Would you respond (ex-friend related)

[Anonymous]

Omg. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was the reason for the change valid?

Death of loved one, trauma, etc

No - we weren't in HS, but the best way to describe it is she went from 'nerd' to 'cool' (think Mean Girls). Kind of ridiculous since we are adults, but probably the best way to describe it. She fine tuned her social presence and got better style - ditched her friends when convenient and would flat out lie to people she didn't know well or strangers to improve their view of her. One time she lied about something stupid and small to some random cab driver. I asked her why - her answer was basically because she could.

I've honestly never seen someone change so dramatically (like the core of who they are).

Sounds like that episode of The Brady Bunch where Marcia dresses up the real nerdy girl, (Molly Webber... why do I remember that??) & gets her some contacts, gives her a make over & she becomes the most popular girl (with the most giant ego).

Stupid Molly...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not over it clearly so let it go. I'm sure she has no interest in hashing out an 8 year old fight, just seeing if maybe you all had reached a life stage to naturally reconnect.

Considering she never acknowledged her behavior (to me), yeah we aren't just going to reconnect like nada happened. However, at one point she was an awesome person - she just morphed into this person that was not an awersome person.

And, before everyone jumps on me, we have a couple mutual friends that also dropped her about 6/7 years ago, for the same behavior. Sooo, it isn't just me. An acquaintance did tell me that ex-best friend admitted about five years ago she had lost like all her friends.

I'm not judging you for not wanting to reconnect or saying you have an obligation to do so. Just pointing out that someone reaching out tentatively after 8 years is likely just putting a toe in the water and uninterested in a deep dive into a old fight.

You seem SUPER defensive about the whole thing which mean imo you're still carrying around a lot of resentment and should do both of you a favor and not respond

I am not resentful, but I think the whole thing is weird. If I decide to respond, there will be a line that if she can't acknowledge past mistakes and say she is different - then, I am not interested. I don't considered what happened a fight - I one day just told her I wasn't interested in being friends with someone of her character and when she wants to treat me and our mutual friends better, then we can be friends. I haven't spent the last 8 years waiting for an apology - I have filled it with people who are awesome to be around. She is the one that reached out to me and is now stalking my social media after I didn't respond to her last message.

You sound EXTREMELY immature.
Like, I broke up with her, she didn't break up with me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh. If Shen dumped you, she's gonna need to come harder than that.

This. Been in the exact same position and told ex friend, no chance.

[Anonymous]

How do you know she's been looking around in your social media?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she's been looking around in your social media?

She started following my instragram...

[Anonymous]

I don't see the harm in being polite on social media, OP. Come on. It doesn't mean you have to physically see each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont see how responding would benefit you.

I see that even her peeking around social media has you responding as if it were a predatory act. I say let her quench her curiosity, be polite, take forever to respond to that most recent email (July), and take this as an opportunity to discover why this person continues to have so much power over you.

It doesn't benefit you to reconnect (not at all) but it does indeed benefit you to learn more about yourself. If this is what she has inspired, then it's a gift. Use it to grow and come to peace.

Wishing you the best on this journey.

[Anonymous]

No, do her a favor and leave her alone. She won't know it but she will have dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

no way in hell you need to reconnect with such person, OP. Stay away from her. People don't change.

[Anonymous]

I suspect your exfriend is experiencing more insecurity, and looking to see if she csn get some sort of twisted ego boost from you. I doubt it is regret. She is trying to see what you share with the world. IG isn't really a platform for sharing the worst.

[Anonymous]

I have had this happen...it takes a long time to get over hurt feelings and I really think you should not let her back into your life...you can be pleasant should you run into her...but you have moved on...keep doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not over it clearly so let it go. I'm sure she has no interest in hashing out an 8 year old fight, just seeing if maybe you all had reached a life stage to naturally reconnect.

Considering she never acknowledged her behavior (to me), yeah we aren't just going to reconnect like nada happened. However, at one point she was an awesome person - she just morphed into this person that was not an awersome person.

And, before everyone jumps on me, we have a couple mutual friends that also dropped her about 6/7 years ago, for the same behavior. Sooo, it isn't just me. An acquaintance did tell me that ex-best friend admitted about five years ago she had lost like all her friends.

I'm not judging you for not wanting to reconnect or saying you have an obligation to do so. Just pointing out that someone reaching out tentatively after 8 years is likely just putting a toe in the water and uninterested in a deep dive into a old fight.

You seem SUPER defensive about the whole thing which mean imo you're still carrying around a lot of resentment and should do both of you a favor and not respond

I am not resentful, but I think the whole thing is weird. If I decide to respond, there will be a line that if she can't acknowledge past mistakes and say she is different - then, I am not interested. I don't considered what happened a fight - I one day just told her I wasn't interested in being friends with someone of her character and when she wants to treat me and our mutual friends better, then we can be friends. I haven't spent the last 8 years waiting for an apology - I have filled it with people who are awesome to be around. She is the one that reached out to me and is now stalking my social media after I didn't respond to her last message.

You sound EXTREMELY immature.
Like, I broke up with her, she didn't break up with me...

Disagree with PP. It's not immature to ruminate a bit on a lost friendship when provoked, no matter the circumstances or how long it's been.

[Anonymous]

seriously, OP, let it go. You don't need to "officially" become friends and make any grand statements about how she needs to officially apologize and show or prove to you she's changed. Wow, you're high maintenance.

you can be the better person by being polite and friendly to her but internally (not announcing this) but setting your own boundaries (don't see her in person, don't talk to her, but treat her as you would any distant acquaintance - polite, friendly, but distant)

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't necessarily read too much into her interest in your social media presence. I have people with whom I've lost touch, and I'll click on their profile if they post on a friend's wall. I get curious about what people have been up to since I've seen them. (like yesterday, when I saw that someone I used to know had a baby. Which surprised me because I was under the impression she hated children.)