Partner's mom choosing time with ex-DIL she doesn't like over me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it be possible for your partner and yourself to invite the kids to the house you share so that your partner's mother can come to you AND see her grandchildren?

We don't share a house. Partner has his own house. His mom is staying in that house with the kids. She asked me to come spend the weekend. Now she said that's not possible because the ex-wife invited herself over for the weekend.

Grandma likes you more but it's obvious that she is accepting to the exs invites FOR THE KIDS! Don't think twice about it sulk. Do you get along with the ex? Go over there and all hang out. If not don't think twice. It's seriously for the kids. Grandma doesn't want to turn away their birth mom when dad is out of town. She may be shitty but it's still their birth mom.

Enjoy your weeeknd alone!

+1. She is doing this for the kids! She thinks that their mother, regardless of her issues, is important and they deserve to have the time with her. Why do you want to be over there when your boyfriend is gone, anyway? You sound insecure. Do you not have enough to do in your life? What about your own kids?

[Anonymous]

To me it sounds like she's not doing it because she prefers the ex or because she has no boundaries. If I had to guess she's trying to be a good grandma and put the kids needs first by trying help them maintain a relationship with their mom. Even though MIL might prefer OP I bet the kids want to see their mom even if she isn't really highly involved. I bet they miss her and grandma is trying to help. I think it's admirable that she will put up with someone she doesn't enjoy for her grandkids.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the relationships so I can't give advice except to say you can't control what other people choose to do. Just curious are you a guy that was once married to a woman?

[Anonymous]

Obvs gma doesn't like the ex better than you. Gma is just keeping peace with ex. Gma is putting kids first. You have to let it go.

[Anonymous]

You are her child's girlfriend. She is the mother of her grandchildren. She might genuinely enjoy spending time with you, but her priorities are clear and, I think, appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are her child's girlfriend. She is the mother of her grandchildren. She might genuinely enjoy spending time with you, but her priorities are clear and, I think, appropriate.

+1
you can break-up tomorrow and be absolutely nothing - to her, her son and her grandkid. the other woman is the mother of her grandkids forever. you could be a 10 times better person than the other woman, and this won't change.

if that mother wants to see her kids once in a blue moon, she is going to let accommodate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've been together several years and do not live together, maintaining separate homes with your respective children. He's not your partner. He's your boyfriend. His mother may believe the relationship is not serious and spending time with you isn't a priority for her. I would be careful with his mother. She's gossiping to you about her exDIL, saying she would rather spend the time with you. I wouldn't trust that woman.

This. If she's willing to gossip and trash her exDIL to you, what makes you think she doesn't turn around and trash you to the exDIL? My mother is this way, a total gossipy blathermouth. Anything you say to her will be shared with the entire east coast. I learned that the hard way. I share very little with her to give her less ammo to trash me to by siblings/family friends/random people she meets in the bar.

[Anonymous]

You are the girlfriend, and she is the mother of her grandkids. You don't live together, you are not family to her, and in the end, why do you care? She is not your boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

And you don't even live in the same city.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I just reread the whole thing. I think Grandma can't say/won't way no to her ex DIL because she worries if her grandkids will be upset that she forbid their mom to come. Your MIL is put in a real awkward situation. She can't win, and this is the best way she knows how to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it be possible for your partner and yourself to invite the kids to the house you share so that your partner's mother can come to you AND see her grandchildren?

We don't share a house. Partner has his own house. His mom is staying in that house with the kids. She asked me to come spend the weekend. Now she said that's not possible because the ex-wife invited herself over for the weekend.

So they're not your kids, and the mom of the kids is staying in your boyfriend's house, to see the kids? He needs boundaries.

You need a new boyfriend. This is not going to get better.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is this. It's very difficult dealing with an ex-IL when mental health issues and kids are involved. Give your partner's mom a break here. If she has a heart of gold, as you say she does, she's probably doing the best she can.

[Anonymous]

You don't have a partner. You have a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Are these two cities as close as DC to Baltimore, or are we talking you live in DC and he lives in NYC? How often do you see this dude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the girlfriend, and she is the mother of her grandkids. You don't live together, you are not family to her, and in the end, why do you care? She is not your boyfriend.

Pretty much this. You're a long-distance girlfriend. I agree that it's rude that she uninvites you. But it's obvious that she'd want her grandkids to see their mother more than for an hour every couple weeks. Since she lives with them, she probably knows how much they crave love/attention from their mother, and rarely receive it. You can't blame her for that. And not sure what you can do about it, given the circumstances.