HFA/ autism 17 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP.
He knows he has adhd. He knows the one psychologist thought he has social anxiety which ds disagreed with.
He has never been formally diagnosed with anxiety.
He has been doing his own laundry for years, since he was 12.
He can get himself out of bed, showered and off to school via public transportation .
Time management: he was the only student that handed in every assignment on time. That's what the teacher said. He went to a small private school.
I dont know why I worry he would be suicidal. I think the fact he tried cutting 3 years ago and the fact that overall his coping skills are poor worries me. To be honest, I have developed anxiety over the last decade. Ds seems much better over the last year. I think therapy has helped.

ADHD unto itself can have an anxiety component and sometimes a depressive component. As an adult I was diagnosed with ADHD as well as depression. My psychiatrist prescribed the anti-depressant first then the ADHD medication.

If he tried to cut himself, that may not be ADHD or ASD but something else like depression or bipolar disorder. I'm not trying to scare you or throw out diagnoses willy nilly, but from a mood stand point, he may need medication of some kind to "stabilize" his mood. All of these things can affect executive functioning: https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/executive-functioning-issues/key-executive-functioning-skills-explained

How he perceives himself may be different than how he acts with his peers. Like the kid on the playground who gets over excited and too much in other kids' faces than wonder why no one wants to play. Or the kid who stomps off in a huff when things didn't go his way and then wonder why is friend is mad. If he has a mood disorder, then medication may help him regulate. I'm assuming he's doing something like this with his therapist:
https://depts.washington.edu/hcsats/PDF/TF-%20CBT/pages/7%20Trauma%20Focused%20CBT/Cognitive%20Triangle_Worksheet_Coping_and_Processing.pdf

He sounds like a wonderful kid, and kudos to you for raising a child who sounds like he's thriving in so many ways.

Yes he is doing exactly those types of things with his psychologist. During school he takes ADHD Meds. He might have some anxiety. However, he would never want Meds for it. I can barely get him to take his ADHD Meds.
He is the type of kid who always waits for others to initiate get togethers. In fact, tonight he is meeting up with a friend from work. But I can guarantee it's the friend who initiated it.
He doesn't always make good decisions.
I did discuss depression with the psychologist when he was cutting and he didn't not think he had it. Although anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't have bipolar. My sister has that and I'm pretty familiar with it.

No one always makes good decisions. What did the psychologist say what it was when he was cutting? If not depression then what? Was it a sensory thing? OCD?

Also, many kids with ADHD or ASD or anxiety already feel very self-conscious. They don't want to feel any more different than they already do. However, taking medication is ultimately his choice. If he's able to track his mood, then he may see the necessity of taking medication whether it's for ADHD and/or anxiety. He needs to be the one reminding himself to take it. I would start transitioning to this now, especially if he has hopes to live away from home in the near future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you in the area? Sorry if I missed that.

If you are, we have a 13 year old we suspect has high-functioning autism. We also wonder how he will take the news. (We're on the waitlist for an evaluation.)

We spoke to a very well regarded psychologist in the area who has counseled many families around these issues.

He recommended Dr. David Black (endlessly recommended on this forum.) but he recommended him specifically for his skills in communicating with the boy in question about his diagnosis. He frames it well, and gets the kid on board.

Are you sure YOU are okay with the diagnosis? everything I'm reading on the topic makes it clear that it's easy to frame as a neutral, non-negative thing. I'm sure that there are ways that your son's brain works better than your average neurotypical kid's brain. A good psychologist will make sure he's well aware of his strengths as well as his challenges. You'd want him to know if he had asthma right? I don't see how this is different. It's just something neutral, the diagnosis doesn't change who he is or what he faces. It just opens the door to more tools to help him.

His IQ is 96 percentile which is good. Listen, he isn't a small child. He knows what autism is. He has known for years, he knows people with it. I can't change the way he sees it. He doesn't view it as a positive.
What tools would it open up for him at this age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP.
He knows he has adhd. He knows the one psychologist thought he has social anxiety which ds disagreed with.
He has never been formally diagnosed with anxiety.
He has been doing his own laundry for years, since he was 12.
He can get himself out of bed, showered and off to school via public transportation .
Time management: he was the only student that handed in every assignment on time. That's what the teacher said. He went to a small private school.
I dont know why I worry he would be suicidal. I think the fact he tried cutting 3 years ago and the fact that overall his coping skills are poor worries me. To be honest, I have developed anxiety over the last decade. Ds seems much better over the last year. I think therapy has helped.

ADHD unto itself can have an anxiety component and sometimes a depressive component. As an adult I was diagnosed with ADHD as well as depression. My psychiatrist prescribed the anti-depressant first then the ADHD medication.

If he tried to cut himself, that may not be ADHD or ASD but something else like depression or bipolar disorder. I'm not trying to scare you or throw out diagnoses willy nilly, but from a mood stand point, he may need medication of some kind to "stabilize" his mood. All of these things can affect executive functioning: https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/executive-functioning-issues/key-executive-functioning-skills-explained

How he perceives himself may be different than how he acts with his peers. Like the kid on the playground who gets over excited and too much in other kids' faces than wonder why no one wants to play. Or the kid who stomps off in a huff when things didn't go his way and then wonder why is friend is mad. If he has a mood disorder, then medication may help him regulate. I'm assuming he's doing something like this with his therapist:
https://depts.washington.edu/hcsats/PDF/TF-%20CBT/pages/7%20Trauma%20Focused%20CBT/Cognitive%20Triangle_Worksheet_Coping_and_Processing.pdf

He sounds like a wonderful kid, and kudos to you for raising a child who sounds like he's thriving in so many ways.

Yes he is doing exactly those types of things with his psychologist. During school he takes ADHD Meds. He might have some anxiety. However, he would never want Meds for it. I can barely get him to take his ADHD Meds.
He is the type of kid who always waits for others to initiate get togethers. In fact, tonight he is meeting up with a friend from work. But I can guarantee it's the friend who initiated it.
He doesn't always make good decisions.
I did discuss depression with the psychologist when he was cutting and he didn't not think he had it. Although anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't have bipolar. My sister has that and I'm pretty familiar with it.

No one always makes good decisions. What did the psychologist say what it was when he was cutting? If not depression then what? Was it a sensory thing? OCD?

Also, many kids with ADHD or ASD or anxiety already feel very self-conscious. They don't want to feel any more different than they already do. However, taking medication is ultimately his choice. If he's able to track his mood, then he may see the necessity of taking medication whether it's for ADHD and/or anxiety. He needs to be the one reminding himself to take it. I would start transitioning to this now, especially if he has hopes to live away from home in the near future.

The psychologist didn't dwell on cutting for too long because it didn't last long. 15% of teens try cutting. He said at the time that ds has low self esteem and anger issues.
He does plan to take the ADHD Meds at college because they help him ( but he hates taking them).

[Anonymous]

OP here, is there any advantage for the college to know this info?
He would qualify for any needed accommodations based on his ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes he is doing exactly those types of things with his psychologist. During school he takes ADHD Meds. He might have some anxiety. However, he would never want Meds for it. I can barely get him to take his ADHD Meds.
He is the type of kid who always waits for others to initiate get togethers. In fact, tonight he is meeting up with a friend from work. But I can guarantee it's the friend who initiated it.
He doesn't always make good decisions.
I did discuss depression with the psychologist when he was cutting and he didn't not think he had it. Although anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't have bipolar. My sister has that and I'm pretty familiar with it.

No one always makes good decisions. What did the psychologist say what it was when he was cutting? If not depression then what? Was it a sensory thing? OCD?

Also, many kids with ADHD or ASD or anxiety already feel very self-conscious. They don't want to feel any more different than they already do. However, taking medication is ultimately his choice. If he's able to track his mood, then he may see the necessity of taking medication whether it's for ADHD and/or anxiety. He needs to be the one reminding himself to take it. I would start transitioning to this now, especially if he has hopes to live away from home in the near future.

The psychologist didn't dwell on cutting for too long because it didn't last long. 15% of teens try cutting. He said at the time that ds has low self esteem and anger issues.
He does plan to take the ADHD Meds at college because they help him ( but he hates taking them).

I have a bit of a problem with your psychologist's attitude. By the same logic, you could say that X% of teens attempt suicide and the ones really committed keep trying. Even if he no longer does this, it may not have changed why he did this--self esteem and anger issues. Yes, teens have self esteem and anger issues. It's not easy being a teen. So he tried cutting as a way to deal with it. That doesn't take away why he has these issues or eliminate what he might try next to self medicate--drugs, alcohol?

It doesn't surprise me that your kid would have the attitude that ADHD is one thing but autism or anxiety is completely different as though it's a moral failing or makes him less of a person. Many people have this perception and there's a lot of prejudice everywhere toward people on the spectrum or with mental illness. (If your sister is bipolar, I wouldn't discount the possibility of their be a hereditary predisposition for a mood disorder.)

You can't control another person. Telling him it's okay to have autism or anxiety if that is in fact what he has isn't going to change his attitude toward it over night. Getting a diagnosis and properly medicated can be life changing for people. I think you need to be asking some questions of him--is he happy? Does he continually feel like a square peg in a round hole and not know why? Does he want to do an assessment to maybe find out why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes he is doing exactly those types of things with his psychologist. During school he takes ADHD Meds. He might have some anxiety. However, he would never want Meds for it. I can barely get him to take his ADHD Meds.
He is the type of kid who always waits for others to initiate get togethers. In fact, tonight he is meeting up with a friend from work. But I can guarantee it's the friend who initiated it.
He doesn't always make good decisions.
I did discuss depression with the psychologist when he was cutting and he didn't not think he had it. Although anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't have bipolar. My sister has that and I'm pretty familiar with it.

No one always makes good decisions. What did the psychologist say what it was when he was cutting? If not depression then what? Was it a sensory thing? OCD?

Also, many kids with ADHD or ASD or anxiety already feel very self-conscious. They don't want to feel any more different than they already do. However, taking medication is ultimately his choice. If he's able to track his mood, then he may see the necessity of taking medication whether it's for ADHD and/or anxiety. He needs to be the one reminding himself to take it. I would start transitioning to this now, especially if he has hopes to live away from home in the near future.

The psychologist didn't dwell on cutting for too long because it didn't last long. 15% of teens try cutting. He said at the time that ds has low self esteem and anger issues.
He does plan to take the ADHD Meds at college because they help him ( but he hates taking them).

I have a bit of a problem with your psychologist's attitude. By the same logic, you could say that X% of teens attempt suicide and the ones really committed keep trying. Even if he no longer does this, it may not have changed why he did this--self esteem and anger issues. Yes, teens have self esteem and anger issues. It's not easy being a teen. So he tried cutting as a way to deal with it. That doesn't take away why he has these issues or eliminate what he might try next to self medicate--drugs, alcohol?

It doesn't surprise me that your kid would have the attitude that ADHD is one thing but autism or anxiety is completely different as though it's a moral failing or makes him less of a person. Many people have this perception and there's a lot of prejudice everywhere toward people on the spectrum or with mental illness. (If your sister is bipolar, I wouldn't discount the possibility of their be a hereditary predisposition for a mood disorder.)

You can't control another person. Telling him it's okay to have autism or anxiety if that is in fact what he has isn't going to change his attitude toward it over night. Getting a diagnosis and properly medicated can be life changing for people. I think you need to be asking some questions of him--is he happy? Does he continually feel like a square peg in a round hole and not know why? Does he want to do an assessment to maybe find out why?

That's why the psychologist didn't dwell on the cutting but more the underlying issues that caused it.
You can't medicate for autism. He is medicated for ADHD. He had no other diagnosis to medicate for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you in the area? Sorry if I missed that.

If you are, we have a 13 year old we suspect has high-functioning autism. We also wonder how he will take the news. (We're on the waitlist for an evaluation.)

We spoke to a very well regarded psychologist in the area who has counseled many families around these issues.

He recommended Dr. David Black (endlessly recommended on this forum.) but he recommended him specifically for his skills in communicating with the boy in question about his diagnosis. He frames it well, and gets the kid on board.

Are you sure YOU are okay with the diagnosis? everything I'm reading on the topic makes it clear that it's easy to frame as a neutral, non-negative thing. I'm sure that there are ways that your son's brain works better than your average neurotypical kid's brain. A good psychologist will make sure he's well aware of his strengths as well as his challenges. You'd want him to know if he had asthma right? I don't see how this is different. It's just something neutral, the diagnosis doesn't change who he is or what he faces. It just opens the door to more tools to help him.

His IQ is 96 percentile which is good. Listen, he isn't a small child. He knows what autism is. He has known for years, he knows people with it. I can't change the way he sees it. He doesn't view it as a positive.
What tools would it open up for him at this age?

OP, why is it so important to you to label your child? I have a child who I suspect had a spectrum disorder, but I assiduously avoided getting any diagnosis other than an LD, which she has since "outgrown" after years of targeted therapies. She's 21 now, and while I'd say she's somewhat socially shy and a bit awkward, she has some friends and seems otherwise fairly typical of kids her age. If I'd labeled her "autistic" when she was younger, that would have hurt her, and there was no reason for it. She's changed a lot and doesn't seem like someone with a spectrum disorder at all now.

I would not label your son. Just don't. Keep supporting him and easing him out of the house. He may not be ready to live at college this year, but maybe next year he'll be ready. Let him take the lead, and support him.

I struggled with letting my DD go to college or forcing her to take a gap year. After listening to much advice, I let her go, but with a lot of support. She did well, and I've gradually let go of the supports as she's capable of handling things. There have been some bumps, but she's learning to be responsible for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes he is doing exactly those types of things with his psychologist. During school he takes ADHD Meds. He might have some anxiety. However, he would never want Meds for it. I can barely get him to take his ADHD Meds.
He is the type of kid who always waits for others to initiate get togethers. In fact, tonight he is meeting up with a friend from work. But I can guarantee it's the friend who initiated it.
He doesn't always make good decisions.
I did discuss depression with the psychologist when he was cutting and he didn't not think he had it. Although anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't have bipolar. My sister has that and I'm pretty familiar with it.

No one always makes good decisions. What did the psychologist say what it was when he was cutting? If not depression then what? Was it a sensory thing? OCD?

Also, many kids with ADHD or ASD or anxiety already feel very self-conscious. They don't want to feel any more different than they already do. However, taking medication is ultimately his choice. If he's able to track his mood, then he may see the necessity of taking medication whether it's for ADHD and/or anxiety. He needs to be the one reminding himself to take it. I would start transitioning to this now, especially if he has hopes to live away from home in the near future.

The psychologist didn't dwell on cutting for too long because it didn't last long. 15% of teens try cutting. He said at the time that ds has low self esteem and anger issues.
He does plan to take the ADHD Meds at college because they help him ( but he hates taking them).

I have a bit of a problem with your psychologist's attitude. By the same logic, you could say that X% of teens attempt suicide and the ones really committed keep trying. Even if he no longer does this, it may not have changed why he did this--self esteem and anger issues. Yes, teens have self esteem and anger issues. It's not easy being a teen. So he tried cutting as a way to deal with it. That doesn't take away why he has these issues or eliminate what he might try next to self medicate--drugs, alcohol?

It doesn't surprise me that your kid would have the attitude that ADHD is one thing but autism or anxiety is completely different as though it's a moral failing or makes him less of a person. Many people have this perception and there's a lot of prejudice everywhere toward people on the spectrum or with mental illness. (If your sister is bipolar, I wouldn't discount the possibility of their be a hereditary predisposition for a mood disorder.)

You can't control another person. Telling him it's okay to have autism or anxiety if that is in fact what he has isn't going to change his attitude toward it over night. Getting a diagnosis and properly medicated can be life changing for people. I think you need to be asking some questions of him--is he happy? Does he continually feel like a square peg in a round hole and not know why? Does he want to do an assessment to maybe find out why?

That's why the psychologist didn't dwell on the cutting but more the underlying issues that caused it.
You can't medicate for autism. He is medicated for ADHD. He had no other diagnosis to medicate for.

I realize that you don't medicate for autism. However, anxiety is often a co-morbid condition with autism as well as ADHD.

It sounds like the ADHD was diagnosed a while ago when he was 8. To actually determine if he has anxiety, depression, and/or autism the psychologist needs to specifically screen for it. That's where a diagnosis would come from.

At this point it sounds like your son is doing CBT and that the psychologist has formed some impressions. They may be accurate or not. There's a reason why you posted your initial questions here, and a reason that your son started seeing a therapist. Something is nagging at you and something is troubling for your son. You and your son need to decide whether or not to pursue a formal assessment.

[Anonymous]

It's not important for me to.la so.my son. It's the therapist who is pushing it. In fact I have avoided it for a long time. I have mentioned it to doctors when he was younger but if anything, I guarantee you his therapist would say I'm avoiding it. So I'm.a little surprised you think it's important to.me to diagnose him. Sometimes the therapist scares me. He said that ds could give into peer pressure more easily and find himself in trouble with girls at college. Things like that...

To the other poster, he wouldn't want a diagnosis. He also does the checklists for anxiety and depression and they talk about feeling alot. If he dies have anxiety he wouldn't want meds for it and it's really not a bad case if he has it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you in the area? Sorry if I missed that.

If you are, we have a 13 year old we suspect has high-functioning autism. We also wonder how he will take the news. (We're on the waitlist for an evaluation.)

We spoke to a very well regarded psychologist in the area who has counseled many families around these issues.

He recommended Dr. David Black (endlessly recommended on this forum.) but he recommended him specifically for his skills in communicating with the boy in question about his diagnosis. He frames it well, and gets the kid on board.

Are you sure YOU are okay with the diagnosis? everything I'm reading on the topic makes it clear that it's easy to frame as a neutral, non-negative thing. I'm sure that there are ways that your son's brain works better than your average neurotypical kid's brain. A good psychologist will make sure he's well aware of his strengths as well as his challenges. You'd want him to know if he had asthma right? I don't see how this is different. It's just something neutral, the diagnosis doesn't change who he is or what he faces. It just opens the door to more tools to help him.

His IQ is 96 percentile which is good. Listen, he isn't a small child. He knows what autism is. He has known for years, he knows people with it. I can't change the way he sees it. He doesn't view it as a positive.
What tools would it open up for him at this age?

OP, why is it so important to you to label your child? I have a child who I suspect had a spectrum disorder, but I assiduously avoided getting any diagnosis other than an LD, which she has since "outgrown" after years of targeted therapies. She's 21 now, and while I'd say she's somewhat socially shy and a bit awkward, she has some friends and seems otherwise fairly typical of kids her age. If I'd labeled her "autistic" when she was younger, that would have hurt her, and there was no reason for it. She's changed a lot and doesn't seem like someone with a spectrum disorder at all now.

I would not label your son. Just don't. Keep supporting him and easing him out of the house. He may not be ready to live at college this year, but maybe next year he'll be ready. Let him take the lead, and support him.

I struggled with letting my DD go to college or forcing her to take a gap year. After listening to much advice, I let her go, but with a lot of support. She did well, and I've gradually let go of the supports as she's capable of handling things. There have been some bumps, but she's learning to be responsible for herself.

NP here, why were you so opposed to having her labelled? Were you the OP of the thread where you daughter outgrew her autism diagnosis in college?
You think she wouldn't have Outgrow the autism if you labeled her? People don't outgrow it, do they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not important for me to.la so.my son. It's the therapist who is pushing it. In fact I have avoided it for a long time. I have mentioned it to doctors when he was younger but if anything, I guarantee you his therapist would say I'm avoiding it. So I'm.a little surprised you think it's important to.me to diagnose him. Sometimes the therapist scares me. He said that ds could give into peer pressure more easily and find himself in trouble with girls at college. Things like that...

To the other poster, he wouldn't want a diagnosis. He also does the checklists for anxiety and depression and they talk about feeling alot. If he dies have anxiety he wouldn't want meds for it and it's really not a bad case if he has it.

If your son likes this therapist and goes without a fuss to therapy, then I would explain to the therapist that you're not interested in further testing. The therapist should probably be having a conversation with your son about why he thinks testing would be helpful. If he says, no, then the therapist needs to leave it alone and stick with CBT and respect your choices.

You don't have to have any diagnosis to fall prey to peer pressure. If he thinks your son is particularly naive, then maybe role playing situations would help and/or maybe joining a social skills group and/or support group would be helpful to your son.

[Anonymous]

If you feel that the dx would hurt him more than help than there's no reason to tell him!

My own 21yo DS also has Asperger's and hates the label. He did well in college and I'd go with what your son wants and let him stay in the dorm - after all, if he needs a break he's not far from home and nothing is in stone - if need be he can always pull out and commute!

As to why now with this psychologist - more to look at, different way of looking at it, more information, etc.....