Gender/non binary question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to admit it... I wasn't up to date on the non-binary culture until recently when my daughter's classmate came over to work on a project and beforehand my daughter said, "mom, just so you know, Alex is non-binary." I had to do some quick Googling even after she explained it to me and really think about what I was going to say before I said anything out loud. I did slip once with "do you guys need a snack?" and I got the Teen Eyeroll of Doom from my kid.

But now that I've learned about non-binary, I do see it more and more around me. During a college visit, many of the kids introducing themselves in the small tour group started with, "I'm Jane, I go by she/her" and "I'm Paul, they/them, please."

That's not a slip-up, and your daughter and her friend are totally obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to preface this, I'm a liberal feminist and most of my friends identify as the same. That being said, I really just don't understand this new uptick in being "non binary". I think it certainly exists, but probably not in the droves of people who are claiming it. I can't ask any of my friends about this because they would say I'm terrible for having these thoughts. I think that people should be able to decide what gender/sexuality they prefer but when people elect to be neither gender it just gets messy from a logistical standpoint and then someone is always offended. I have a friend from high school who very publicly on fb declared that she is non binary and will not be going by her "dead name" and only wants "they/them" pronouns. Okay, I can respect that. However I have other non b friends who say that it is offensive to assign them a gender or misgender them behind their back when referrring to them to other people. This is where it's weird for me. For example, when I refer to my friend when talking to my mom, I really don't want to explain the complexity of this friend's gender (or lack of) so I still refer to them as "her". Obviously I feel like a shitty person for all of this and I guess I'm also kinda confused??

Then you need new friends.

But I'm not surprised, if most of your current friends "identify" as liberal feminists. For the most part, they are a pack of fools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to preface this, I'm a liberal feminist and most of my friends identify as the same. That being said, I really just don't understand this new uptick in being "non binary". I think it certainly exists, but probably not in the droves of people who are claiming it. I can't ask any of my friends about this because they would say I'm terrible for having these thoughts. I think that people should be able to decide what gender/sexuality they prefer but when people elect to be neither gender it just gets messy from a logistical standpoint and then someone is always offended. I have a friend from high school who very publicly on fb declared that she is non binary and will not be going by her "dead name" and only wants "they/them" pronouns. Okay, I can respect that. However I have other non b friends who say that it is offensive to assign them a gender or misgender them behind their back when referrring to them to other people. This is where it's weird for me. For example, when I refer to my friend when talking to my mom, I really don't want to explain the complexity of this friend's gender (or lack of) so I still refer to them as "her". Obviously I feel like a shitty person for all of this and I guess I'm also kinda confused??

Seriously, OP, you can "respect" that kind of idiotic post on Facebook, of all places?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to preface this, I'm a liberal feminist and most of my friends identify as the same. That being said, I really just don't understand this new uptick in being "non binary". I think it certainly exists, but probably not in the droves of people who are claiming it. I can't ask any of my friends about this because they would say I'm terrible for having these thoughts. I think that people should be able to decide what gender/sexuality they prefer but when people elect to be neither gender it just gets messy from a logistical standpoint and then someone is always offended. I have a friend from high school who very publicly on fb declared that she is non binary and will not be going by her "dead name" and only wants "they/them" pronouns. Okay, I can respect that. However I have other non b friends who say that it is offensive to assign them a gender or misgender them behind their back when referrring to them to other people. This is where it's weird for me. For example, when I refer to my friend when talking to my mom, I really don't want to explain the complexity of this friend's gender (or lack of) so I still refer to them as "her". Obviously I feel like a shitty person for all of this and I guess I'm also kinda confused??

Then you need new friends.

But I'm not surprised, if most of your current friends "identify" as liberal feminists. For the most part, they are a pack of fools.

Oh come on. I'm a liberal feminist, as are most of my friends (male and female) and we welcome these kinds of questions and discussions. How else is someone supposed to learn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to preface this, I'm a liberal feminist and most of my friends identify as the same. That being said, I really just don't understand this new uptick in being "non binary". I think it certainly exists, but probably not in the droves of people who are claiming it. I can't ask any of my friends about this because they would say I'm terrible for having these thoughts. I think that people should be able to decide what gender/sexuality they prefer but when people elect to be neither gender it just gets messy from a logistical standpoint and then someone is always offended. I have a friend from high school who very publicly on fb declared that she is non binary and will not be going by her "dead name" and only wants "they/them" pronouns. Okay, I can respect that. However I have other non b friends who say that it is offensive to assign them a gender or misgender them behind their back when referrring to them to other people. This is where it's weird for me. For example, when I refer to my friend when talking to my mom, I really don't want to explain the complexity of this friend's gender (or lack of) so I still refer to them as "her". Obviously I feel like a shitty person for all of this and I guess I'm also kinda confused??

Then you need new friends.

But I'm not surprised, if most of your current friends "identify" as liberal feminists. For the most part, they are a pack of fools.

Oh come on. I'm a liberal feminist, as are most of my friends (male and female) and we welcome these kinds of questions and discussions. How else is someone supposed to learn?

Good point. But when "friends" respond to questions like OP's by saying that "she is a terrible person," one could state that they are hardly open to "learning" anything. Especially if it deals with sanity and reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to preface this, I'm a liberal feminist and most of my friends identify as the same. That being said, I really just don't understand this new uptick in being "non binary". I think it certainly exists, but probably not in the droves of people who are claiming it. I can't ask any of my friends about this because they would say I'm terrible for having these thoughts. I think that people should be able to decide what gender/sexuality they prefer but when people elect to be neither gender it just gets messy from a logistical standpoint and then someone is always offended. I have a friend from high school who very publicly on fb declared that she is non binary and will not be going by her "dead name" and only wants "they/them" pronouns. Okay, I can respect that. However I have other non b friends who say that it is offensive to assign them a gender or misgender them behind their back when referrring to them to other people. This is where it's weird for me. For example, when I refer to my friend when talking to my mom, I really don't want to explain the complexity of this friend's gender (or lack of) so I still refer to them as "her". Obviously I feel like a shitty person for all of this and I guess I'm also kinda confused??

Then you need new friends.

But I'm not surprised, if most of your current friends "identify" as liberal feminists. For the most part, they are a pack of fools.

Oh come on. I'm a liberal feminist, as are most of my friends (male and female) and we welcome these kinds of questions and discussions. How else is someone supposed to learn?

I completely disagree with the "pack of fools" PP, but you should also know that your friends are the exception. For liberal people around 35 and younger, this absolutely is a touchy topic that's often verboten unless you only parrot the party line. I'm in that demographic in a big city, and it's what I see IRL and online. Open discussion is often off limits. The only acceptable conversation is opening yourself up to be "educated" in an Orwellian manner. If you don't believe it, read the article mentioned in post 12:14- http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/05/transracialism-article-controversy.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to admit it... I wasn't up to date on the non-binary culture until recently when my daughter's classmate came over to work on a project and beforehand my daughter said, "mom, just so you know, Alex is non-binary." I had to do some quick Googling even after she explained it to me and really think about what I was going to say before I said anything out loud. I did slip once with "do you guys need a snack?" and I got the Teen Eyeroll of Doom from my kid.

But now that I've learned about non-binary, I do see it more and more around me. During a college visit, many of the kids introducing themselves in the small tour group started with, "I'm Jane, I go by she/her" and "I'm Paul, they/them, please."

Why are you letting a teenager to dictate to you how to use English language?

If your teen decides to ride in the car naked for example, will you go along with that? Just because they feel like that it doesn't mean that you have to change your language, values, manners, etc. If the teen doesn't feel comfortable when you call Alex by her or his gender, then he or she has a choice not to come to your house. I would never bend to the teens' crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to admit it... I wasn't up to date on the non-binary culture until recently when my daughter's classmate came over to work on a project and beforehand my daughter said, "mom, just so you know, Alex is non-binary." I had to do some quick Googling even after she explained it to me and really think about what I was going to say before I said anything out loud. I did slip once with "do you guys need a snack?" and I got the Teen Eyeroll of Doom from my kid.

But now that I've learned about non-binary, I do see it more and more around me. During a college visit, many of the kids introducing themselves in the small tour group started with, "I'm Jane, I go by she/her" and "I'm Paul, they/them, please."

Why are you letting a teenager to dictate to you how to use English language?

If your teen decides to ride in the car naked for example, will you go along with that? Just because they feel like that it doesn't mean that you have to change your language, values, manners, etc. If the teen doesn't feel comfortable when you call Alex by her or his gender, then he or she has a choice not to come to your house. I would never bend to the teens' crap.

+ 1,000,000

And, if on a college tour with my DC, a kid introduced him or herself and then proceeded to state preferred pronouns, it would be all I could do to keep from laughing. Or perhaps chime in from the back of the group, "please refer to me as Your Royal Highness."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to preface this, I'm a liberal feminist and most of my friends identify as the same. That being said, I really just don't understand this new uptick in being "non binary". I think it certainly exists, but probably not in the droves of people who are claiming it. I can't ask any of my friends about this because they would say I'm terrible for having these thoughts. I think that people should be able to decide what gender/sexuality they prefer but when people elect to be neither gender it just gets messy from a logistical standpoint and then someone is always offended. I have a friend from high school who very publicly on fb declared that she is non binary and will not be going by her "dead name" and only wants "they/them" pronouns. Okay, I can respect that. However I have other non b friends who say that it is offensive to assign them a gender or misgender them behind their back when referrring to them to other people. This is where it's weird for me. For example, when I refer to my friend when talking to my mom, I really don't want to explain the complexity of this friend's gender (or lack of) so I still refer to them as "her". Obviously I feel like a shitty person for all of this and I guess I'm also kinda confused??

I agree that the people you are talking about are not your friends if you don't feel free to talk about this topic with them.

You are correct that people can decide to be whatever they want to be (he, she, or neither. Or zebra, if they please). I think it is totally obnoxious of them to demand from you to call he or she them (either in their presence or behind their backs). You are who you are. Their gender/sexuality choice shall have no effect on your education, use of the language and on who you are. I would not even bother my mom with this. And the fact that you say it makes you feel like a shitty person indicates that you are not 100% comfortable with what you are trying to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to admit it... I wasn't up to date on the non-binary culture until recently when my daughter's classmate came over to work on a project and beforehand my daughter said, "mom, just so you know, Alex is non-binary." I had to do some quick Googling even after she explained it to me and really think about what I was going to say before I said anything out loud. I did slip once with "do you guys need a snack?" and I got the Teen Eyeroll of Doom from my kid.

But now that I've learned about non-binary, I do see it more and more around me. During a college visit, many of the kids introducing themselves in the small tour group started with, "I'm Jane, I go by she/her" and "I'm Paul, they/them, please."

But wait? I would refer to a group of boys or girls as "you guys". I thought that term was pretty gender neutral seeing as people don't use it to only refer to a group of men like they would with the word "gentlemen" for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to admit it... I wasn't up to date on the non-binary culture until recently when my daughter's classmate came over to work on a project and beforehand my daughter said, "mom, just so you know, Alex is non-binary." I had to do some quick Googling even after she explained it to me and really think about what I was going to say before I said anything out loud. I did slip once with "do you guys need a snack?" and I got the Teen Eyeroll of Doom from my kid.

But now that I've learned about non-binary, I do see it more and more around me. During a college visit, many of the kids introducing themselves in the small tour group started with, "I'm Jane, I go by she/her" and "I'm Paul, they/them, please."

But wait? I would refer to a group of boys or girls as "you guys". I thought that term was pretty gender neutral seeing as people don't use it to only refer to a group of men like they would with the word "gentlemen" for example.

Oh, my dear PP. How silly, how 2000's of you. Haven't you heard? These precious little snowflakes are offended by language such as this. You "guys?" That horrible woman might as well have said "you horses."

[Anonymous]

I personally identify as gender-queer, but even i didn't start identifying as that until maybe a year ago after doing a bunch of research on what the term really means. As far as pronouns go, I personally don't care. Call me him, call me her, call me them, hell you can even call me to dinner. I agree though that "it" is a bit offensive. But then again I'm super laid back so...

[Anonymous]

I've never hear of non-binary until now!

[Anonymous]

Grammar nerd weighing in to say that once some of the dictionaries got on board, I have learned to embrace the singular 'they'.

It takes practice. (But it's got an elegance that I really appreciate--especially as a parent who is driven CRAZY by all the gendering in kids books. Use "they" for that rabbit and you don't mess with the scansion of the read-aloud.)

My two cents.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. Just met a new colleague whose email signature block includes pronouns: they, them, their.

I thought it meant they had multiple personalities until someone explained it to me.

I still don't get it. The person was obviously born female, dresses very feminine, has a feminine name, etc. It was explained that they just don't want to be labeled or boxed in.

I know gay, lesbian and trans people IRL. Everyone has a preferred pronoun: he or she. Is this "they/them" thing temporary...like a transition phase?