Cannot STAND my nephews!
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Anonymous
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I don't have advice for you other than to discipline the whole group as much as possible as if they were all yours and hope to establish a different standard of behavior in your home than is tolerated in theirs. Odds are they're not nearly so bad at school....
I had a close friend with kids who were really tough and it was very hard on the friendship. My kids were such a-holes after being with hers that I started turning down more and more invitations. Maybe try to do more adult-only stuff too? |
Anonymous
So... 7 year old girl (1st born, mature, calm, and well behaved) 3.5 year old boy (REALLY thinks his cousins are cool and REALLY wants to be like the big kids) And 3 (or more brothers) who play like most boys do and act like most brothers do, combined with one ten year old boy who is on the verge of preteendom and isn't awlays the most respectful (ignoring adults, bossing around the little ones, maybe some sass or eye rolling). Perfectly normal behavior by a bunch of perfectly average brothers. (Just wait until your daughter hits the 10-14 year old attitude!) OP, it does not sound like any of this behavior is worth cutting off your family. |
Anonymous
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I understand where you are coming from OP, as I feel the need to limit time spent with my nieces who are close in age to my boys. That said, I think others are spot on that you do so at the expense of a relationship with your brother. In our case, We want to limit time mostly because DH and I find the yelling/whining/nastiness unpleasant to be around and after a while our kids also tire of it. When they were younger, my kids would imitate their behavior, but we were able to quickly make it clear that just bc cousins acted that way didn't make it okay.
We still spend a fair amount of time together as we value the relationship, but I (1) go into into it with low expectations for pleasantness, (2) plan ways to give our family a break (keeping visits short or planning some nuclear-family-only time when we're together for long stretches), and (3) justify my behavior to them by blaming my short-comings rather than their kids or my brother's awful parenting. I tell them I need more down time, get overwhelmed with so many kids and need to keep the visit short, etc. we do spend less time with them than we used to but are still reasonably close. |
Anonymous
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Perhaps talk to your brother about ways to get the cousins having fun without trouble? And recognize that ten is an age you know nothing about.
1. More oversight 2. Pair them off and go do stuff. Not always the pairs you'd expect. 3. Think about if the 10 year old is getting too much responsibility for the littler ones. In my family, my kid and his youngest cousin spent an evening together, bonded, and now get along great. That night taught us a lot about the sibling dynamic in that family and made us smarter about giving my kid ways to enjoy his cousins and about situations to avoid. |
Anonymous
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I only discipline my kids as I think it's disrespectful to do that to another child, especially when their parents are right there.
I realize things will naturally get better as they get older, but in the meantime I'm dealing with the fallout from the situation (my kids get hurt, scared, or start acting like them). I'm also an older mom (40s) and I'm just not as patient with "disrespect" as younger moms seem to be...so their disregard for authority bothers me the most I think. -OP |
Anonymous
Get over yourself! You aren't just some random woman you are their aunt. If you were as old school as you claimed to be you wouldn't have a problem correcting your nephews. If they are hurting your kids you intervene. You give your kids tools for how to cope and what behavior you expect from them. Not that hard. |
Anonymous
There parents' presence means nothing if they are not acting. |
Anonymous
| People thinking this behavior is normal is the proof that we are raising a generation of brats. Hitting, pinching and biting is normal? Yeah! For a two year old. |
Anonymous
Are you kidding? Boys naturally play rough with one another, particularly brothers. They are like puppies. They also do things like put cicada shells on their siblings/cousins' shoulder or chase another kid around with a frog and do other things like that because before they get in trouble it seems like a great, fun idea. OP has said it is actually the sassiness that is an issue. Something that all kids (yes, even your "good" well-raised kids, ask their teachers) do arpund that age when they start pushing boundaries and enter into that no mans land between being a kid and being a teenager. You do not cut off your family for what sounds like normal, developmentally appropriate behavior, ESPECIALLY if your point of reference is on very young, well behaved (in this case) girl, and one preschooler. OP is going to ruin a family relationship, hurt a bunch of kids (not just her nephews but her own) and eat a bunch of crow when her little boy becomes a kid or her sweet little girl hits her tween teen phase (just while the older hoy cousins are calming down and becoming quite fun and pleasant). |
Anonymous
PP again. Hitting, pinching and biting is not the same as playful fighting between children. Boisterous play is developmentally appropriate behavior for young children who learn about people's boundaries, emotional regulation and socialisation. Plain hitting, biting, pinching and sassiness is bratty behavior. |
Anonymous
You're showing your kids that you won't advocate for them when they're hurt or scared by their cousins. Talk to your sibling about how to deal with the behavior, and let them know that you'll step in if there is a safety issue with one of your children, and you should also feel free, if your nephews sass you, to set clear guidelines about what is/is not appropriate when they communicate with you. Don't teach your kids that they have to just suck up behavior that hurts them or isn't respectful of them. |
Anonymous
| You are overreacting and your lack of ability to handle your own anxieties will destroy your relationship with your brother and your children's relationship with their cousins. |
Anonymous
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You haven't said where your kids fall on this. Do they want to hang out with their cousins? If so, I would definitely help make that happen. Kids will tattle and complain but a lot of times they are still having fun. But iF they are like "no, please noooooo....we don't want to see uncle joe and his kids!" that's a different matter.
What you've described could be normal joy behavior or not. It's hard to tell. I'd avoid burning bridges though. Boys are at their worst from about 8 to 14. My 10 year old daughter comes home every day with a laundry list of the disgusting and obnoxious things the boys at school have done. Girls are at their worst from about 11 to 16. Agree it may help to break the kids up into different groups. Ask the 14 year old boy to watch the 3 year old and it may bring out his best side. Pair your 7 year old up with the 10 year old for a game of clue, etc. sounds like it's 5-6 kids together at a time, which is just a lot. I don't blame parents of 3-4 boys for taking a laissez faire approach--you can't really micromanage them when they outnumber you that way so you need to rely on certain "market corrections." |
Anonymous
| PS I'm also in my 40s and am not very bothered by disrespect. C'mon--we grew up in the time of punk rock. Channel your inner pogue and let it roll off your back a little. Plus remember how we grew up in the 70s--no one watched us at all, and most of us survived. Just open the door and tell them to be back by dinner, or go to their room and read (or they can clean the garage). I'm not saying that you need to roll the clock back to 1977, but we can often afford to be a little bit less hands on about our children's lives. |