Feeling seriously disconnected from spouse... Experience divorcing with a toddler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the advice, both not to panic and the more concrete ideas for re-connecting with DH.

I am the OP, and yes also the PP who admitted that I've gained weight post-baby and feel zero desire, for anyone, not just DH.

I used to be very confident, zero jealousy (to the point of having fun threesomes with DH.) Anyway suffice to say, DH and I had a rocking sex life pre-baby. Now I feel intensely uncomfortable about the idea that he may be attracted to or into other women but I don't want to have sex with him either. I know this is not fair and can't continue indefinitely.

I do feel like I've lost my mojo. I feel the pressure of working fulltime and wanting to be home asap after work to be with my child for an hour or so at night.

I think first step will be to start taking an hour for myself in the evening a few times a week to work out, or even take a walk with a friend, and try some therapy on my own.

Thanks DCUM

From one toddler mom to another, try something. The tolls of motherhood are often devalued because many women are parents and they'e managed BUT it doesn't mean motherhood isn't terribly hard. Mothers are the last in the house to have a need met, even the basic ones like using the bathroom or drinking water. I went to therapy when I felt this way and DS was about a year. If the two of you have not recently taken the Love Languages test I would suggest that. Parenthood changes our values and it's possible you're loving each other in the wrong language.

[Anonymous]

Mothering is terribly difficult. Hugs to you op.

[Anonymous]

God it's sooooo simple.
1. Lose the weight
2. have sex 2 or 3 per week.
3. Have a happy marriage

Why is this difficult? Just do it, for crying out loud.

[Anonymous]

I really feel like you are not comprehending the extreme duress and expense and difficulty with divorce. I swear to you it is MUCH simpler to 1) start exercising and 2) revive your sex life. Yes, these things are difficult but they are a tiny tiny fraction the level of difficulty that separating households, paying for two households, negotiating division of assets and your toddler will be.

Some thoughts about weight loss. It's not constructive to focus on prep regrant you. Focus on moving forward from where you are now. Hire a babysitter and go walking one day a week. Or find a gym with babysitting. Or join a stroller cuz class. In other words start small, but get active.

Some thoughts about sex. Marriages without sex are not happy marriages. You need to get back into this. Find some porn if that helps. Try some new positions or new things to do but absolutely get yourself to see this as an important part of the hard work of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God it's sooooo simple.
1. Lose the weight
2. have sex 2 or 3 per week.
3. Have a happy marriage

Why is this difficult? Just do it, for crying out loud.

Awesome, I have told this to my DW and still doesn't get this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God it's sooooo simple.
1. Lose the weight
2. have sex 2 or 3 per week.
3. Have a happy marriage

Why is this difficult? Just do it, for crying out loud.

Awesome, I have told this to my DW and still doesn't get this.

Tell her again. Give her a timeline, and if she isn't willing to prioritize the marriage, then neither will you.
You can be co-parents and live like roommates with an open marriage.
Join yoga and take a spinning class. Go out for coffee afterwards with the ladies.