To go or not to go to my former MIL's funeral?

[Anonymous]

I would probably go to the wake, offer condolences and then leave. It's less of a commitment than the actual service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a girlfriend that he is bringing, I would not go.

This

I assume she'll be going, I mean I attended his father's funeral and we had only been dating a couple of months then. It's just what you do. This is kind of where I am, I don't think he would mind me going, but I don't know her and how she would feel and I don't want to create an issue.
As much as I'd like to go I think it might be better to just send a card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a girlfriend that he is bringing, I would not go.

This

I assume she'll be going, I mean I attended his father's funeral and we had only been dating a couple of months then. It's just what you do. This is kind of where I am, I don't think he would mind me going, but I don't know her and how she would feel and I don't want to create an issue.
As much as I'd like to go I think it might be better to just send a card.

I think that you might be overthinking the girlfriend a bit. If you show up and pay your respects in a solemn and respectful way, that should be fine. That would only be a problem if his girlfriend is crazy and there is no reason to believe that she is crazy.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't think twice about it and go. It's not about you two, it's about honoring a woman's life.

You can let him know ahead of time that you're going. You don't need his permission either, since it's not about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't think twice about it and go. It's not about you two, it's about honoring a woman's life.

You can let him know ahead of time that you're going. You don't need his permission either, since it's not about him.

I wouldn't show up if I thought it would make him upset - you just don't do that. But, in this case, it sounds as though Op and her ex are still on speaking terms and the MIL meant a lot to Op, so I wouldn't assume the worst about this girlfriend and I would just go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out about this from a mutual friend.

I called my ex to offer my condolences, we talked for a bit, he thanked me for calling.

I did not ask him directly if fI should attend, at the time we spoke there was no date given, I found out about the wake and funeral from a mutual friend as well.

Ex and I don't have any animosity towards each other. I probably would have gone without thought a month or two ago, but I know he has a girlfriend now and I don't know if that would be awkward to have me there.
I've never been divorced before so I don't how this all works.

I would go.

[Anonymous]

Funeral to me means church service then to gravesite and usually a family luncheon. (What can I say, I am an Irish Catholic ).I would go to the church service and sit in the back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funeral to me means church service then to gravesite and usually a family luncheon. (What can I say, I am an Irish Catholic ).I would go to the church service and sit in the back.

I agree. Service and or wake- go. Pay your condolences. Sit in the back and take your own minute to grieve. Then leave politely so no one feels awkward if there are family events afterward. And don't worry about the girlfriend. If she's actually a keeper she will be a big enough person to understand that he had a life in the past, that adults show up at funerals, and this has nothing to do with her.

[Anonymous]

Go. This is an easy one.

[Anonymous]

Just go and stay in the background, then leave after the service. Your ex knows you had a relationship with his mother and that you are not trying to create drama. If the GF has a negative reaction then that's on her, and not your fault. It's perfectly reasonable for you to go, and it's not like you are otherwise in contact with your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funeral to me means church service then to gravesite and usually a family luncheon. (What can I say, I am an Irish Catholic ).I would go to the church service and sit in the back.

I agree. Service and or wake- go. Pay your condolences. Sit in the back and take your own minute to grieve. Then leave politely so no one feels awkward if there are family events afterward. And don't worry about the girlfriend. If she's actually a keeper she will be a big enough person to understand that he had a life in the past, that adults show up at funerals, and this has nothing to do with her.

This. But let him know ahead of time and that you're just staying for the service.that way he won't be surprised or uncomfortable if someone mentions seeing you.

[Anonymous]

11:14 again. I should clarify that I'd probably go to the wake and not the funeral itself or burial. I would see no reason to let him know beforehand. Like others have said, it's not about him. He probably has a lot going on anyway. I think if you message him about it beforehand, it almost looks like you're purposely trying to get his attention. Show up, be classy, say you're sorry, and out the door.

[Anonymous]

Do you think your MIL would have wanted you to go? If so, go. I don't know anyone who has regretted going to a funeral, but plenty of people who have regretted not going.

[Anonymous]

I would go to the service, just sit in the back and don't go up to him to chat, I can't see how it would cause any drama if you are on good terms. The wake seems more personal to me and would be more skewed if you're talking to people and the new girlfriend is mingling around with his family.

[Anonymous]

Go! You liked your MIL and there is no animosity with your ex. If his girlfriend has a problem with you showing up that's her problem. My bet is that your ex will appreciate the gesture.