HFA/ autism 17 year old

[Anonymous]

Yes, I know that it's no longer called Aspergers.
DS Is 17.

Anyway, I need advice. BTW I don't live in the USA.
Ds was diagnosed with ADHD at 8. I suspected autism ( more Aspergers like) off and on.
I brought up the concerns to his doctors. He is followed by a developmental pediatrician for his ADHD. He did not think ds had autism. He said that even if he did, we wouldn't do any different therapies than what we were doing.
In High school he had friends at school and online but not really any friends he hung out with outside of school. He started seeing a psychologist in ninth grade related to issues with anger: breaking things and he tried cutting. This has improved. He saw that psychologist approximately 10 times. Then he started seeing a different one two years ago.

High school was not a smooth ride but he did well academically.
He has a part time job and is starting to make friends he hangs out with on weekends from his job.
This current psychologist has also seen my son for about 20 sesssions over the last two years. This psychogist has told me that he thought ds has autism. He says it would be very high functioning Aspergers. Now called autism. DS wants to live in a dorm at college. The college is 30 minutes away so he could commute there. He thought ds would make more friends living in the dorm, he was also concerned that ds would be more vulnerable to peer pressure and other things.
In light of this I am not sure if living away would be a good idea.

He had a psych ed asst in eighth grade which confirmed ADHD and stated he has social anxiety ( again I brought up concerns about Aspergers).- different psychologist from the above two.

LONG Story short: ds was never diagnosed with autism until now by this psychologist. He is seventeen. Ds doesn't know yet, he would be absolutely crushed. I know that and am concerned how well he will cope with that. He hates being different. He had a lot of trouble accepting the ADHD diagnosis when he was younger.
DO WE TELL HIM?
What benefit would there be now?
Do you think living away from home would be a good idea?
Where we live many people live at home for college, like half.

[Anonymous]

OP again, I know my son very well and I'm sure he will be devastated if we tell him. I worry he may get suicidal ( yes I may sound crazy). Maybe I need a psychologist to talk to about this.

[Anonymous]

Does he want to live in the dorms? I would absolutely follow his lead about that.

Has he actually been diagnosed with autism, not just a psychologist's musings? If he does struggle socially, he already knows that and giving it a name would allow him to have an explanation other than that he's "wrong" or "bad." Certainly his feelings about his peers and his social interactions are something he should explore with the psychologist.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people say that their DS/DD has autism based on the thoughts of a psychologist, pediatrician or psychiatrist. I think that's okay, and by the way my therapist also said that the treatment/therapy wouldn't change anyway. However, if you were going to be advocating for support services in college, then a formal assessment might help with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to live in the dorms? I would absolutely follow his lead about that.

Has he actually been diagnosed with autism, not just a psychologist's musings? If he does struggle socially, he already knows that and giving it a name would allow him to have an explanation other than that he's "wrong" or "bad." Certainly his feelings about his peers and his social interactions are something he should explore with the psychologist.

He initially did not want to live in the dorms. He decided to when the psychologist told him he would have a greater chance of making friends.
He really wants more friends.
The psychologist recently did psych ed testing so that in case ds needs accommodations at college he would have them. When I showed home old school reports, he said it confirmed it. So the assessment and reading old reports made it clear to him.
He definitely has been exploring his social issues but they have never been labelled as autism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people say that their DS/DD has autism based on the thoughts of a psychologist, pediatrician or psychiatrist. I think that's okay, and by the way my therapist also said that the treatment/therapy wouldn't change anyway. However, if you were going to be advocating for support services in college, then a formal assessment might help with that.

I guess I'm wondering what makes this psychologist correct and all the other professionals wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else? I'm really torn here.

[Anonymous]

OP,

First off, we all know what you mean when you say Aspergers from a cultural perspective. There are a couple of pieces to this pie, so from what I gather...

--Over the years, you've had concerns about your kid and that's why you pursued testing for either academic and/or social issues, e.g., not fitting in at school.

--Is he aware of his current diagnosis? Are you guys able to have discussions about his difficulties in school or socially?

--It sounds like he's socially motivated. However, so are many kids on the spectrum--they are just not able to express these desires as readily as others. ADHD and anxiety often go together with ASD too.

--Many people with ADHD and/or LDs have the same social difficulties as kids on the spectrum. They often miss social cues and they have difficulty with managing their emotions (AKA regulation) as well as can be intractable or rigid.

--My kid goes to a SN school and parents are encouraged to talk with their kids about how their brains work differently. These are small conversations over time. As kids get older, they're able to tell you about X, Y, Z and how that affected them when they were little and how certain things academically are hard.

--So if there are lingering questions, it would be probably be beneficial to do a neuropsychological evaluation by a psychologist. This is especially important if he's college bound. I don't see this as a "devastating" reveal if he in fact is on the spectrum. He probably already knows he feels different and is having difficulty connecting. Information can help him play to his strengths. Plus, there may be college level programs where you are living that can assist him with executive functioning skills regardless of the cause--from being on the spectrum and/or ADHD.

--Lastly, I think a HUGE question as to whether or not he lives on campus needs to be about daily living skills. Yes, most kids starting college don't know how to do their laundry b/c someone always did that for them. But can your kid, get himself out of bed, shower, dress, and make it to school on time most days? Does he know how to manage his time and have good work habits? At 17 if your standing over him every day hounding him to start homework, college will be challenging on more than a social level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I know my son very well and I'm sure he will be devastated if we tell him. I worry he may get suicidal ( yes I may sound crazy). Maybe I need a psychologist to talk to about this.

PP here. I just saw this. OP, don't say anything unless there is a formal diagnosis, however, this is really concerning if he would be suicidal. You would definitely need to work closely with the psychologist. Being on the spectrum might explain the intensity of his anxiety.

I find a lot of inspiration from young people like Rosie King:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ95xlZeHo8

Figuring out his diagnosis (dyspraxia), helped this young man develop an app to help parents:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnYomTJGu-w

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP.
He knows he has adhd. He knows the one psychologist thought he has social anxiety which ds disagreed with.
He has never been formally diagnosed with anxiety.
He has been doing his own laundry for years, since he was 12.
He can get himself out of bed, showered and off to school via public transportation .
Time management: he was the only student that handed in every assignment on time. That's what the teacher said. He went to a small private school.
I dont know why I worry he would be suicidal. I think the fact he tried cutting 3 years ago and the fact that overall his coping skills are poor worries me. To be honest, I have developed anxiety over the last decade. Ds seems much better over the last year. I think therapy has helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I know my son very well and I'm sure he will be devastated if we tell him. I worry he may get suicidal ( yes I may sound crazy). Maybe I need a psychologist to talk to about this.

PP here. I just saw this. OP, don't say anything unless there is a formal diagnosis, however, this is really concerning if he would be suicidal. You would definitely need to work closely with the psychologist. Being on the spectrum might explain the intensity of his anxiety.

I find a lot of inspiration from young people like Rosie King:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ95xlZeHo8

Figuring out his diagnosis (dyspraxia), helped this young man develop an app to help parents:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnYomTJGu-w

Wouldn't this qualify as a formal diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP.
He knows he has adhd. He knows the one psychologist thought he has social anxiety which ds disagreed with.
He has never been formally diagnosed with anxiety.
He has been doing his own laundry for years, since he was 12.
He can get himself out of bed, showered and off to school via public transportation .
Time management: he was the only student that handed in every assignment on time. That's what the teacher said. He went to a small private school.
I dont know why I worry he would be suicidal. I think the fact he tried cutting 3 years ago and the fact that overall his coping skills are poor worries me. To be honest, I have developed anxiety over the last decade. Ds seems much better over the last year. I think therapy has helped.

ADHD unto itself can have an anxiety component and sometimes a depressive component. As an adult I was diagnosed with ADHD as well as depression. My psychiatrist prescribed the anti-depressant first then the ADHD medication.

If he tried to cut himself, that may not be ADHD or ASD but something else like depression or bipolar disorder. I'm not trying to scare you or throw out diagnoses willy nilly, but from a mood stand point, he may need medication of some kind to "stabilize" his mood. All of these things can affect executive functioning: https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/executive-functioning-issues/key-executive-functioning-skills-explained

How he perceives himself may be different than how he acts with his peers. Like the kid on the playground who gets over excited and too much in other kids' faces than wonder why no one wants to play. Or the kid who stomps off in a huff when things didn't go his way and then wonder why is friend is mad. If he has a mood disorder, then medication may help him regulate. I'm assuming he's doing something like this with his therapist:
https://depts.washington.edu/hcsats/PDF/TF-%20CBT/pages/7%20Trauma%20Focused%20CBT/Cognitive%20Triangle_Worksheet_Coping_and_Processing.pdf

He sounds like a wonderful kid, and kudos to you for raising a child who sounds like he's thriving in so many ways.

[Anonymous]

OP, Meant to ask, can you get him a screening by a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds if necessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PP.
He knows he has adhd. He knows the one psychologist thought he has social anxiety which ds disagreed with.
He has never been formally diagnosed with anxiety.
He has been doing his own laundry for years, since he was 12.
He can get himself out of bed, showered and off to school via public transportation .
Time management: he was the only student that handed in every assignment on time. That's what the teacher said. He went to a small private school.
I dont know why I worry he would be suicidal. I think the fact he tried cutting 3 years ago and the fact that overall his coping skills are poor worries me. To be honest, I have developed anxiety over the last decade. Ds seems much better over the last year. I think therapy has helped.

ADHD unto itself can have an anxiety component and sometimes a depressive component. As an adult I was diagnosed with ADHD as well as depression. My psychiatrist prescribed the anti-depressant first then the ADHD medication.

If he tried to cut himself, that may not be ADHD or ASD but something else like depression or bipolar disorder. I'm not trying to scare you or throw out diagnoses willy nilly, but from a mood stand point, he may need medication of some kind to "stabilize" his mood. All of these things can affect executive functioning: https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/executive-functioning-issues/key-executive-functioning-skills-explained

How he perceives himself may be different than how he acts with his peers. Like the kid on the playground who gets over excited and too much in other kids' faces than wonder why no one wants to play. Or the kid who stomps off in a huff when things didn't go his way and then wonder why is friend is mad. If he has a mood disorder, then medication may help him regulate. I'm assuming he's doing something like this with his therapist:
https://depts.washington.edu/hcsats/PDF/TF-%20CBT/pages/7%20Trauma%20Focused%20CBT/Cognitive%20Triangle_Worksheet_Coping_and_Processing.pdf

He sounds like a wonderful kid, and kudos to you for raising a child who sounds like he's thriving in so many ways.

Yes he is doing exactly those types of things with his psychologist. During school he takes ADHD Meds. He might have some anxiety. However, he would never want Meds for it. I can barely get him to take his ADHD Meds.
He is the type of kid who always waits for others to initiate get togethers. In fact, tonight he is meeting up with a friend from work. But I can guarantee it's the friend who initiated it.
He doesn't always make good decisions.
I did discuss depression with the psychologist when he was cutting and he didn't not think he had it. Although anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't have bipolar. My sister has that and I'm pretty familiar with it.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you in the area? Sorry if I missed that.

If you are, we have a 13 year old we suspect has high-functioning autism. We also wonder how he will take the news. (We're on the waitlist for an evaluation.)

We spoke to a very well regarded psychologist in the area who has counseled many families around these issues.

He recommended Dr. David Black (endlessly recommended on this forum.) but he recommended him specifically for his skills in communicating with the boy in question about his diagnosis. He frames it well, and gets the kid on board.

Are you sure YOU are okay with the diagnosis? everything I'm reading on the topic makes it clear that it's easy to frame as a neutral, non-negative thing. I'm sure that there are ways that your son's brain works better than your average neurotypical kid's brain. A good psychologist will make sure he's well aware of his strengths as well as his challenges. You'd want him to know if he had asthma right? I don't see how this is different. It's just something neutral, the diagnosis doesn't change who he is or what he faces. It just opens the door to more tools to help him.