Confronting a cheater: in person or e-mail?

[Anonymous]

In person. But not with the aim to work things out.

[Anonymous]

Confronting someone via email can be saved and used as evidence against you when they file criminal charges for harassment or stalking.

[Anonymous]

Not worth it. Just break up with him if he's a perverted cheater. "It's over; you are a perverted cheater".

[Anonymous]

You've wasted 5 years on a cheater???

OP immediately break up and get away. You are co-dependent and have wasted far too much time. Next time thoroughly research his morals and values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not worth it. Just break up with him if he's a perverted cheater. "It's over; you are a perverted cheater".

Video tape that please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ghost him. no need for drama or details.

This would be much harder for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ghost him. no need for drama or details.

This would be much harder for him.

OP: Do this! This will hurt him the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bothering to confront him? What do you hope to gain? Do you live together? Any kids?

No to both. As for the reason, I guess I would like to know why. Crazy, right? Once a cheater, always a cheater.

The reason he cheated is because he wanted to have sex with someone other than you. All men want this, some/many/most men give in at some point. He had a kink he wanted to scratch, so that too. There is no big reveal you will get out of this. Just end it.

[Anonymous]

Dump him, tell him why if he asks, but just move on.

[Anonymous]

I'm going through this with a friend though at this point we don't know if he is cheating.

In this case...I would get photos etc. or proof and leave it for him AFTER you move on. Never say anything.

[Anonymous]

So, what did you do, OP?

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter how why etc.
He cheated.
You guys are just done.
Time to mourn and move on.
Find a good therapist, join a gym, volunteer at food kitchens, keep so busy you just are exhausted and fall asleep at night.

[Anonymous]

Why bother confronting? Just leave and don't bother speaking to him again. There are plenty of other people out there. He's not worth your time, and you don't want to look like you are hurt or desperate for answers. At least have some pride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boyfriend of 5+ years cheated, swore he wouldn't again, now I have evidence that he is looking to indulge a particular fetish (which I know about and offered to share with him; he seems reluctant). Those of you who have confronted a cheater, do you think you would get more truth by surprising him with it in person or springing it on him in an e-mail?

My thinking about the e-mail route is that it might be more likely to result in a confession, rather than an in-person knee-jerk denial. But then again it would also give him time to get his story straight. Anyway, experience tales welcome.

I never understand why women are so compelled to know WHY.
He's cheating. Dump him. Move on.
What is the appeal of conducting a full investigation?
Why do women have this sense of obligation to get to the bottom of a man's infidelity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boyfriend of 5+ years cheated, swore he wouldn't again, now I have evidence that he is looking to indulge a particular fetish (which I know about and offered to share with him; he seems reluctant). Those of you who have confronted a cheater, do you think you would get more truth by surprising him with it in person or springing it on him in an e-mail?

My thinking about the e-mail route is that it might be more likely to result in a confession, rather than an in-person knee-jerk denial. But then again it would also give him time to get his story straight. Anyway, experience tales welcome.

I never understand why women are so compelled to know WHY.
He's cheating. Dump him. Move on.
What is the appeal of conducting a full investigation?
Why do women have this sense of obligation to get to the bottom of a man's infidelity?

Closure?