Husband never wants to visit his parents

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering, too how old the kids are. Maybe OP can meet the grandparents on a Saturday morning and leave the kids with them until Sunday afternoon and meet again to pick them up?

[Anonymous]

I would just say to your DH, next weekend doesn't work, what is your next day off, you should take them then.

This is seriously unacceptable how he is behaving. If he objects to this and the two of you cannot have a conversation that gets you to that point, I think you may need marriage counseling to work it out. His putting this off on you and making you feel guilty that his parents are not seeing his kids is beyond ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Start booking things on your weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're doing the right thing by making sure they have a relationship with your inlaws. I'm really impressed. Your husband is lazy and antisocial. He needs to understand and take responsibility. I don't know how to get it through to him.

I wish I knew too. I feel like the only one I'd be punishing is the grandparents, but my husband obviously does not get it. And I'm tired. My time is important too.

You act like the grandparents are incapable of driving 1.5 hours. Are they? My guess is that they are choosing not to. If they want to be a part of their grandchildren's life, I'm don't see why they can't make the effort to drive.

Why are you accommodating everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just say to your DH, next weekend doesn't work, what is your next day off, you should take them then.

This is seriously unacceptable how he is behaving. If he objects to this and the two of you cannot have a conversation that gets you to that point, I think you may need marriage counseling to work it out. His putting this off on you and making you feel guilty that his parents are not seeing his kids is beyond ridiculous.

How is that happening. OP's husband isn't saying or doing anything to guilt her. SHE is choosing to be the martyr here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say to your DH, next weekend doesn't work, what is your next day off, you should take them then.

This is seriously unacceptable how he is behaving. If he objects to this and the two of you cannot have a conversation that gets you to that point, I think you may need marriage counseling to work it out. His putting this off on you and making you feel guilty that his parents are not seeing his kids is beyond ridiculous.

How is that happening. OP's husband isn't saying or doing anything to guilt her. SHE is choosing to be the martyr here.

Asking her to take them next weekend is obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless they are truly elderly or have health problems, etc., THEY need to step it up a bit more. You could even make it an overnight or weekend visit every now and then. They can watch the kids one evening of that trip while you and DH go to dinner.

Say NO to DH and do what you WANT to do. If they don't get to see the kids, they can complain to him a few times. Or they can drive 1.5 hours every now and again. (WTF? My ILs live 4.5 hours away, and are happy to make the drive, because it's easier for them to come to us than it is for us to come to them. Granted, they stay for a night or two, but sitll.))

Seriously, my MIL drove 6 hours from NC to spend the 4th with us. An hour and half is nothing! Heck thats how long it can take to Baltimore sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you are the only one who cares about that particular relationship, so you will have to decide if it's worth the effort.

I agree. If this were important to either your DH or his parents, they would make more effort. You care more about it than anyone else does. You can't make someone care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you are the only one who cares about that particular relationship, so you will have to decide if it's worth the effort.

I agree. If this were important to either your DH or his parents, they would make more effort. You care more about it than anyone else does. You can't make someone care.

My problem is that I feel I've established a pattern. If I stop now, it will only look bad on me.

The kids are young, under 6. They enjoy the visits, sure, but grandparents are mostly hands off. They never rave about the visits or ask to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say to your DH, next weekend doesn't work, what is your next day off, you should take them then.

This is seriously unacceptable how he is behaving. If he objects to this and the two of you cannot have a conversation that gets you to that point, I think you may need marriage counseling to work it out. His putting this off on you and making you feel guilty that his parents are not seeing his kids is beyond ridiculous.

How is that happening. OP's husband isn't saying or doing anything to guilt her. SHE is choosing to be the martyr here.

Asking her to take them next weekend is obnoxious.

Agreed: it's obnoxious. But he's not guilting her. She is choosing to feel that all on her own.
"Sorry, I can take the kids to your parents. You're more than welcome to do that. Please contact your parents and let them know your decision. I've got to go start dinner now."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you are the only one who cares about that particular relationship, so you will have to decide if it's worth the effort.

I agree. If this were important to either your DH or his parents, they would make more effort. You care more about it than anyone else does. You can't make someone care.

My problem is that I feel I've established a pattern. If I stop now, it will only look bad on me.

The kids are young, under 6. They enjoy the visits, sure, but grandparents are mostly hands off. They never rave about the visits or ask to visit.

Really? "It will look bad on me." Did you really just type that OP? Come on. Stop this nonsense and live your life. Stop trying to please everyone. If you choose to take the kids to the ILs, then do so without whining. And if you choose to grow a backbone, then enjoy your weekends. Your husband and ILs can figure this out. Stop enabling everyone. It's annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you are the only one who cares about that particular relationship, so you will have to decide if it's worth the effort.

I agree. If this were important to either your DH or his parents, they would make more effort. You care more about it than anyone else does. You can't make someone care.

My problem is that I feel I've established a pattern. If I stop now, it will only look bad on me.

The kids are young, under 6. They enjoy the visits, sure, but grandparents are mostly hands off. They never rave about the visits or ask to visit.

I'd probably feel the same way, op. It may help to start by breaking the pattern/expectation. Be busy a few weekends in a row. Make a whole bunch of appointments, take a class, whatever. Then just start pulling back and inviting them to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you are the only one who cares about that particular relationship, so you will have to decide if it's worth the effort.

I agree. If this were important to either your DH or his parents, they would make more effort. You care more about it than anyone else does. You can't make someone care.

My problem is that I feel I've established a pattern. If I stop now, it will only look bad on me.

The kids are young, under 6. They enjoy the visits, sure, but grandparents are mostly hands off. They never rave about the visits or ask to visit.

Really? "It will look bad on me." Did you really just type that OP? Come on. Stop this nonsense and live your life. Stop trying to please everyone. If you choose to take the kids to the ILs, then do so without whining. And if you choose to grow a backbone, then enjoy your weekends. Your husband and ILs can figure this out. Stop enabling everyone. It's annoying.

And your judgment isn't annoying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you are the only one who cares about that particular relationship, so you will have to decide if it's worth the effort.

I agree. If this were important to either your DH or his parents, they would make more effort. You care more about it than anyone else does. You can't make someone care.

My problem is that I feel I've established a pattern. If I stop now, it will only look bad on me.

The kids are young, under 6. They enjoy the visits, sure, but grandparents are mostly hands off. They never rave about the visits or ask to visit.

I'd probably feel the same way, op. It may help to start by breaking the pattern/expectation. Be busy a few weekends in a row. Make a whole bunch of appointments, take a class, whatever. Then just start pulling back and inviting them to come.

This. Sign your kids up for sports or classes on the weekend. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you are the only one who cares about that particular relationship, so you will have to decide if it's worth the effort.

I agree. If this were important to either your DH or his parents, they would make more effort. You care more about it than anyone else does. You can't make someone care.

My problem is that I feel I've established a pattern. If I stop now, it will only look bad on me.

The kids are young, under 6. They enjoy the visits, sure, but grandparents are mostly hands off. They never rave about the visits or ask to visit.

Really? "It will look bad on me." Did you really just type that OP? Come on. Stop this nonsense and live your life. Stop trying to please everyone. If you choose to take the kids to the ILs, then do so without whining. And if you choose to grow a backbone, then enjoy your weekends. Your husband and ILs can figure this out. Stop enabling everyone. It's annoying.

And your judgment isn't annoying?

Judgment? Nah, just some tough love for OP. She needs to stop worrying about everyone else.