Help me understand autism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:but there are times when he acts out. His parents don't talk about the diagnosis, or really address behavior problems. Which makes it difficult for the other kids in the group to understand why he "gets away" with things.

When kids don't accept/like something , they act out! Steve Jobs used to have tantrums in his 50s(http://www.cultofmac.com/453556/453556/ ) , It's good to be autistic if it makes a person successful like Steve jobs

[Anonymous]

I'm glad you are asking and looking for information.

Autism is a spectrum, as other posters have said. Our DS is considered high functioning. He has some qualities you would traditionally see as "autistic" and others that you don't. For example, he flaps his arms when he's excited, but he also builds and designs elaborate science projects that are high above his age and grade level (he's 5). If you don't know us, or him, you might run across him and just think he is a little different. Meanwhile we know that it was three years of speech therapy to get him to say a word and now we're in OT and behavior therapy.

I generally think kids are much more open to other children who have different types of disabilities. At school, the kids just all play together without noticing a difference.

I don't know how to explain this to other kids. I don't really discuss it with friends or neighbors who don't understand. His friends don't really notice a difference, and our friends who know, still don't quite understand what its like to be in the trenches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I'd like to understand it better too. One of the kids in our group of family friends is on the spectrum. He is in a normal classroom with no aid but has an IEP-so high functioning. For the most part, he does well when playing with other kids in our group, but there are times when he acts out. His parents don't talk about the diagnosis, or really address behavior problems. Which makes it difficult for the other kids in the group to understand why he "gets away" with things. It also makes him hard, and sometimes upsetting to be around. If you are a parent of an autistic child, how would you suggest we approach the subject with our own NT kids? Kids are all elementary school aged.

If the parents don't talk about the diagnosis then how do you know he's on the spectrum? My DC was in a speech therapy group a few years ago with six boys and it was impossible to pick out the kids who were on the spectrum. Even the SLP running the group said so. When the parents compared notes at the end the two kids everyone thought were on the spectrum were not. One had social communication disorder and another only had an expressive speech delay. The most NT appearing child was the only one with an ASD diagnosis! My own child was somewhere in the middle, appearing different enough that people wouldn't be surprised if he had a diagnosis but wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions. He has ADHD. No ASD according to neuropsych because he has no repetitive interests, behaviors and other characteristics I can't recall although he's plenty quirky.

Also how do you know the parents don't address the behavior problems? Our child with ADHD has plenty of them and he's in three different kinds of therapy for behaviors and we use positive reinforcement to help him along but also make sure there are consequences when he doesn't act appropriately. Every. Single. Time. It's exhausting. But we don't talk about any of this with our child's friend's friends and make sure not to make a spectacle of "punishing" DS in front of his friends. It really bothers me when parents come on this board and assume parents of children with special needs are not doing anything and letting their kids "get away" with everything because of their special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:but there are times when he acts out. His parents don't talk about the diagnosis, or really address behavior problems. Which makes it difficult for the other kids in the group to understand why he "gets away" with things.

When kids don't accept/like something , they act out! Steve Jobs used to have tantrums in his 50s(http://www.cultofmac.com/453556/453556/ ) , It's good to be autistic if it makes a person successful like Steve jobs

Steve Jobs acting out at 50 is different than kids on the spectrum having behavior challenges.

In this case, you probably do not know what is going on behind the scenes. IT is very hard to deal with behavior problems (I know from firsthand experience), especially when traditional behavior modifications do not work. There is most likely a lot of work being done by these people behind the scenes, and they may not be willing to offer up information for you. In this case, our school would say "Larlo is having a rough day and not making the best choices." The child isn't "getting away" with anything, he just doesn't respond to behavior modifications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I'd like to understand it better too. One of the kids in our group of family friends is on the spectrum. He is in a normal classroom with no aid but has an IEP-so high functioning. For the most part, he does well when playing with other kids in our group, but there are times when he acts out. His parents don't talk about the diagnosis, or really address behavior problems. Which makes it difficult for the other kids in the group to understand why he "gets away" with things. It also makes him hard, and sometimes upsetting to be around. If you are a parent of an autistic child, how would you suggest we approach the subject with our own NT kids? Kids are all elementary school aged.

If the parents don't talk about the diagnosis then how do you know he's on the spectrum? My DC was in a speech therapy group a few years ago with six boys and it was impossible to pick out the kids who were on the spectrum. Even the SLP running the group said so. When the parents compared notes at the end the two kids everyone thought were on the spectrum were not. One had social communication disorder and another only had an expressive speech delay. The most NT appearing child was the only one with an ASD diagnosis! My own child was somewhere in the middle, appearing different enough that people wouldn't be surprised if he had a diagnosis but wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions. He has ADHD. No ASD according to neuropsych because he has no repetitive interests, behaviors and other characteristics I can't recall although he's plenty quirky.

Also how do you know the parents don't address the behavior problems? Our child with ADHD has plenty of them and he's in three different kinds of therapy for behaviors and we use positive reinforcement to help him along but also make sure there are consequences when he doesn't act appropriately. Every. Single. Time. It's exhausting. But we don't talk about any of this with our child's friend's friends and make sure not to make a spectacle of "punishing" DS in front of his friends. It really bothers me when parents come on this board and assume parents of children with special needs are not doing anything and letting their kids "get away" with everything because of their special needs.

+1
Me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Both kids are actually 6. When he sat us down to tell us, the 8/10 is how he described it to us in laymans terms, adding the "high-functioning". Knowing what little we know, he DID seem high-functioning, until I had a talk recently with the friends mom.

Now I'm feeling for my brother and nephew. I don't know why they are hiding this from us, but that is unrelated.

Yes, I'm wondering about high-functioning, which sadly, I'm realizing my nephew isn't.

He is not lying! Your nephew really is high-functioning. From what we do know and how your brother has described him he will grow up just fine and hopefully be able to hold down a job and take care of himself. He'll be able to cross the street by himself and probably live independently. Kids who are more lower functioning may not be able to do all these things.

Since you have a family member with the condition and want to know more I would suggest you check out the movie or book "Life Animated" and the movie "Aspergers Are Us." Between the two movies you'll get a sense of the different kinds of ways it presents. IRL I do know kids with a diagnosis who are much less "different" than those on the Aspergers movie so that's something to keep in mind.

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/09/magazine/reaching-my-autistic-son-through-disney.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I'd like to understand it better too. One of the kids in our group of family friends is on the spectrum. He is in a normal classroom with no aid but has an IEP-so high functioning. For the most part, he does well when playing with other kids in our group, but there are times when he acts out. His parents don't talk about the diagnosis, or really address behavior problems. Which makes it difficult for the other kids in the group to understand why he "gets away" with things. It also makes him hard, and sometimes upsetting to be around. If you are a parent of an autistic child, how would you suggest we approach the subject with our own NT kids? Kids are all elementary school aged.

If the parents don't talk about the diagnosis then how do you know he's on the spectrum? My DC was in a speech therapy group a few years ago with six boys and it was impossible to pick out the kids who were on the spectrum. Even the SLP running the group said so. When the parents compared notes at the end the two kids everyone thought were on the spectrum were not. One had social communication disorder and another only had an expressive speech delay. The most NT appearing child was the only one with an ASD diagnosis! My own child was somewhere in the middle, appearing different enough that people wouldn't be surprised if he had a diagnosis but wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions. He has ADHD. No ASD according to neuropsych because he has no repetitive interests, behaviors and other characteristics I can't recall although he's plenty quirky.

Also how do you know the parents don't address the behavior problems? Our child with ADHD has plenty of them and he's in three different kinds of therapy for behaviors and we use positive reinforcement to help him along but also make sure there are consequences when he doesn't act appropriately. Every. Single. Time. It's exhausting. But we don't talk about any of this with our child's friend's friends and make sure not to make a spectacle of "punishing" DS in front of his friends. It really bothers me when parents come on this board and assume parents of children with special needs are not doing anything and letting their kids "get away" with everything because of their special needs.

+1
Me too.

Ignoring behavior can come across as excusing when what you're trying to do is avoid escalating behavior.

And a meltdown is a completely different beast than a temper tantrum. When my DS was 4yo and was thrashing on the ground screaming that he wants juice, he wasn't going to stop if he got juice. He's not throwing a temper tantrum because he's used to getting his way. He's having a meltdown. The way you solve a meltdown is you lower the stress ... either by getting them to switch mental gears (really, really hard) or letting it burn out.

Besides .. sometimes I think 90% of discipline in public is performed for the benefit of observers rather than the instruction of the actual child.

[Anonymous]

I get so frustrated by these types of posts. If you want to know autism, then interact with the children and families you know. Just like anyone, they are different people with different personalities, strengths, interests and yes, challenges.

Autistic people are not a list of symptoms, not a handful of deficits to be parsed with strangers on the internet. Just be careful that you are not treating these people like circus freaks, cause that's the vibe I'm getting from all this speculating about levels of functioning and comparing one against the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Steve Jobs acting out at 50 is different than kids on the spectrum having behavior challenges.

There is most likely a lot of work being done by these people behind the scenes, and they may not be willing to offer up information for you. In this case, our school would say "Larlo is having a rough day and not making the best choices." The child isn't "getting away" with anything, he just doesn't respond to behavior modifications.

I understand your pain.What I am trying to say is stay positive , keep working and we'll have a Gifted kids/adults.I personally like kids with rigid interest , that shows that they want to achieve/do something that they're really interested!

IMO - In some HFA cases it's not fair to not understand little kids , in a world where we are able to understand/accept successful autistic people like Steve Jobs!

[Anonymous]

This is a good point if you are saying what I think you are saying. I think you are saying that some of the best behavior management techniques like ignoring attention-seeking behaviors in order to extinguish them may appear to other parents who don't know any better as doing nothing.

I also know parents who judge because we use reward charts for behavior that their children would never get rewarded for like for using her words instead of falling on the floor crying.

[Anonymous]

OP,

This was a lovely short piece developed by the BBC several years ago. It gives you a good overview how kids with autism can be very different:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I'd like to understand it better too. One of the kids in our group of family friends is on the spectrum. He is in a normal classroom with no aid but has an IEP-so high functioning. For the most part, he does well when playing with other kids in our group, but there are times when he acts out. His parents don't talk about the diagnosis, or really address behavior problems. Which makes it difficult for the other kids in the group to understand why he "gets away" with things. It also makes him hard, and sometimes upsetting to be around. If you are a parent of an autistic child, how would you suggest we approach the subject with our own NT kids? Kids are all elementary school aged.

If the parents don't talk about the diagnosis then how do you know he's on the spectrum? My DC was in a speech therapy group a few years ago with six boys and it was impossible to pick out the kids who were on the spectrum. Even the SLP running the group said so. When the parents compared notes at the end the two kids everyone thought were on the spectrum were not. One had social communication disorder and another only had an expressive speech delay. The most NT appearing child was the only one with an ASD diagnosis! My own child was somewhere in the middle, appearing different enough that people wouldn't be surprised if he had a diagnosis but wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions. He has ADHD. No ASD according to neuropsych because he has no repetitive interests, behaviors and other characteristics I can't recall although he's plenty quirky.

Also how do you know the parents don't address the behavior problems? Our child with ADHD has plenty of them and he's in three different kinds of therapy for behaviors and we use positive reinforcement to help him along but also make sure there are consequences when he doesn't act appropriately. Every. Single. Time. It's exhausting. But we don't talk about any of this with our child's friend's friends and make sure not to make a spectacle of "punishing" DS in front of his friends. It really bothers me when parents come on this board and assume parents of children with special needs are not doing anything and letting their kids "get away" with everything because of their special needs.

I know because his mom mentioned it once. Our group has been friends since our children were babies and we have gone on vacation with them. I say they don't really address behavior because they don't. Not that I've witnessed anyway. Every other parent in the group addresses undesirable behavior immediately, which is why it is hard for the other kids to understand why this kid appears to get away with things, or is allowed to yell and scream in people's faces with no immediate consequence. Everyone knows immediate consequences are most effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get so frustrated by these types of posts. If you want to know autism, then interact with the children and families you know. Just like anyone, they are different people with different personalities, strengths, interests and yes, challenges.

Autistic people are not a list of symptoms, not a handful of deficits to be parsed with strangers on the internet. Just be careful that you are not treating these people like circus freaks, cause that's the vibe I'm getting from all this speculating about levels of functioning and comparing one against the other.

This is interesting, because I'm the opposite. I'm more frustrated if - like you say- people treat my daughter like she's a circus freak. I'd rather them come to the internet first to try to work out their questions in advance rather than using her as a guinea pig. [insert shrug emoji if it existed.]

She's just asking because she doesn't know, PP. She's not trying to upset anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I'd like to understand it better too. One of the kids in our group of family friends is on the spectrum. He is in a normal classroom with no aid but has an IEP-so high functioning. For the most part, he does well when playing with other kids in our group, but there are times when he acts out. His parents don't talk about the diagnosis, or really address behavior problems. Which makes it difficult for the other kids in the group to understand why he "gets away" with things. It also makes him hard, and sometimes upsetting to be around. If you are a parent of an autistic child, how would you suggest we approach the subject with our own NT kids? Kids are all elementary school aged.

If the parents don't talk about the diagnosis then how do you know he's on the spectrum? My DC was in a speech therapy group a few years ago with six boys and it was impossible to pick out the kids who were on the spectrum. Even the SLP running the group said so. When the parents compared notes at the end the two kids everyone thought were on the spectrum were not. One had social communication disorder and another only had an expressive speech delay. The most NT appearing child was the only one with an ASD diagnosis! My own child was somewhere in the middle, appearing different enough that people wouldn't be surprised if he had a diagnosis but wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions. He has ADHD. No ASD according to neuropsych because he has no repetitive interests, behaviors and other characteristics I can't recall although he's plenty quirky.

Also how do you know the parents don't address the behavior problems? Our child with ADHD has plenty of them and he's in three different kinds of therapy for behaviors and we use positive reinforcement to help him along but also make sure there are consequences when he doesn't act appropriately. Every. Single. Time. It's exhausting. But we don't talk about any of this with our child's friend's friends and make sure not to make a spectacle of "punishing" DS in front of his friends. It really bothers me when parents come on this board and assume parents of children with special needs are not doing anything and letting their kids "get away" with everything because of their special needs.

I know because his mom mentioned it once. Our group has been friends since our children were babies and we have gone on vacation with them. I say they don't really address behavior because they don't. Not that I've witnessed anyway. Every other parent in the group addresses undesirable behavior immediately, which is why it is hard for the other kids to understand why this kid appears to get away with things, or is allowed to yell and scream in people's faces with no immediate consequence. Everyone knows immediate consequences are most effective.

The mom told you that she "never" addresses behavior problems? I find that extremely unlikely. Please, if you can't be a supportive friend, MYOB. What "everyone knows" works with NT kids might not work with SN kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Both kids are actually 6. When he sat us down to tell us, the 8/10 is how he described it to us in laymans terms, adding the "high-functioning". Knowing what little we know, he DID seem high-functioning, until I had a talk recently with the friends mom.

Now I'm feeling for my brother and nephew. I don't know why they are hiding this from us, but that is unrelated.

Yes, I'm wondering about high-functioning, which sadly, I'm realizing my nephew isn't.

He is not lying! Your nephew really is high-functioning. From what we do know and how your brother has described him he will grow up just fine and hopefully be able to hold down a job and take care of himself. He'll be able to cross the street by himself and probably live independently. Kids who are more lower functioning may not be able to do all these things.

Since you have a family member with the condition and want to know more I would suggest you check out the movie or book "Life Animated" and the movie "Aspergers Are Us." Between the two movies you'll get a sense of the different kinds of ways it presents. IRL I do know kids with a diagnosis who are much less "different" than those on the Aspergers movie so that's something to keep in mind.

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/09/magazine/reaching-my-autistic-son-through-disney.html

How do you get this from the OP? Not toilet trained at 6 with a lot of behaviors isn't high functioning.