Insecure woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bolt

+1 Drop her now. This stuff is pervasive and you will bear the brunt of the misery, which will only get worse the more committed you are.

[Anonymous]

I was dating someone like this. She accused me of having affairs with all my female friends. I got out just in time.

[Anonymous]

No one is perfect! Remember that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is perfect! Remember that.

No, but this is borderline psycho. I mean yes, many people feel some sort of insecurity when it comes to new relationships. But talking about it obsessively is a turnoff for both sexes.

[Anonymous]

This isn't good. It will continue. Leave her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is perfect! Remember that.

I agree, I'm far from perfect. But how much of that behavior can a person put up with?

[Anonymous]

OP do you have any experience with mental illness? I would look at the situations were she expressed insecurity objectively and ask myself if a reasonable person would/could respond the way she did. If the answer is no than you are likely dealing with some type of mental illness such as delusional disorder. Also, maybe she was cheated on or maybe she convinced herself that she was cheated on due to said delusional disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you have any experience with mental illness? I would look at the situations were she expressed insecurity objectively and ask myself if a reasonable person would/could respond the way she did. If the answer is no than you are likely dealing with some type of mental illness such as delusional disorder. Also, maybe she was cheated on or maybe she convinced herself that she was cheated on due to said delusional disorder.

I don't think she has a mental illness. I think her ex cheated on her has left her insecure and paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not ready to date, and she needs to work on herself. Do yourself and her a favor and tell her this. And then stop dating. If you really like her, check in with her in a year and see if she got some therapy.

Agree!

I will also add that I knew of a couple where the wife was so jealous that she did much the same as OP's date and even went so far as refusing to watch TV shows with beautiful women in it. I know for a fact he wasn't interested or looking but eventually he grew so tired of it he did cheat on her and left. Not for that woman, just left.

[Anonymous]

Eight months is long enough for you to be able to talk. Don't just bolt. Explain your concerns. Try to reassure her but be clear that you won't be able to handle that problem if she is unwilling to try to pull herself together. It will help her even if the relationship fails, she is too fragile to comprehend spooky unexplained break ups. No one comes perfectly packaged, and the more people get slammed in relationships the more damage you'll see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been seeing this woman for 8 months. We're divorced with young daughters. I've noticed lately she's very insecure when it comes to other women. If we're out to eat, she always accuses me of flirting with the "pretty waitress" (which I'm not) and will question if I think she's prettier than her. Last night, we met up for happy hour with some of my friends, one who is a woman that I've known practically my whole life. Today she asked me if I think she's prettier than her and I told her she's like family and I don't look at her in that way. She said but she's not family and thinks I'll dump her for my friend. She's divorced because her ex had an affair with another woman, but she has to realize all men aren't like that. It's only been 8 months and I'm wondering if I should end things if this doesn't change.

Sounds dreadful and very immature. I'd dump her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is perfect! Remember that.

No, but this is borderline psycho. I mean yes, many people feel some sort of insecurity when it comes to new relationships. But talking about it obsessively is a turnoff for both sexes.

plus, 8 months in (or 9?) isn't really a new new relationship. She shouldn't be that insecure still.

[Anonymous]

Is she open to seeing a psychiatrist? She clearly needs help and if she refuses to get it, you need to get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eight months is long enough for you to be able to talk. Don't just bolt. Explain your concerns. Try to reassure her but be clear that you won't be able to handle that problem if she is unwilling to try to pull herself together. It will help her even if the relationship fails, she is too fragile to comprehend spooky unexplained break ups. No one comes perfectly packaged, and the more people get slammed in relationships the more damage you'll see.

+1 Talk to her. Maybe she doesn't realize how much she's doing this, or how it feels to you. If you are otherwise happy with the relationship, give her a chance to work on it.

[ZachF]

She derives her sense of self-worth by her looks. She needs constant reassurance that she is attractive and, worse than that, more attractive than other women. Any other women that may cross her path, or she thinks cross your path. No matter what you tell her, or how often, it will never be enough.

Her low self-esteem is poison to any relationship you try to have with her. She will flip out and accuse you of of wanting other women, and get just as angry as if you had actually cheated. The thought of you being somewhere where there might be prettier or younger women will drive her nuts.

It's more likely that this was a big contributor to the break-up of her marriage. It's less likely that her previous relationship caused her to be this way. I'd advise you run from this one. She has serious issues that won't go away anytime soon and you will suffer the consequences if you get involved with her. She will exhaust you and you won't be able to be honest with her.

For example, try this the next time she asks for reassurance that she is indeed the prettiest of them all. Say, there are millions of women in the world and in the course of the day, I may see a hundred of them. And just as many people see me. Just as I'm certain that I'm not the best looking man any of them have seen, I'm sure you understand that their are women who are better looking than you. Younger, more fit, perfect bodies. And I see them all the time. I'm sure you see men who are a lot more attractive to you than I am or will ever be. Does it matter?

Is this something that is going to affect our relationship for all time? Can you handle the fact that there are other beautiful people in this world that I come in contact with or will you always feel the need to compare yourself, and question me about it? Can you deal with me interacting with other women in the normal course of life, like being pleasant and smiling when talking to a waitress without having some darker thoughts?

If she can't deal with knowing there are better looking women than her in your orbit but you choose to be with her and they are not a threat, then it's hopeless.