Question for secondary infertility moms - when to quit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question is for those facing secondary infertility. I don't mean to offend anyone who is struggling to conceive #1.

I have a 4.5 year old and have now been trying to conceive #2 for 18 months. I am 37 and DH is 39. I've had 2 MCs and then started seeing an RE who diagnosed me with DOR. We moved to IVF and my first egg retrieval was just cancelled due to poor response (just had one follicle developing). I am seriously struggling with whether or not to keep going or just quit while I am ahead. I am grateful to have one healthy child and am starting to question whether this is all worth it. I would like to have another child, but am not sure I have what it takes to make it happen. Maybe I just don't want it badly enough? Plus, at this point my DD is in such a great stage - independent, fun, we can stay out all day. The longer this takes, the more I question being able to go back to the baby stage again.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way if you already have one child. Thanks for sharing.

Since the IVF cycle got cancelled, will you always wonder "what if...?" if you don't at least try one? Were the shots and testing so arduous that you can't imagine repeating, or did you handle it pretty well? At 37 I would think you still have a shot. Are you at a top clinic? (Look at SART IVF success rates and compare your age range at your clinic versus one of the top ones...they can be almost double at top clinics). Are you using the recommended fertility supplements (acai, etc.) so that you're giving your cycle your best shot? I sometimes felt defeated but with time would come back to feeling like I would always wonder if I didn't try. I wish I would have known more for my first IVF cycle (go to top clinic, take the supplements) so that I hadn't wasted time and $$. Also, if you do get pregnant, do the chromosome testing (PGD is a great idea too). Egg quality can be a big issue with age (and in my case I believe was to blame for my much harder time getting pregnant in late 30s).

[Anonymous]

Maybe also consider Ivf abroad? Lots of recent posters mentioned doing ivf at top clinics in Eastern Europe for a fraction of the typical us cost.

[Anonymous]

OP, what was your dosage of injections? Did your RE go with the higher dose (i.e., anything above 300IU?) or low/moderate (i.e. 150-225?). I'd say if you only tried with higher dose, lowering your dosage may work out. Or, ever considered natural IVF?
FYI, I had my first child at age 38, now he is 4yr8months. My son was a result of 1st IVF (we have no other choice but IVF to conceive any baby), but my subsequent IVF/FET all ended in MC (did 5 fresh IVF, 3 MC, 1 MC is confirmed chromosome abnormality). I am currently 43 and have two embryos on the ice. I plan on transferring these last 2 embryos and be done with my treatment. It may be only child for us, it may be a sibling for my first born. Either way, this year is the last year that I am attempting for the 2nd child.

[Anonymous]

Hi there, OP. I think you quit when you've had enough. I was in a similar boat: easy natural pregnancy with my son, but then #2 was very hard. Even three rounds of PGS-tested donor eggs didn't work. I switched clinics to Sher in NY, and I finally got pregnant on the 4th DE try. But that was going to be the last try.

I'm really thrilled to have our daughter now. But I also think I realize now that just having my son would have been fine. It *is* harder to have a baby -- especially with an older kid in the picture -- when you are older: harder on your body, hard on your career to be out again for a while. I love her a lot, and I am glad that she and my son will have each other (as long as they don't grow up hating each other, which I will try very hard to prevent). But it would have been OK the other way -- even though I couldn't see it at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi there, OP. I think you quit when you've had enough. I was in a similar boat: easy natural pregnancy with my son, but then #2 was very hard. Even three rounds of PGS-tested donor eggs didn't work. I switched clinics to Sher in NY, and I finally got pregnant on the 4th DE try. But that was going to be the last try.

I'm really thrilled to have our daughter now. But I also think I realize now that just having my son would have been fine. It *is* harder to have a baby -- especially with an older kid in the picture -- when you are older: harder on your body, hard on your career to be out again for a while. I love her a lot, and I am glad that she and my son will have each other (as long as they don't grow up hating each other, which I will try very hard to prevent). But it would have been OK the other way -- even though I couldn't see it at the time.

Curious - where did you do PGS tested DE that didnt work, and what did Sher in NY change that you think mattered?

[Anonymous]

With DOR, I'd go see Dr Dimattina at Dominion. Look into natural cycle IVF if you are ovulating. Worked first time for me with AMH of less than .01 when I was 38.
Don't give up just yet.