an ex your family never liked?

[Anonymous]

I think dating an ex is rarely a good idea, whether your family liked him or not. There was a reason the relationship didn't work out first time around.

[Anonymous]

Why are you so hesitant to go into any detail? If you just mean he got drunk and missed class, that's one thing. But I have a feeling it's worse and actually not so typical if you won't mention anything here on an anonymous forum.

Regardless, there's nothing you can do to convince your parents one way or another. If he truly has changed, his actions will speak louder than words and they will come to accept him in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so hesitant to go into any detail? If you just mean he got drunk and missed class, that's one thing. But I have a feeling it's worse and actually not so typical if you won't mention anything here on an anonymous forum.

Regardless, there's nothing you can do to convince your parents one way or another. If he truly has changed, his actions will speak louder than words and they will come to accept him in time.

And if they don't, you will have to deal with the consequences of that. There's no easy solution. But it sounds like you are invested in this relationship so you will have to handle the fallout with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was typical college behavior. Same stuff everyone else did all weekend, only he always seemed to get caught.

It was 12 years since we parted ways, but we've been together nearly a year, so 13 years.

Then have a direct conversation with your family. Tell them the future and encourage your bf to develop independent relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was typical college behavior. Same stuff everyone else did all weekend, only he always seemed to get caught.

It was 12 years since we parted ways, but we've been together nearly a year, so 13 years.

Did he get arrested?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so hesitant to go into any detail? If you just mean he got drunk and missed class, that's one thing. But I have a feeling it's worse and actually not so typical if you won't mention anything here on an anonymous forum.

Regardless, there's nothing you can do to convince your parents one way or another. If he truly has changed, his actions will speak louder than words and they will come to accept him in time.

Because OP is immature.

Because if she told us what happened we would likely side with her family, and she doesn't want to hear that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so hesitant to go into any detail? If you just mean he got drunk and missed class, that's one thing. But I have a feeling it's worse and actually not so typical if you won't mention anything here on an anonymous forum.

Regardless, there's nothing you can do to convince your parents one way or another. If he truly has changed, his actions will speak louder than words and they will come to accept him in time.

Because OP is immature.

Because if she told us what happened we would likely side with her family, and she doesn't want to hear that.

But does it matter?

If he overcame these obstacles and is a functioning adult, what does it matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so hesitant to go into any detail? If you just mean he got drunk and missed class, that's one thing. But I have a feeling it's worse and actually not so typical if you won't mention anything here on an anonymous forum.

Regardless, there's nothing you can do to convince your parents one way or another. If he truly has changed, his actions will speak louder than words and they will come to accept him in time.

Because OP is immature.

Because if she told us what happened we would likely side with her family, and she doesn't want to hear that.

But does it matter?

If he overcame these obstacles and is a functioning adult, what does it matter?

As a sister there's a big difference to me in my sister's seeing the ex who failed some classes, cheated on tests and was kicked out of school but eventually got together, and my sister is with the ex who had a drug and alcohol problem that led to expulsion and repeated arrests. Plus whatever other alarming behavior.
One is a youthful mistake the other is a lifelong issue that is likely to impact my sibling , future nieces and nephews and extended family. Yes it's her life and her choice, doesn't men I stop caring about her or worrying about her when she's headed over a cliff but can't see it because the sex is so good and she's desperate to get married by 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so hesitant to go into any detail? If you just mean he got drunk and missed class, that's one thing. But I have a feeling it's worse and actually not so typical if you won't mention anything here on an anonymous forum.

Regardless, there's nothing you can do to convince your parents one way or another. If he truly has changed, his actions will speak louder than words and they will come to accept him in time.

Because OP is immature.

Because if she told us what happened we would likely side with her family, and she doesn't want to hear that.

But does it matter?

If he overcame these obstacles and is a functioning adult, what does it matter?

Clearly it does matter. Clearly it makes a difference to you, because you are being vague. It's an anonymous board full of people who probably have similar experiences who could advise you on steps to take.
But you don't want that you want to hear that the past doesn't matter at all , your family are jerks and as long as you love him it will be okay. Useless post and waste of everyone's time.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are speaking too general to us.

What are "typical" college mistakes??

Plagiarism?

Hazing??

[Anonymous]

What didn't your family like about him? Do they tend to hate a lot of people?

Was it a general...you are too good for him feeling or was it he did x, y, and z and hurt you and they have good reason to be very wary of him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was typical college behavior. Same stuff everyone else did all weekend, only he always seemed to get caught.

It was 12 years since we parted ways, but we've been together nearly a year, so 13 years.

As a parent, I would point out that if he was always getting caught, then that meant he was doing it way more often and in a much more over the top way.

As a parent, if what he was getting caught for involved alcohol or any drugs, I would be deeply concerned that you were back with him. I would advise you against involcement with suc an Ex unless he had a long, demonstrable history of being clean and going to AA or rehab.

As the former wife of an alcoholic who grew up in an alcoholic family, I would advise others not to underestimate the baggage that a person from an alcoholic family carries. I grew up in a family of non-users, And I basically had no idea what I was in for when I met my now Ex, and I really "accepted" what on the face of it seemed like youthful indiscretions that should have been red flags.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people get DUI's. If it was when he was 21 and he no longer drinks, it shouldn't be a red flag. Tell your family to move on.

[Anonymous]

No lots of people don't get DUIs it's not a "thing" it's an issue even if it was just once at 21.

[Anonymous]

Are you the OP of would you marry someone in recovery?