My child is completely resistant to working on anything at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A parent has to know how much they can push their child. I don't know how old OP's child is. That is a key bit of info.

For me, my child was spending so much time on the social challenges of school, that we HAD to work at home. No question. This allows my child to feel more confident in the class setting. But we did fun learning games. We have never done flash cards.

No one is saying you can't work on academic subjects at home, but workbooks and flashcards are pretty much the worst approach for most kids--SN or not.

However, there is an innate competitiveness in this area that makes people want their kids to be "ahead" for the sake of being ahead. Seriously, no one cares if a kid learns to read at 4. That's why you read about these morons on Gen'l Parenting doing flashcards with their toddlers.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't feel badly. It's hard. My SN kid is pretty laid back and since he was 5 (he's 9 now) has been willing to do 60-90 minutes of "work" with me for a freaking lollipop. It's not all academics but a lot of it is. My NT kid would kill or die to avoid spending 60-90 minutes doing "work" with me. Luckily, he doesn't need to.

Maybe it's just too much during the school year? Once my kid started school full time I dialed back the "work" from daily to just weekends and vacations. Because they have him for 7 hours at school. They need to figure out how to make that time meaningful. Maybe ask his teacher to pick 1 or 2 things you could focus on at home so you are not trying to do too much?

Also, flash cards were very helpful for my son and recommended by the reading specialist. I also found some iPad sight word games to mix it up a little. But all kids are different. Maybe your child's teacher or a private specialist could give you some ideas.

[Anonymous]

My 10 yo DC is the same OP. It is so hard to do homework. She is behind academically and has trouble at school getting her workplace done. We HAVE to do something at home or it will just get worse. There are lots of websites and maybe playing learning games that don't feel like learning is a way to go. Also, try to determine how your child learns best. Visually? Tactile? Auditorial? Etc. I also tell my kid that she is exercising her brain, since the word "homework" is a four letter word around here.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Kid is 7 and by flash cards I mean working on memorizing sight words because I've been told that's the only way to get the beginning ones down. I mainly wanted to hear about logistics of making time for the work and for getting the kid over whatever psychological barrier he has about doing work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no need to routinely drill your child, workbook your child, flashcard them, or "fill in the gaps" with a child who is doing well in school. I also see this attitude on DCUM and it mystifies me and speaks to parents' anxieties and helicoptering more than to any production of advantages for their children.

Plus a million.

You don't need to do workbooks or flashcards even when they are doing poorly in school. Rote memory approaches are not helpful for kids with LDs.

OP, What age is your kid? If he/she is not actually in school, go stand in the corner for a time out.

I could not disagree more, and I contend that the absence of old-fashioned memorization and intellectual rigor in modern American education is a detriment to all children. Just because children with LDs have a harder time memorizing, it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it! Methods don't cancel each other out either: you CAN do multi-sensory and rote learning during the same practice period at home! It's the best way to learn, because it includes variety, which is the secret of great learning. That way, kids will think the multi-sensory thing is the fun part (except mine, who has sensory aversions).

The sad truth is that many parents who were born here when their parents could easily attain a middle-class lifestyle with little schooling have a very skewed view of what it takes now to attain that same lifestyle (something which other developed nations knew all along, because despite being the first world, none enjoyed the economic advantages the US had after the Second World War). Don't pass on these bad habits to your kids, SN or not. Hard work and striving are now inevitable for the US to stay competitive in a global economy, so instead of whining about the effort involved, teach your kids to enjoy acquiring knowledge and to develop their learning muscle, which means learning how to learn (efficiently, without wasting time). Note that school standards are low compared to other rich countries: an A here doesn't mean an A over there. So just because our children are coasting in our area's schools doesn't mean they have acquired an acceptable level of critical thinking skills or particular mastery, especially in mathematical analysis or essay writing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Kid is 7 and by flash cards I mean working on memorizing sight words because I've been told that's the only way to get the beginning ones down. I mainly wanted to hear about logistics of making time for the work and for getting the kid over whatever psychological barrier he has about doing work.

OP, there are fun iPad apps like endless words (or something like that) and Preschool Prep Videos. Find fun ways. https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-preschool-prep-10-dvd-reading-set-basics-sight-words-phonics

For reading, the get step readers in the characters child likes - forget the boring Bob and other books. Pick books of interest.

Do basic Kumon, Brain Quest, School Zone workbooks, even the ones from the dollar tree to work on handwriting and basic math, writing, and other skills. Just start with a page, then increase to 2-3 pages at a time.

Ignore those who say it is not helpful. We found/find it very helpful. Its not fun, but its a necessary task. Ignoring it and only having work at school is not a good well rounded approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no need to routinely drill your child, workbook your child, flashcard them, or "fill in the gaps" with a child who is doing well in school. I also see this attitude on DCUM and it mystifies me and speaks to parents' anxieties and helicoptering more than to any production of advantages for their children.

Plus a million.

You don't need to do workbooks or flashcards even when they are doing poorly in school. Rote memory approaches are not helpful for kids with LDs.

OP, What age is your kid? If he/she is not actually in school, go stand in the corner for a time out.

I could not disagree more, and I contend that the absence of old-fashioned memorization and intellectual rigor in modern American education is a detriment to all children...

It's immaterial that you disagree b/c research doesn't support your opinion. Memorization also isn't the same thing as intellectual rigor.

The OP should have mentioned that she was working on sight words b/c there is no other way to approach them other than memorization. However, you can mix it up in ways to learn these other than just flash cards. Trace the words, write the words in shaving cream or finger paint. Bribe your kid to work on the words. Also, keep sessions short like 5-10 minutes.

(Also, to the PP who mentioned phonics--sight words are not related to phonics--that's why they are sight words.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Kid is 7 and by flash cards I mean working on memorizing sight words because I've been told that's the only way to get the beginning ones down. I mainly wanted to hear about logistics of making time for the work and for getting the kid over whatever psychological barrier he has about doing work.

Not sure if your kid has dyslexia, but this site has some good tips on learning sight words:
https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/dyslexia/12-tips-to-help-kids-with-dyslexia-learn-sight-words

[Anonymous]

My ADHD child was somewhat like yours. I forced the issue of practicing school work at home. That means I sat DS down and said that we are working on academics and nothing else during this period. When he drifted off topic, I would stop, tell him that he's off topic, and then begin again. When we were both frustrated, we took 10-20 min. breaks and then went back to working on academics. I often times found areas that the teacher didn't know that my child was lacking in. He wasn't getting and retaining the foundation info, so I re-enforced the academics at home. I explained the consequences of not complying and what it could mean for his future. I told him that if you don't have the foundations, then you will struggle for much longer than is really necessary. Now that my child is a little older and is more capable of working independently, I am a little more laxed in re-enforcing academics at home. The social/behavioral side of ADHD was worked on at home using apps, shows, and basic interactions with siblings. This works for us, it may not work for others.

[Anonymous]

We got the hop on mats from a lakeshore learning where you can put sight words in the pockets and hop between them. For us large muscle involvement and making it a silly game we're key.

Once my daughter got old enough to verbalized her feelings she said she got upset doing homework with me because she didn't want to disappoint me. She is severely dyslexic.

[Anonymous]

Think of some activities your son does enjoy and build the academics into that. For example, if he likes race cars or remote control cars, put the sight words out and he had to race the cars or drive them to the sight word you call out. If he is more physical, have him run or kick a ball to the sight word you call.

Basically, think of what he likes to do and try to add the learning into that activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got the hop on mats from a lakeshore learning where you can put sight words in the pockets and hop between them. For us large muscle involvement and making it a silly game we're key.

Once my daughter got old enough to verbalized her feelings she said she got upset doing homework with me because she didn't want to disappoint me. She is severely dyslexic.

Yes! Takes more work but it will pay off - he gets to do an active thing while also working on sight words. I've never heard of these, but they sound fun!

[Anonymous]

We absolutely work with our child in part because the mainstream teachers are overwhelmed with huge class sizes and the special ed teachers are not always trained in the best strategies for each learning style.

While we absolutely do fun multi-sensory stuff from making up songs to learn, to playing games and using manipulatives. We also do use flashcards for tests. There are some things that must be learned. You must know multiplication tables to be able to move forard in math. You can play all the games you want, but if they don't know it, it's a hindrance. For vocab words and science facts I do feel some things must be memorized. Yes, we have found some great games, but I cannot imagine never using flashcards to get the basics down.

Also, keep in mind people are quick to want to throw our kids into a corner. I know mainstream is right for my kid and he is performing well with supplementing at home. A friend of mine did not work with her child until the scbhool pushed for self-contained since he was not performing well on unit tests despite getting plenty of pull-out. Once they figured out strategies that work at home, he did perform better and the school backed off. Self-contained is ideal sometimes, but why not try everything else first?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We absolutely work with our child in part because the mainstream teachers are overwhelmed with huge class sizes and the special ed teachers are not always trained in the best strategies for each learning style.

While we absolutely do fun multi-sensory stuff from making up songs to learn, to playing games and using manipulatives. We also do use flashcards for tests. There are some things that must be learned. You must know multiplication tables to be able to move forard in math. You can play all the games you want, but if they don't know it, it's a hindrance. For vocab words and science facts I do feel some things must be memorized. Yes, we have found some great games, but I cannot imagine never using flashcards to get the basics down.

Also, keep in mind people are quick to want to throw our kids into a corner. I know mainstream is right for my kid and he is performing well with supplementing at home. A friend of mine did not work with her child until the scbhool pushed for self-contained since he was not performing well on unit tests despite getting plenty of pull-out. Once they figured out strategies that work at home, he did perform better and the school backed off. Self-contained is ideal sometimes, but why not try everything else first?

OP, sorry I got sidetracked and just replied to people who get in a tissy over parents helping their kids. Here is what helps our child not be resistant:

-Small increments- 10-15 minutes at first and then break. Work up to more

-Fun learning tools-games, videos, etc. I believe in flashcards as needed too, but lots of fun learning tools as well.

-Rewards-like another poster we reward with screentime and of course praise for a positive attitude. The reward is about persistence, effort and a good attitude, not whether or not the child mastered the material.

-Pep talks. remind her/him of her/his strengths and share some things you struggle with, but with persistance and hard work you can do it.

Good luck OP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Kid is 7 and by flash cards I mean working on memorizing sight words because I've been told that's the only way to get the beginning ones down. I mainly wanted to hear about logistics of making time for the work and for getting the kid over whatever psychological barrier he has about doing work.

We do it by having a routine, set time and place, kitchen table for us. My kid is 9 and he has to get homework done and practice his hobby, chess, for at least an hour before he can play video games or whatever. Works for us. No arguments because that's just the way it is. For chess, he gets a reward for every 100 points he improves in lessons using an app. Set concrete goals so that he knows what to aim for and give a prize for every goal he meets. Structure and routine is the key. Good luck!