Would You Sever This Friendship?

[Anonymous]

I think it is lovely that you shared your Seder with your friends. I think they are being disrespectful to not respect your boundaries.

I might be frank with the wife; let her know that if her husband continues to pressure you, you won't be able to see them again. Then, once last chance. Their choice on if they want to keep your friendship or if they want to risk that on the off-chance that nagging you about Christianity will convert you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree I don't know why you invited prostelytizers to a religious event, it puts the topic on the menu so to speak.

I think most of this depends on how close you are with the wife, how long you've been friends, if she does this when its just the two of you. If the answers there are not very, not very long and yes then definitely sever. If you can't hang out with her without her husband than yes. If she's otherwise normal and this only comes up when the husband is around I might relegate her to acquaintance.

I didn't understand the degree to which they are prostelytizers. (I suppose I was naïve....)

But to answer your unstated question, when I first met her she seemed pretty normal. Recently, though, she started taking bible classes and it's getting worse. I think that's why I didn't realize how evangelical they were. If I had met them and they were like this initially, I wouldn't have pursued a friendship. But it sort of snuck up on me, and I didn't realize how bad until Monday night. (Sort of like frog and the boiling water.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is lovely that you shared your Seder with your friends. I think they are being disrespectful to not respect your boundaries.

I might be frank with the wife; let her know that if her husband continues to pressure you, you won't be able to see them again. Then, once last chance. Their choice on if they want to keep your friendship or if they want to risk that on the off-chance that nagging you about Christianity will convert you.

Thank you. Excellent advice. I shared my feelings with the wife on the phone this morning (although I was uncomfortable criticizing her husband to her face), and now....it's up to her. One more inappropriate comment - or even hint - about heaven and Jesus, and I'm ending the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Lol. This sounds like my mom!

1. A lot of evangelicals think that Jews have a "special blessing" since they were originally chosen as opposed being patched into God's blessings through Jesus. Thus I actually think a lot of them would feel super special if they could covert a Jewish friend to Christianity. Is it possible that you are the only Jewish person her husband knows? That might explain why he keeps trying to bring it up.

2. I think it is easy for your friend to sweep under the rug how uncomfortable her husband makes you because in her mind he is trying to do something nice for you (I.e. Give you the opportunity to go to heaven)

3. I think the real issue aside from this super awkward interaction you had is that your friend didn't adequately respond to your feelings when you expressed how uncomfortable and upset her husbands actions made you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree I don't know why you invited prostelytizers to a religious event, it puts the topic on the menu so to speak.

I think most of this depends on how close you are with the wife, how long you've been friends, if she does this when its just the two of you. If the answers there are not very, not very long and yes then definitely sever. If you can't hang out with her without her husband than yes. If she's otherwise normal and this only comes up when the husband is around I might relegate her to acquaintance.

I didn't understand the degree to which they are prostelytizers. (I suppose I was naïve....)

But to answer your unstated question, when I first met her she seemed pretty normal. Recently, though, she started taking bible classes and it's getting worse. I think that's why I didn't realize how evangelical they were. If I had met them and they were like this initially, I wouldn't have pursued a friendship. But it sort of snuck up on me, and I didn't realize how bad until Monday night. (Sort of like frog and the boiling water.)

I would distance myself then. Be a lot less interested in the friendship. She will either get the hint and try to reengage more appropriately and you can go from there or you will both let the friendship fade.

I don't think you need to announce that you are done with her, just stop being available to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why you invited them in the first place.
But I would ditch this friendship.

Because she said that her church has a seder, and she found it interesting. I thought she was indicating that she'd enjoy experiencing a Jewish, traditional Seder. (Of course, she was free to turn the invitation down.)

Invitation to a Seder is an honor to the guests and in keeping with the tradition of inviting others into your home to share that event. It's not an attempt to proselytize. Hounding you about church is not the same thing as being invited to a Seder. And his bringing up your beliefs vs his RIGHT AFTER attending a Seder, one of the most special events on the Jewish calendar, is tacky and insensitive. If your friend doesn't get why you're upset, andcthry cant leave the religion thing alone, then is drop the friendship. They seem unable to accept you for who you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your friendship isn't the problem. Your inability to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior is the problem. Why do you hate Jesus?

I think you're probably baiting me, but I don't particularly hate Jesus. (Never met the guy, actually.) It's just that in Judaism, there is no supreme being other than G-d, and to worship any other being is antithetical to the very core of our religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why you invited them in the first place.
But I would ditch this friendship.

Because she said that her church has a seder, and she found it interesting. I thought she was indicating that she'd enjoy experiencing a Jewish, traditional Seder. (Of course, she was free to turn the invitation down.)

Invitation to a Seder is an honor to the guests and in keeping with the tradition of inviting others into your home to share that event. It's not an attempt to proselytize. Hounding you about church is not the same thing as being invited to a Seder. And his bringing up your beliefs vs his RIGHT AFTER attending a Seder, one of the most special events on the Jewish calendar, is tacky and insensitive. If your friend doesn't get why you're upset, andcthry cant leave the religion thing alone, then is drop the friendship. They seem unable to accept you for who you are.

I don't know much about the Jewish tradition and Sedar but generally OP (and anyone else reading this), I think inviting other people, PARTICULARLY very religious christians to a non-christian religious event is kind of just asking for trouble if you aren't interested in discussing theology. There's a reason people say to leave religion and politics off the table!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. This sounds like my mom!

1. A lot of evangelicals think that Jews have a "special blessing" since they were originally chosen as opposed being patched into God's blessings through Jesus. Thus I actually think a lot of them would feel super special if they could covert a Jewish friend to Christianity. Is it possible that you are the only Jewish person her husband knows? That might explain why he keeps trying to bring it up.

2. I think it is easy for your friend to sweep under the rug how uncomfortable her husband makes you because in her mind he is trying to do something nice for you (I.e. Give you the opportunity to go to heaven)

3. I think the real issue aside from this super awkward interaction you had is that your friend didn't adequately respond to your feelings when you expressed how uncomfortable and upset her husbands actions made you.

OP here. Yes, exactly (to #3.) When her response to my telling her how uncomfortable her husband made me feel (my voice was actually shaking) was "don't be so sensitive," I could feel my blood pressure rise. Complete disregard for my feelings. THAT is why I'm thinking of severing the friendship - not the husband (whom I could avoid).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your friendship isn't the problem. Your inability to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior is the problem. Why do you hate Jesus?

I think you're probably baiting me, but I don't particularly hate Jesus. (Never met the guy, actually.) It's just that in Judaism, there is no supreme being other than G-d, and to worship any other being is antithetical to the very core of our religion.

I think PP was joking. I have to say up till this post I thought you seemed pretty reasonable OP but not realizing this was a joke makes me think you might be a bit oversensitive on the religious front!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your friendship isn't the problem. Your inability to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior is the problem. Why do you hate Jesus?

I think you're probably baiting me, but I don't particularly hate Jesus. (Never met the guy, actually.) It's just that in Judaism, there is no supreme being other than G-d, and to worship any other being is antithetical to the very core of our religion.

I think PP was joking. I have to say up till this post I thought you seemed pretty reasonable OP but not realizing this was a joke makes me think you might be a bit oversensitive on the religious front!

Honestly, I think if people are dealing with something they find personally stressful, it's harder for them to be light-hearted about it. It's REGULAR sensitive, not over-sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why you invited them in the first place.
But I would ditch this friendship.

Because she said that her church has a seder, and she found it interesting. I thought she was indicating that she'd enjoy experiencing a Jewish, traditional Seder. (Of course, she was free to turn the invitation down.)

Invitation to a Seder is an honor to the guests and in keeping with the tradition of inviting others into your home to share that event. It's not an attempt to proselytize. Hounding you about church is not the same thing as being invited to a Seder. And his bringing up your beliefs vs his RIGHT AFTER attending a Seder, one of the most special events on the Jewish calendar, is tacky and insensitive. If your friend doesn't get why you're upset, andcthry cant leave the religion thing alone, then is drop the friendship. They seem unable to accept you for who you are.

OP here. Thank you. The more I think about this, the more I feel the friendship is no longer a healthy thing for me. I guess on some level, I'm looking for confirmation (from a group of Internet strangers, albeit a very intelligent group!) to do what I want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your friendship isn't the problem. Your inability to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior is the problem. Why do you hate Jesus?

I think you're probably baiting me, but I don't particularly hate Jesus. (Never met the guy, actually.) It's just that in Judaism, there is no supreme being other than G-d, and to worship any other being is antithetical to the very core of our religion.

I think PP was joking. I have to say up till this post I thought you seemed pretty reasonable OP but not realizing this was a joke makes me think you might be a bit oversensitive on the religious front!

OP here. Well, possibly I am a bit oversensitive about it AT THIS MOMENT, given what just transpired Monday night, and now again this morning.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would sever. The husband sounds insufferable, and the wife sounds like a pushover and a bad friend. I would be mortified if my husband tried to proselytize to a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why you invited them in the first place.
But I would ditch this friendship.

Because she said that her church has a seder, and she found it interesting. I thought she was indicating that she'd enjoy experiencing a Jewish, traditional Seder. (Of course, she was free to turn the invitation down.)

Invitation to a Seder is an honor to the guests and in keeping with the tradition of inviting others into your home to share that event. It's not an attempt to proselytize. Hounding you about church is not the same thing as being invited to a Seder. And his bringing up your beliefs vs his RIGHT AFTER attending a Seder, one of the most special events on the Jewish calendar, is tacky and insensitive. If your friend doesn't get why you're upset, andcthry cant leave the religion thing alone, then is drop the friendship. They seem unable to accept you for who you are.

I don't know much about the Jewish tradition and Sedar but generally OP (and anyone else reading this), I think inviting other people, PARTICULARLY very religious christians to a non-christian religious event is kind of just asking for trouble if you aren't interested in discussing theology. There's a reason people say to leave religion and politics off the table!

OP here. I never would have thought to invite her, but she seemed to make a point about how interesting she found her church's "seder," and I actually thought she was hinting. And as I said, I didn't realize just how extreme they were.