Advice on our family's religious situation (Catholic)

[Anonymous]

^^^ I will check out the bookstore, I work on K St, so very convenient. Currently our older child has started asking questions after church, which is how I know there will be more!

DH's mom is still around. She would thrilled, I didn't know this was an option. His dad's side of the family is not Catholic (dad converted) so no dice on that side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you guys married in the church? That may be an issue with getting the kids baptized - I don't know, but I'm guessing it could be. In your shoes I would register with your parish, and set up an appointment to sit down and talk about it with the priest. Pick the one who seems the warmest . Priests are people too - they'll vary in their approach.

A priest can deal with a non-Catholic church marriage. I had a Methodist friend who married her Catholic DH in an Episcopal Church and they went through a small Catholic ceremony with the priest and just two witnesses present when she was 8 months pregnant. She also was the motivating force and converted to Catholicism in the same small ceremony. I was both her sponsor and her witness.

That's so offensive. You know she had to do that because they didn't consider her married before, right? Technically you're not even supposed to have sex with your spouse while you're planning a convalidation because they don't believe you're married. I can't believe women go through with that sham.

Just...so offensive.

[Anonymous]

We didn't get married in the church, and only the first priest we dealt with mentioned that we could still do a Church marriage. I had no interest, so ignored it. We had both kids baptized, and now the older one is getting ready for 1st communion.

We've seen babies and older kids getting baptized. I don't think they question it! For your older kid, I'd explain what baptism is, and how you want to be part of the community?

[Anonymous]

I think you all need to rewind and explore more about how and why you want to join a church. Your DH should decide if having a faith that he pursues without his spouse's urging is truly important to him. You should look into some RCIA classes to see if your questions about the Catholic Church can be answered to your satisfaction. Join a parish and get to know the community (some of them would likely be happy to be godparents and sponsors for you!) Only then should you move forward with a conscious decision to baptize the kids, thus promising to raise them in the faith. Right now it just seems that you can't honestly make that promise. Don't worry about the ages of the kids. They too can start some religious instruction and the baptism will be all the more meaningful. Don't rush it just for something to do - make it something honestly chosen and respected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you guys married in the church? That may be an issue with getting the kids baptized - I don't know, but I'm guessing it could be. In your shoes I would register with your parish, and set up an appointment to sit down and talk about it with the priest. Pick the one who seems the warmest . Priests are people too - they'll vary in their approach.

A priest can deal with a non-Catholic church marriage. I had a Methodist friend who married her Catholic DH in an Episcopal Church and they went through a small Catholic ceremony with the priest and just two witnesses present when she was 8 months pregnant. She also was the motivating force and converted to Catholicism in the same small ceremony. I was both her sponsor and her witness.

That's so offensive. You know she had to do that because they didn't consider her married before, right? Technically you're not even supposed to have sex with your spouse while you're planning a convalidation because they don't believe you're married. I can't believe women go through with that sham.

Just...so offensive.

The flip side of this is that my very-Catholic father thinks divorce is a sin and remarriage is adultery; and yet his marriage to his current wife (he's her 3rd husband) is sinless because the first two marriages were not in the Church and were prior to her conversion ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you guys married in the church? That may be an issue with getting the kids baptized - I don't know, but I'm guessing it could be. In your shoes I would register with your parish, and set up an appointment to sit down and talk about it with the priest. Pick the one who seems the warmest . Priests are people too - they'll vary in their approach.

A priest can deal with a non-Catholic church marriage. I had a Methodist friend who married her Catholic DH in an Episcopal Church and they went through a small Catholic ceremony with the priest and just two witnesses present when she was 8 months pregnant. She also was the motivating force and converted to Catholicism in the same small ceremony. I was both her sponsor and her witness.

That's so offensive. You know she had to do that because they didn't consider her married before, right? Technically you're not even supposed to have sex with your spouse while you're planning a convalidation because they don't believe you're married. I can't believe women go through with that sham.

Just...so offensive.

The flip side of this is that my very-Catholic father thinks divorce is a sin and remarriage is adultery; and yet his marriage to his current wife (he's her 3rd husband) is sinless because the first two marriages were not in the Church and were prior to her conversion ...

Yep. Just as offensive. Marriage is only sacred to them if it's THEIR marriage.

[Anonymous]

FYI, every parish differs slightly on rules for baptism. We actually did our second son's baptism at a church other than the one where we are registered; they were willing to let us go with just one godparent (who is Catholic but whose long-term partner is Jewish - she actually participated in the ceremony although wasn't marked by the church as a godparent.) Preparation was just a meeting with the priest in advance.

Our older son is at the age where he could get confirmed and he's done 8 years of CCD/Sunday school... but the rules for confirmation at our parish are insanely strict. He would need an adult sponsor who is a Catholic and is not "living in sin" or married to a non-Catholic, can produce a letter of good faith from his/her own parish, etc. ALso we needed to sign up a year in advance, do service projects and a retreat, etc etc. It's so onerous that I almost think they don't want to have confirmed Catholics anymore.

[Anonymous]

my husband and i were not married in the catholic church. (no reason except we got married in bermuda and priests don't do weddings on the beach.) both babies have been baptized in the catholic church (different parishes too) and neither church had an issue or said anything. kids also go to catholic school, and my non-blessed wedding hasn't been an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, PPs. For those who baptized an older child, what explanation did you give? My older is five and will have questions. As again I'm not the religious one, I'm not sure how to answer. Hopefully DH can pitch in on that one.

"Your baptism is a way of welcoming you into your church family. People will promise to support you as your grow up in the Church."

[Anonymous]

Lifelong Catholic here.

Fine to have kids baptised even if you don't believe.

Don't just convert to do it.

Something is compelling you to do this. Find out what. Read. Think. Pray, even. Try GK Chesterton to start, or Dotstoyevsky (sp), esp. Brothers K. Writings of JPIi and Benedict if you want to go further. Then see how you feel.

The info is there. Seek it.

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend with a Catholic (but not-observant) DH who decided to convert and had her young children baptized at the same time. She took a class before the conversion. FWIW, her DH does not want to be that involved in the church and it has become a point of stress in their relationship. I would explore your own desire to convert as a separate thing from your DH's decisions. He might get more interested over time or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, PPs. For those who baptized an older child, what explanation did you give? My older is five and will have questions. As again I'm not the religious one, I'm not sure how to answer. Hopefully DH can pitch in on that one.

No one really cares. Catholics baptize babies in order for them to be forgiven of original sin before they reach the age of reason and can ask for forgiveness of sin themselves. They will be happy to baptize your child so that, should there be a tragedy, she will go to heaven. No one is worried about why you didn't do it earlier or will refuse if you don't give a good enough reason.

[Anonymous]

My parents were not even married when they had me, my father was not Catholic, and they still had me baptized.

[Anonymous]

Your 5 year old can attend Religious Ed/CCD at your parish which will help with many of the questions. If there is a children's liturgy at one of the Masses, attend that. There might also be social groups that help - our church has a mothers' group that is wonderful.

I think it's a great thing that you are open to exposing your kids to the Catholic Church and I hope you find a community that helps you explore it and explains it well. As a family of practicing Catholics, I know our parish and school (my kids attend our parish school) communities have been instrumental in helping me and my parenting.

[Anonymous]

DH is an atheist and my youngest daughter was 3 when she was baptized. The key to this whole experience will be finding a good, welcoming priest. Since you've been going to mass, you probably have a good idea what priests you might connect with most. Make an appointment with that priest and just tell him the situation and he'll help you handle it.
Our "class" involved meeting with the deacon, and that was it. Easy-peasy. He did ask DH if he was interested in attending a "seekers/questioners" program that our parish has for people who are considering converting. DH said no, and that was that. No big deal at all.
In your case, though, you might want to see if your parish or another parish has a similar program. It's basically a pre-RCIA type program for people who are thinking about converting but aren't ready to really start the process.