Reply to HFA/ autism 17 year old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, are you in the area? Sorry if I missed that.

If you are, we have a 13 year old we suspect has high-functioning autism. We also wonder how he will take the news. (We're on the waitlist for an evaluation.)

We spoke to a very well regarded psychologist in the area who has counseled many families around these issues.

He recommended Dr. David Black (endlessly recommended on this forum.) but he recommended him specifically for his skills in communicating with the boy in question about his diagnosis. He frames it well, and gets the kid on board.

Are you sure YOU are okay with the diagnosis? everything I'm reading on the topic makes it clear that it's easy to frame as a neutral, non-negative thing. I'm sure that there are ways that your son's brain works better than your average neurotypical kid's brain. A good psychologist will make sure he's well aware of his strengths as well as his challenges. You'd want him to know if he had asthma right? I don't see how this is different. It's just something neutral, the diagnosis doesn't change who he is or what he faces. It just opens the door to more tools to help him.[/quote]

His IQ is 96 percentile which is good. Listen, [b]he isn't a small child[/b]. He knows what autism is. He has known for years, he knows people with it. I can't change the way he sees it. He doesn't view it as a positive. 
What tools would it open up for him at this age?[/quote]

OP, why is it so important to you to label your child? I have a child who I suspect had a spectrum disorder, but I assiduously avoided getting any diagnosis other than an LD, which she has since "outgrown" after years of targeted therapies. She's 21 now, and while I'd say she's somewhat socially shy and a bit awkward, she has some friends and seems otherwise fairly typical of kids her age. If I'd labeled her "autistic" when she was younger, that would have hurt her, and there was no reason for it. She's changed a lot and doesn't seem like someone with a spectrum disorder at all now.

I would not label your son. Just don't. Keep supporting him and easing him out of the house. He may not be ready to live at college this year, but maybe next year he'll be ready. Let him take the lead, and support him.

I struggled with letting my DD go to college or forcing her to take a gap year. After listening to much advice, I let her go, but with a lot of support. She did well, and I've gradually let go of the supports as she's capable of handling things. There have been some bumps, but she's learning to be responsible for herself. [/quote]

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