Can anyone talk about a four year age gap between children?

[Anonymous]

My kids are 3 years and 9 months apart. So far the oldest is 5 and the youngest is 22 months but they get along great. I will say it meant that I got rid of baby toys super fast, because the youngest doesn't care one lick about them. He only wants to play with transformers.

The youngest is 100% obsessed with my oldest. They have a blast together. Sometimes the eldest gets annoyed when he wants to play legos and the youngest doesn't have the skills yet, but then the next moment I will see them building a fort and laughing until they get tears in their eyes. It is the best.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 5 years apart, girl and boy. They've been close all the way through, and they are now teenagers! Just do what's right for your family.

[Anonymous]

You might not be able to get pregnant if you wait. I was still young, but it just didn't happen for us. I feel like I shouldn't have waited for the right time for the next one.

[Anonymous]

They can absolutely be close but it will be a different sort of relationship between a 1 year old and a 5 year old VS a 1 year old and a 3.5 year old. Or an 8 and 12 year old VS an 8 or 10 year old.

But, as mentioned before, a lot has to do with personalities. Simply having them closer together does not mean that they would necessarily get along or entertain each other...and having them spaced further apart doesn't mean that they won't be compatible.

[Anonymous]

There's 4 years on each side between me and both of my siblings. None of us are close and we all have a generally poor opinion of it. My sister and I purposely had our children close together to avoid this. My brother will probably never have children anyway.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 4.75 years apart. Like a previous poster it was great because she simply didn't need constant and immediate assistance and was completely able to understand that I needed to do something for the baby and she was content t watch a show or run around helping me.

We purposefully had them far apart for many reasons, not the least of which was my first was a trying baby -colic, reflux, no more than 2 hours of sleep at a time until 11 months, etc. I had to be in a place where I knew I could handle that again if the second was the same way and it took me a while to get there.

Now, like another PP, there's a 5 year gap between me and my brother. We were never close, because like the PP we were never at the same stage of life. I was in Kindergarten and he was an infant. I was 13 and into music and hanging out with friends and he was 8 and playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And then personalities. I'm an unathletic nerdy bookworm, he's an athletic popular partier. Even as adults we just don't see eye to eye. I think he's an irresponsible jerk who treats our aging parents like crap and he thinks I'm a controlling know it all. There's nothing our parents could have done to bridge the personality gap, but I don't think that's unique to the age gap. Having siblings does not ensure you have a friend and ally for life.

I also find it difficult in other ways, as I know my parents did, evidenced by say my dad taking me to Disney at 6 while my mom stayed home with my infant brother. We're finding ourselves similarly situated in that the interests of a sub 2 year old versus an almost 7 year old do not coincide and being back in the world of naps with the little one is limiting for the older one. I also personally don't like crossing time zones with still napping children (having done it 2x with the first one and both times being a disaster not to mention the gear for a little one is overwhelming) so that's limiting given our family lives in CA. So I'm sending my husband and the oldest this summer while I stay home with the youngest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. DD and DS are 5 years apart and very close. It has everything to do with personality and your family lifestyle (whether you do everything together and how parents guide the sibling relationship), not with the age gap.

I'm the above poster and find it very interesting to read others' personal experiences, since I'm an only child.

I suppose it's difficult to bring together very different personalities, but that can happen with children close in age too. At least parents can consciously do things as a family instead of increasing the gap. My second came to all my oldest's rehearsals and practices even as a baby (I was all ready to bolt if she became loud), and my oldest now goes to my youngest's concerts. We always do trips together, even if one kid is a little too old or too young, they always end up enjoying the outing. For example, DS wanted to go to the Spy museum when DD was 4 and couldn't read the exhibit texts. We stayed there for 3 hours because DD demanded that my husband read to her and explain nearly every artifact within her line of vision. And we lost DS for an hour because he was so absorbed that he didn't notice we had moved on. Same for Mount Vernon, or any travel, big or small, that we've done. Even when you're worried one of them is going to get bored, everyone finds something interesting. It's a sharing state of mind that parents can foster so that the family stays bonded.

[Anonymous]

Like PPs said, it's about personalities and temperaments, not ages.

My sister and I are 3.5 years part (4 grades apart in school). At certain life stages we've been closer and at others less so. My kids are a little over 4 yrs apart and will also be four grades apart. I'd hoped for more like 3yrs but that's not what happened. I just wanted to not be paying for two in daycare at the same time. So far they get along well and of course sometimes they annoy each other. I predict they'll go through different periods of closeness too.

[Anonymous]

26 year old here with three siblings. One is 1 yr younger than me, one is 1 year older than me, the third is 4 years younger than me and I am closest to her by far!

[Anonymous]

I'm 4 years older than my brother and 8 years older than my sister. I am and have mostly always been very close to both of them. My brother was the kind of little brother who was happy to be dressed up in ridiculous clothing by his older sister, and my sister was basically a doll for me. As we have grown up, the 4-year split was helpful because due to the timing of birthdays, we were mostly not in the same school at the same time (my brother and I were for a year, and he and my sister were for a year). We didn't share friends or clothes or activities.

[Anonymous]

As a parent it would be great, but as the oldest of 4 with 4 and 6 age gaps between each, it sucked big time.
I had NOTHING in common with any of my siblings and family activities sucked. I was 16, my sisters were 10, 6 and 2. I got stuck at some many kiddie things and stuck babysitting all the time (unpaid). I believe kids should help out and help younger siblings but it totally sucked and my mom never got why i ended up resenting my siblings. it was like i was an only child with these 3 random kids living with us. I am sure my parents could have done a lot different looking back but at the time they loved us all which counts, i just know it was horrible. none of my siblings are close to each other. We never played together really, had such different interests and were at different stages. now that we are a bit older we get along, but i wouldn't call any my friends or seek to talk to them and we all feel the same.
Love each other but none of us hang out or really like each other.

[Anonymous]

More anecdata: my DH is much closer with his sister who is 8 years older than his sister who is 4 years older. Another good friend of mine is pretty close with her sister who is 6 years younger. I'm close with my brother as an adult (2.5 year difference) but growing up we went through phases of avoiding each other. It is entirely personality and family-dynamic driven IMO, nothing to do with their ages while they are still young. Also, I definitely agree with you not wanting to add the stress of pregnancy to your life right now!

[Anonymous]

I'm the oldest of three and all of us were 4 years apart.

I'm extremely close to my sister, who is 8+ years younger than me. We have a brother in the middle and we're not as close w/ him but that's more a geography/gender issue - not an issue of age.

It was a non-issue when we were growing up and it really helped my parents manage college costs (which is why they intentionally spaced it out that way.)

[Anonymous]

I have two boys (4&8) and they are very close and have been to date. We did this purposely bc I fought with my younger (by 2.5yrs) brother until our late 20s. I think a lot of this comes down to personalities and families, but I have been very happy with our decision.

[Anonymous]

I have three sons who are 3 years and 7 months apart. They're pretty close. In contrast, my DH is 13 months younger than his brother and they aren't close at all.