calm down about the college-admissions madness

[Anonymous]

It's only madness to the people who lived through a different process.

What it really is, is global competition, at a much milder level than what goes on in Asia.

In Japan, China, South Korea, and other Asian nations, intense competition starts for entry into middle school. There are after-school prep schools that prepare elementary school kids for the middle school entrance exam. You have to pass a test to be accepted into the best prep schools!!!

Perhaps what we should do is stop whining and feel lucky we're not at that level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's only madness to the people who lived through a different process.

What it really is, is global competition, at a much milder level than what goes on in Asia.

In Japan, China, South Korea, and other Asian nations, intense competition starts for entry into middle school. There are after-school prep schools that prepare elementary school kids for the middle school entrance exam. You have to pass a test to be accepted into the best prep schools!!!

Perhaps what we should do is stop whining and feel lucky we're not at that level.

Good point -- we can control our reaction to change.

[Anonymous]

I have said this before and people refuse to hear me.

As parents, it is your job to help prepare your kids for success. However, an equally important role is to be your kids’ sanctuary when the pressure gets too high.

I graduated from Michigan and DH graduated from Wash U. Our 2 oldest graduated from Stanford and Carnegie-Mellon. Our baby is at Michigan now. Our kids were self-motivated because of the standard we set and because they were in an environment with other college bound kids. There was a lot of inherent pressure. We did our best to actually ratchet that pressure down. We did not obsess about it and we did not hover over them about it. We were there as advisors and a resource. We also kept telling them NOT to compare themselves to friends. Achieve for your own sake and do what interests you. There are numerous paths to success. A number of our kids’ friends had parents who drove them constantly – they HAD to get into a particular school, they HAD to do this EC, they HAD to do this or do that. Those kids would come to OUR house for reassurance and positive reinforcement – and to get away from their Tiger parents. So…take it seriously. However, make sure you know when it is time to ease up and let your teen breathe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have said this before and people refuse to hear me.

As parents, it is your job to help prepare your kids for success. However, an equally important role is to be your kids’ sanctuary when the pressure gets too high.

I graduated from Michigan and DH graduated from Wash U. Our 2 oldest graduated from Stanford and Carnegie-Mellon. Our baby is at Michigan now. Our kids were self-motivated because of the standard we set and because they were in an environment with other college bound kids. There was a lot of inherent pressure. We did our best to actually ratchet that pressure down. We did not obsess about it and we did not hover over them about it. We were there as advisors and a resource. We also kept telling them NOT to compare themselves to friends. Achieve for your own sake and do what interests you. There are numerous paths to success. A number of our kids’ friends had parents who drove them constantly – they HAD to get into a particular school, they HAD to do this EC, they HAD to do this or do that. Those kids would come to OUR house for reassurance and positive reinforcement – and to get away from their Tiger parents. So…take it seriously. However, make sure you know when it is time to ease up and let your teen breathe.

Yeah, we were that house too. That said, it's still a downer to watch your kids' friends feel so bad. Even if your family is a haven, that's because the surrounding environment is so toxic. And your own kids are inevitably sucked into some of the drama/angst when everything/everyone around them (except their parents) embraces the madness. If I had to do it all over again, I'd probably avoid private school for this reason -- although I'm sure there are suburban privates that are just as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have said this before and people refuse to hear me.

As parents, it is your job to help prepare your kids for success. However, an equally important role is to be your kids’ sanctuary when the pressure gets too high.

I graduated from Michigan and DH graduated from Wash U. Our 2 oldest graduated from Stanford and Carnegie-Mellon. Our baby is at Michigan now. Our kids were self-motivated because of the standard we set and because they were in an environment with other college bound kids. There was a lot of inherent pressure. We did our best to actually ratchet that pressure down. We did not obsess about it and we did not hover over them about it. We were there as advisors and a resource. We also kept telling them NOT to compare themselves to friends. Achieve for your own sake and do what interests you. There are numerous paths to success. A number of our kids’ friends had parents who drove them constantly – they HAD to get into a particular school, they HAD to do this EC, they HAD to do this or do that. Those kids would come to OUR house for reassurance and positive reinforcement – and to get away from their Tiger parents. So…take it seriously. However, make sure you know when it is time to ease up and let your teen breathe.

Yeah, we were that house too. That said, it's still a downer to watch your kids' friends feel so bad. Even if your family is a haven, that's because the surrounding environment is so toxic. And your own kids are inevitably sucked into some of the drama/angst when everything/everyone around them (except their parents) embraces the madness. If I had to do it all over again, I'd probably avoid private school for this reason -- although I'm sure there are suburban privates that are just as bad.

PP here. It is a downer. One of our DS friends stayed with us for a few days because he had almost gone to blows with his dad about the process. Sweet hard working kid and to see him so hurt was heartbreaking - and his relationship with his dad will never be the same. In that environment, very few of these kids are slackers and they need the adults in their lives to help them keep things in perspective. Will folks love their kids less if they do not get into a certain school? Are they failures if they don't? Of course not. Well, some parents need to tell their kids that because that message sometimes gets lost.

[Anonymous]

Oops, suburban *publics* that are just as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sometimes i feel a little out place, educationally. You know, I'll be sitting at a meeting of the National Security Council and remind myself that the table is occupied by two Harvard graduates, a Yale graduate, a Stanford graduate, and one graduate of San Pecos State Teachers College." -- Lyndon Baines Johnson, 36th President of the United States

That's was 50 years ago...no more San Pecos State around that table anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The author is likely a Gen X'er...

I looked up the author: He went to elite prep school, UNC Chapel Hill on a full ride, and then got an Ivy League masters degree. He works at the NY Times, where most of his colleagues graduated from Harvard and Yale and Amherst. They all send their kids to elite colleges, too. Yeah, don't worry about college prestige, hoi polloi.

[Anonymous]

For every type A tiger parent there are 100 that don't give a shit about their kids earning As, taking hard classes, prepping for the SAT, clubs, racking up 100s of volunteer hours.

USA needs more tiger parents, not fewer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Sometimes i feel a little out place, educationally. You know, I'll be sitting at a meeting of the National Security Council and remind myself that the table is occupied by two Harvard graduates, a Yale graduate, a Stanford graduate, and one graduate of San Pecos State Teachers College." -- Lyndon Baines Johnson, 36th President of the United States

That's was 50 years ago...no more San Pecos State around that table anymore.

(Just for the sake of accuracy, it's "San Marcos", not "San Pecos". We go to the LBJ museum every time we're in Austin--I highly recommend it.)