I Got Out! You Can, Too.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so happy for you. I left an emotionally and financially abusive marriage with a cheater 8 months ago. It got physical, but not in the conventional sense. He never hit me or threatened to hit me, which made seeing what was happening very hard.

We are still a long way from the divorce being final. Your post comes on a day when I feel like I have my head above the water. Like you said, not linear, and I know there are still bad days and weeks to come.

But today, I am happier and healthier than I have been in a long time. I don't know what tomorrow is going to look like, but I am enjoying today for the gift that it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am so happy for you. I left an emotionally and financially abusive marriage with a cheater 8 months ago. It got physical, but not in the conventional sense. He never hit me or threatened to hit me, which made seeing what was happening very hard.

We are still a long way from the divorce being final. Your post comes on a day when I feel like I have my head above the water. Like you said, not linear, and I know there are still bad days and weeks to come.

But today, I am happier and healthier than I have been in a long time. I don't know what tomorrow is going to look like, but I am enjoying today for the gift that it is.

Hi PP! Me too! Just know there is another woman out there having a similar struggle. I am rooting for you and me!

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP!

I left a husband that was not abusive, although alcoholic, and yes, life is so much better now. He has admitted to me that even though he didn't want the divorce, he is more relaxed now too. Our interactions are always civil to cordial, but then again, it's been almost 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for this, OP. I'm married to a cheating, lying, selfish, emotionally and financially abusive alcoholic and I am *exhausted.* He's out of town this week and I've had such a feeling of lightness today knowing I won't have to deal with him much over the next few days. I am currently seeking employment, which is step one for me getting out. I am inspired, thank you.

[Anonymous]

What the hell as happened to this website. Some of these responses are beyond. What are we supposed to do here? There are so many nut jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, DH here who was accused of all of this by XW and more - little of it was true. Was I a saint, not at all but she claimed she was abused by me as well. Seven years later the older kids moved in with me (rarely talk to her) and the younger ones can't wait. XW plays the victim card like Kathy Griffin and Hillary Clinton, never taken even a little blame for why the relationship failed. Always two sides to the story OP.

OP here. He admits he has done all these things. They were just my fault, you see. If I just said things differently or didn't ask him to spend time with the kids or ask him why he had condoms in his work luggage, he wouldn't have treated me that way. This is how abusers work. He is also the one who wanted all of our divorce records sealed, not me.

That being said, your XW may have had borderline personality disorder or some traits of it, which is more common in women than narcissism, which is more present than in men. Dramatic threats is kind of a hallmark of borderlines, but usually they just want you back and will do anything to get you back and then get very angry when you won't. Your story and mine are dissimilar in that I am not borderline and my allegations were true and even admitted by him, while in your case you state that the allegations were unfounded and made for some other reason. The fact that your kids seem to be wanting out of that environment appears to bear you out. So I don't think there are always two sides. I think it is possible that when you are dealing with damaged people, you have to keep reminding yourself you aren't the crazy one and the treatment you and your children receive is not right.

Now whether my XH will admit these things to his new girlfriend - I doubt it. I'm sure it is still all my fault and I am unreasonable and awful. Kind if funny since I don't get alimony or child support, which is the usual reason men complain about the ex!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the hell as happened to this website. Some of these responses are beyond. What are we supposed to do here? There are so many nut jobs.

To what/whom are you referring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the hell as happened to this website. Some of these responses are beyond. What are we supposed to do here? There are so many nut jobs.

To what/whom are you referring?

When an OP describes an abusive situation and you respond with there are two sides to every story, you are a nut job.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. That takes a tremendous amount of courage. I wish you the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the hell as happened to this website. Some of these responses are beyond. What are we supposed to do here? There are so many nut jobs.

To what/whom are you referring?

When an OP describes an abusive situation and you respond with there are two sides to every story, you are a nut job.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the hell as happened to this website. Some of these responses are beyond. What are we supposed to do here? There are so many nut jobs.

To what/whom are you referring?

When an OP describes an abusive situation and you respond with there are two sides to every story, you are a nut job.

+1.

Come on, he's not a nut job! Plenty of sane, normal dudes go around gaslighting complete strangers who tell women there's hope after abusive relationships.

[Anonymous]

Also...

-"victim card"

-randomly blaming Hillary Clinton for...something?

-calling a woman "honey" condescendingly

I think that's BINGO!

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm so glad you've taken the steps to get to where you are no longer in that abusive relationship. I'm thankful you've also made sure he doesn't rob you of the opportunities to still be a part of the kids' activities. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story and encouraging others to also have the strength to move to a better life free from abuse. Hugs from Texas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the hell as happened to this website. Some of these responses are beyond. What are we supposed to do here? There are so many nut jobs.

To what/whom are you referring?

When an OP describes an abusive situation and you respond with there are two sides to every story, you are a nut job.

+1.

+ 1,000 and I wonder about the ramifications of this in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, DH here who was accused of all of this by XW and more - little of it was true. Was I a saint, not at all but she claimed she was abused by me as well. Seven years later the older kids moved in with me (rarely talk to her) and the younger ones can't wait. XW plays the victim card like Kathy Griffin and Hillary Clinton, never taken even a little blame for why the relationship failed. Always two sides to the story OP.

She was married to a Trumpian...I do pity her.

Your anger issues are showing Newt!