Grandparents - how long is enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest about your limits. Once you set the boundaries, don't brag on facebook about how much you are doing. It's extremely annoying when gps do a little bit, then undermine the parents. If you're doing a ton, that's different, but you shouldn't have to do a ton.

How did this come up? Do you need to start a thread of your own issues?

[Anonymous]

For the first time ever we left our kids with the grands for 2 days while we packed the house for a move. It allowed us to get the work done and not worry about their safety. But it felt like a long time away without mum and dad, at least for us. 2-3 sleeps is pretty long.

[Anonymous]

My mother is wonderful and does a week with her older grandkids (who are 7). But with toddlers? For 10 days?! That's a LOT. I'd never ask my mom to do that, unless it was an absolute emergency.

Since she lives close, we do a night at a time. She did two nights when I had my 2nd baby.

I think it's ok to say that overnights can't be for more than a weekend. Then if they are older and can do some self-entertaining, you could think about more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I just took care of two toddlers for ten days. While we had a "third hand" for three hours in the morning, it was exhausting. While the children are loving and adorable, it was non-stop except when they were asleep. Even then we slept with one ear/eye open. We both agreed that it is not something we'd do again...we have two other kids with children....but we know we will be asked. What is the max other GP's are willing to do? What should their children expect? My DH said "I'm OK with two nights but never again!!".

We do not have grandchildren yet but my children already know that we are not, never will be, their babysitters. Our kids, we took care of them smd hired babysitters. Their kids smd they can do the same. As soon as youngest if out if college, we downsize to a two bedroom with den condo in an adult community.

Why on Earth did you ever allow yourself to be used so shamefully?

[Anonymous]

I have an extremely easy baby and would love a week. Baby goes to daycare, then comes home and is taken care of and then easily goes to sleep.

OP I think you were exhausted because you just aren't used to it and needed to relax more with it. Why were you sleeping with one ear open? Toddlers should be sttn easily and no need to worry. I think you made a lot more work and stress for yourself than you needed to. This wasn't the fault of your kids for leaving grandkids with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I just took care of two toddlers for ten days. While we had a "third hand" for three hours in the morning, it was exhausting. While the children are loving and adorable, it was non-stop except when they were asleep. Even then we slept with one ear/eye open. We both agreed that it is not something we'd do again...we have two other kids with children....but we know we will be asked. What is the max other GP's are willing to do? What should their children expect? My DH said "I'm OK with two nights but never again!!".

We do not have grandchildren yet but my children already know that we are not, never will be, their babysitters. Our kids, we took care of them smd hired babysitters. Their kids smd they can do the same. As soon as youngest if out if college, we downsize to a two bedroom with den condo in an adult community.

Why on Earth did you ever allow yourself to be used so shamefully?

Grandparent of the year here. I'm glad you made sure no one can ever visit you.

Some people love spending time with their grandkids. I can't wait until I'm retired with grandchildren to love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I just took care of two toddlers for ten days. While we had a "third hand" for three hours in the morning, it was exhausting. While the children are loving and adorable, it was non-stop except when they were asleep. Even then we slept with one ear/eye open. We both agreed that it is not something we'd do again...we have two other kids with children....but we know we will be asked. What is the max other GP's are willing to do? What should their children expect? My DH said "I'm OK with two nights but never again!!".

We do not have grandchildren yet but my children already know that we are not, never will be, their babysitters. Our kids, we took care of them smd hired babysitters. Their kids smd they can do the same. As soon as youngest if out if college, we downsize to a two bedroom with den condo in an adult community.

Why on Earth did you ever allow yourself to be used so shamefully?

You make your relationships sound so transactional. Why is it so wrong for grandparents to spend time alone with grandchildren? It doesn't have to be characterized as "babysitting"...it can just be spending time with them.

I do think that 10 days is WAY too long to leave two toddlers with a set of grandparents, but PP at the other extreme sounds really unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

My parents take our kids 1-2 weeks every summer. We live 1000 miles away. They ask for more time (they'd like a full month), but we worry about the tiring out. The kids are 7 and 5 now, and they've been doing it since they were 4.5 and 2.5.

Things that made it easier:
-My kids both sleep 10-11 hours/night, and the younger one still takes a 1-2 hour nap.
-I only left the kids once the youngest was potty trained.
-The older one reads a lot to herself, so she can self entertain, and also reads to the younger sibling.
-we don't control TV/junk food at the grandparents' house. its their house.
-my brother/SIL (childless) live nearby, and come for the full weekend, and give my parents a break.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't really matter what other families do. It matters what you can do - and enjoy! Figure it out, and re-evaluate as the kids (but also you) get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I just took care of two toddlers for ten days. While we had a "third hand" for three hours in the morning, it was exhausting. While the children are loving and adorable, it was non-stop except when they were asleep. Even then we slept with one ear/eye open. We both agreed that it is not something we'd do again...we have two other kids with children....but we know we will be asked. What is the max other GP's are willing to do? What should their children expect? My DH said "I'm OK with two nights but never again!!".

We do not have grandchildren yet but my children already know that we are not, never will be, their babysitters. Our kids, we took care of them smd hired babysitters. Their kids smd they can do the same. As soon as youngest if out if college, we downsize to a two bedroom with den condo in an adult community.

Why on Earth did you ever allow yourself to be used so shamefully?

OP here - very simple I adore my children and my grandchildren. We downsized to a condo 5 years ago and then re-upsized last year when my kids started pumping out baby after baby and we needed more space for family gatherings. The 10 day request was the first more than one night request and I knew my daughter did not have an alternative as she was new to the area. She was going overseas to be a MOH at a wedding, so it wasn't just a vacation. To say no would have been shameful. But, we learned our lesson and now all of our children know that there will be a two night limit likely only once a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an extremely easy baby and would love a week. Baby goes to daycare, then comes home and is taken care of and then easily goes to sleep.

OP I think you were exhausted because you just aren't used to it and needed to relax more with it. Why were you sleeping with one ear open? Toddlers should be sttn easily and no need to worry. I think you made a lot more work and stress for yourself than you needed to. This wasn't the fault of your kids for leaving grandkids with you.

I'm sure it wasn't meant to, but this post comes across entitled and unappreciative.

Taking care of small children that aren't your own always raises the bar on stress levels. Once you've been away from the baby and small children stage for many years, it's also a huge adjustment to go back to the very structured routines and level of supervision needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an extremely easy baby and would love a week. Baby goes to daycare, then comes home and is taken care of and then easily goes to sleep.

OP I think you were exhausted because you just aren't used to it and needed to relax more with it. Why were you sleeping with one ear open? Toddlers should be sttn easily and no need to worry. I think you made a lot more work and stress for yourself than you needed to. This wasn't the fault of your kids for leaving grandkids with you.

I'm sure it wasn't meant to, but this post comes across entitled and unappreciative.

Taking care of small children that aren't your own always raises the bar on stress levels. Once you've been away from the baby and small children stage for many years, it's also a huge adjustment to go back to the very structured routines and level of supervision needed.

This is so true! When you've been out of the baby caring business for 30+ years, getting back in is frightening and exhausting. When your children entrust their children to you, especially for the first time, you always have one ear open just as most parents do. I'd never trust my kids with anyone who had a laissez faire attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an extremely easy baby and would love a week. Baby goes to daycare, then comes home and is taken care of and then easily goes to sleep.

OP I think you were exhausted because you just aren't used to it and needed to relax more with it. Why were you sleeping with one ear open? Toddlers should be sttn easily and no need to worry. I think you made a lot more work and stress for yourself than you needed to. This wasn't the fault of your kids for leaving grandkids with you.

I'm sure it wasn't meant to, but this post comes across entitled and unappreciative.

Taking care of small children that aren't your own always raises the bar on stress levels. Once you've been away from the baby and small children stage for many years, it's also a huge adjustment to go back to the very structured routines and level of supervision needed.

This is so true! When you've been out of the baby caring business for 30+ years, getting back in is frightening and exhausting. When your children entrust their children to you, especially for the first time, you always have one ear open just as most parents do. I'd never trust my kids with anyone who had a laissez faire attitude.

+1 Also, parenting trends have changed significantly and parents seem much more rigid these days. Ours are in college now but so many things that we did with them, including foods we gave them, are no longer in fashion. I can only imagine how much more it will have changed by the time we have grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Do whatever you're comfortable with. There's no right answer, it's all culture and circumstances and personal preferences. My grandmother was our full-time live-in nanny/housekeeper/chef for most of my childhood. That was a common practice in our immigrant community. But I wouldn't expect my parents to do that. And definitely not my American in-laws.

[Anonymous]

I think OP and her DH are saints as I can't imagine taking care of two toddlers for ten days - I'm not even sure I could do it for 2 days. I certainly hope that OP's daughter fully appreciates what her parents did for her. This was above and beyond the call of grandparent duty! Sadly, the grandchildren are likely so young that they will never remember the ten days.