calm down about the college-admissions madness

[Anonymous]

this is a two-year-old article, but I felt some parents here might benefit from it

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/03/15/opinion/sunday/frank-bruni-how-to-survive-the-college-admissions-madness.html

[Anonymous]

Please re-post this in the colleges and universities forum.

[Anonymous]

The author is likely a Gen X'er and I am too and from that perspective and in my own experience what he writes is absolutely correct and it used to be a narrative I strongly believed in.

Then, I watched my nieces and nephews go to college in the past few years and some graduate and I realized things have seriously changed. I have heard their own regrets and the regrets of my siblings. What they would have done more of, less of, and generally how they wish they had started planning far before junior year of high school.

Even getting into basic state schools takes so much more even right now today. My child isn't attempting college admission for years. What will it be like then?

There are state of VA schools that 20 yrs ago one could have gained admission to with maybe 0-2 extracurriculars, no sports, and a gpa in the range of 2.8 - 3.1. Those same schools today wouldn't even give a second glance to such an application.

And then there is the reality of the job market. So many more degree holders available today vs. just 20 years ago especially here in the DC area. When there are a stack of resumes to go through, of course name schools stand out. They just do. All the other schools are fine as well but when there are hundreds of resumes in a pile for a single job having something stand out is going to help.

So yeah, I now get the madness and believe it's real at least for this area.

[Anonymous]

The madness is real in every area. Don't think NOVA has the market cornered.

[Anonymous]

You keep on thinking that, OP, while I work with my kids to prepare them as they should be prepared.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, but so many people are stressing their kids out in a way that will have negative repercussions for many years to come. Often times, it's to fulfill their own unmet dreams or some other issue, like to keep up with friends.

[Anonymous]

My stress is just what PP wrote about. I worked my butt off at my private HS and graduated with a 3.3ish GPA. These days, that would end me up in community college. I have higher hopes for my child.

[Anonymous]

OP, curious about whether you've been through the college application/admissions process with your kids?

[Anonymous]

"Sometimes i feel a little out place, educationally. You know, I'll be sitting at a meeting of the National Security Council and remind myself that the table is occupied by two Harvard graduates, a Yale graduate, a Stanford graduate, and one graduate of San Pecos State Teachers College." -- Lyndon Baines Johnson, 36th President of the United States

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, but so many people are stressing their kids out in a way that will have negative repercussions for many years to come. Often times, it's to fulfill their own unmet dreams or some other issue, like to keep up with friends.

If you had gone through this process, you'd know it's not that, in the end. People who live vicariously through their kids are still at the elementary school level. Then the kid pretty much shows what he's capable of: some doors close, some stay open.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I disagree. College Admissions actually IS one of the few things that can decide the trajectory for the rest of your life. For real. You need to take it seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The author is likely a Gen X'er and I am too and from that perspective and in my own experience what he writes is absolutely correct and it used to be a narrative I strongly believed in.

Then, I watched my nieces and nephews go to college in the past few years and some graduate and I realized things have seriously changed. I have heard their own regrets and the regrets of my siblings. What they would have done more of, less of, and generally how they wish they had started planning far before junior year of high school.

Even getting into basic state schools takes so much more even right now today. My child isn't attempting college admission for years. What will it be like then?

There are state of VA schools that 20 yrs ago one could have gained admission to with maybe 0-2 extracurriculars, no sports, and a gpa in the range of 2.8 - 3.1. Those same schools today wouldn't even give a second glance to such an application.

And then there is the reality of the job market. So many more degree holders available today vs. just 20 years ago especially here in the DC area. When there are a stack of resumes to go through, of course name schools stand out. They just do. All the other schools are fine as well but when there are hundreds of resumes in a pile for a single job having something stand out is going to help.

So yeah, I now get the madness and believe it's real at least for this area.

I'm in DC and yes the madness is real and my DD a junior is in the thick of it. I didn't read the article but to help mellow things out, I rely heavily on my Gen-Xer slacker ways. I support everything she wants to do to help her get into the best school possible, we even hired a private college counselor. But I've told her, I don't really care where she goes I just want her to be in an environment that is supportive and where she can thrive and also have fun. The other day I showed her a photo of kids at a beach party at University of Miami and I was like "this look awesome" - she just rolled her eyes. Just watching the process up close reminds me of how much a slacker I was compared to these kids today.

[Anonymous]

"I realized things have seriously changed."

OK, but HOW have they changed?

One group says the change is that everyone has no room for error and has to work harder because you need a 3.7 to get into UMCP.

Another group says the change is grade inflation and a 3.7 today is the same as a 3.1 back in the day.

HS grade inflation IS REAL. Just the idea that getting less than a 50% on a test these days is hard inflates grades compared to averaging in 0's if you get everything wrong.

Looking at my kids HS work, I know the schools have removed the most difficult problems, but then the vast majority, back in the day, never got those problems correct leading to lots of grading on a curve.

So which is better, knowing that you only learned half the material but getting an A minus because you new more than everyone else OR having to stress over making a silly mistake on a test because you know 25% of the class is going to get a 100%?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I realized things have seriously changed."

OK, but HOW have they changed?

Who cares about the HOW when the result is the same -- college admissions madness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, but so many people are stressing their kids out in a way that will have negative repercussions for many years to come. Often times, it's to fulfill their own unmet dreams or some other issue, like to keep up with friends.

If you had gone through this process, you'd know it's not that, in the end. People who live vicariously through their kids are still at the elementary school level. Then the kid pretty much shows what he's capable of: some doors close, some stay open.

I've been through the process and seen plenty of other people still living vicariously and a surprising number of kids who are depressed, bordering on suicidal from dealing with the pressure of expectations. Junior year is miserable and senior year is not much better.