How long do I allow 12 yo DD to mope?

[Anonymous]

Now that she's snapped out of it, I would make sure to plan something fun on the day/evening OF the sleepover to distract her, or you'll be right back to where you started.

Even if her friends don't mean to rub it in her face or make her feel badly, chances are they'll be posting videos & pictures to Musical.y & Snapchat during the party (because that's just what kids do nowadays) & when she sees that, she'll be in that very same mopey, pissy behavior... only worse.

ALL teens suffer from FOMO nowadays (Fear Of Missing Out) & we did too, I think some of us are forgetting how we felt when we missed out on something "important" as a teen... it was like the world was ending, so I can empathize with her (although I dont condone the bad behavior). The major difference between when we missed out on things & them missing out today, is that we didn't have the internet & the "fun" wasn't posted real time for all to see. If we missed out on a party when we were kids & your friends were good friends, they minimized how much fun it was. You didn't find out for yourself just how much fun it was until their parents got the film developed (which was usually weeks later, if ever at all & by then, something else was life shattering).

I'd say for you to plan a fun outing with family on the day/evening of the party, this way she won't just be moping around seeing what they are doing. Also, have her leave her phone behind at wherever you'll be staying, so she doesn't see all the fun she's missing out on (even if you go the route of "ooops leave her phone behind accidentally"). Yes, she'll still be upset & jealous of missing out, but this way if she sees it the next morning, it'll be a lot less harsh than having to wonder & imagine on all the fun that she's potentially missing out on. She could see it the next morning & think "wow, that party was really lame without me there... I was silly to get so upset about missing out on it".

When all else fails, there's always the route of Facetime/Skype. This way she can be there in spirit & won't feel like she's completely missing out.

I'm afraid to say mom, this horse will definitely be rearing it's ugly head again when the actual party happens, but you can minimize her level of "devastation"... as with ALL kids of any age, it's all about distraction, distraction, distraction.

Good luck momma!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that she's snapped out of it, I would make sure to plan something fun on the day/evening OF the sleepover to distract her, or you'll be right back to where you started.

Even if her friends don't mean to rub it in her face or make her feel badly, chances are they'll be posting videos & pictures to Musical.y & Snapchat during the party (because that's just what kids do nowadays) & when she sees that, she'll be in that very same mopey, pissy behavior... only worse.

ALL teens suffer from FOMO nowadays (Fear Of Missing Out) & we did too, I think some of us are forgetting how we felt when we missed out on something "important" as a teen... it was like the world was ending, so I can empathize with her (although I dont condone the bad behavior). The major difference between when we missed out on things & them missing out today, is that we didn't have the internet & the "fun" wasn't posted real time for all to see. If we missed out on a party when we were kids & your friends were good friends, they minimized how much fun it was. You didn't find out for yourself just how much fun it was until their parents got the film developed (which was usually weeks later, if ever at all & by then, something else was life shattering).

I'd say for you to plan a fun outing with family on the day/evening of the party, this way she won't just be moping around seeing what they are doing. Also, have her leave her phone behind at wherever you'll be staying, so she doesn't see all the fun she's missing out on (even if you go the route of "ooops leave her phone behind accidentally"). Yes, she'll still be upset & jealous of missing out, but this way if she sees it the next morning, it'll be a lot less harsh than having to wonder & imagine on all the fun that she's potentially missing out on. She could see it the next morning & think "wow, that party was really lame without me there... I was silly to get so upset about missing out on it".

When all else fails, there's always the route of Facetime/Skype. This way she can be there in spirit & won't feel like she's completely missing out.

I'm afraid to say mom, this horse will definitely be rearing it's ugly head again when the actual party happens, but you can minimize her level of "devastation"... as with ALL kids of any age, it's all about distraction, distraction, distraction.

Good luck momma!

+100, THIS!

Agree totally, couldn't have said it any better. Unfortunately the storm isn't over mom, you have one more squall you'll need to face - you just need to proactively prepare for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that she's snapped out of it, I would make sure to plan something fun on the day/evening OF the sleepover to distract her, or you'll be right back to where you started.

Even if her friends don't mean to rub it in her face or make her feel badly, chances are they'll be posting videos & pictures to Musical.y & Snapchat during the party (because that's just what kids do nowadays) & when she sees that, she'll be in that very same mopey, pissy behavior... only worse.

ALL teens suffer from FOMO nowadays (Fear Of Missing Out) & we did too, I think some of us are forgetting how we felt when we missed out on something "important" as a teen... it was like the world was ending, so I can empathize with her (although I dont condone the bad behavior). The major difference between when we missed out on things & them missing out today, is that we didn't have the internet & the "fun" wasn't posted real time for all to see. If we missed out on a party when we were kids & your friends were good friends, they minimized how much fun it was. You didn't find out for yourself just how much fun it was until their parents got the film developed (which was usually weeks later, if ever at all & by then, something else was life shattering).

I'd say for you to plan a fun outing with family on the day/evening of the party, this way she won't just be moping around seeing what they are doing. Also, have her leave her phone behind at wherever you'll be staying, so she doesn't see all the fun she's missing out on (even if you go the route of "ooops leave her phone behind accidentally"). Yes, she'll still be upset & jealous of missing out, but this way if she sees it the next morning, it'll be a lot less harsh than having to wonder & imagine on all the fun that she's potentially missing out on. She could see it the next morning & think "wow, that party was really lame without me there... I was silly to get so upset about missing out on it".

When all else fails, there's always the route of Facetime/Skype. This way she can be there in spirit & won't feel like she's completely missing out.

I'm afraid to say mom, this horse will definitely be rearing it's ugly head again when the actual party happens, but you can minimize her level of "devastation"... as with ALL kids of any age, it's all about distraction, distraction, distraction.

Good luck momma!

THIS!

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old has a broken leg, and his group of friends are all going ice skating, to the trampoline park, etc together during break without any regard to the fact that they're only doing things that he can't participate in. It's a tough age. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm happy to report she snapped out of it herself. Last night she came downstairs and gently said she was having trouble sleeping. She snuggled up to me for a bit, gave me a hug and kiss and went back to bed. Her way of saying I'm sorry for being a brat

She is 12. That is what they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that she's snapped out of it, I would make sure to plan something fun on the day/evening OF the sleepover to distract her, or you'll be right back to where you started.

Even if her friends don't mean to rub it in her face or make her feel badly, chances are they'll be posting videos & pictures to Musical.y & Snapchat during the party (because that's just what kids do nowadays) & when she sees that, she'll be in that very same mopey, pissy behavior... only worse.

ALL teens suffer from FOMO nowadays (Fear Of Missing Out) & we did too, I think some of us are forgetting how we felt when we missed out on something "important" as a teen... it was like the world was ending, so I can empathize with her (although I dont condone the bad behavior). The major difference between when we missed out on things & them missing out today, is that we didn't have the internet & the "fun" wasn't posted real time for all to see. If we missed out on a party when we were kids & your friends were good friends, they minimized how much fun it was. You didn't find out for yourself just how much fun it was until their parents got the film developed (which was usually weeks later, if ever at all & by then, something else was life shattering).

I'd say for you to plan a fun outing with family on the day/evening of the party, this way she won't just be moping around seeing what they are doing. Also, have her leave her phone behind at wherever you'll be staying, so she doesn't see all the fun she's missing out on (even if you go the route of "ooops leave her phone behind accidentally"). Yes, she'll still be upset & jealous of missing out, but this way if she sees it the next morning, it'll be a lot less harsh than having to wonder & imagine on all the fun that she's potentially missing out on. She could see it the next morning & think "wow, that party was really lame without me there... I was silly to get so upset about missing out on it".

When all else fails, there's always the route of Facetime/Skype. This way she can be there in spirit & won't feel like she's completely missing out.

I'm afraid to say mom, this horse will definitely be rearing it's ugly head again when the actual party happens, but you can minimize her level of "devastation"... as with ALL kids of any age, it's all about distraction, distraction, distraction.

Good luck momma!

This is great and all but I personally wouldn't be doing anything extra like this. Disappointment is just a part of life, no need to shield them from it. They will get over it and move in. It will be meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that she's snapped out of it, I would make sure to plan something fun on the day/evening OF the sleepover to distract her, or you'll be right back to where you started.

Even if her friends don't mean to rub it in her face or make her feel badly, chances are they'll be posting videos & pictures to Musical.y & Snapchat during the party (because that's just what kids do nowadays) & when she sees that, she'll be in that very same mopey, pissy behavior... only worse.

ALL teens suffer from FOMO nowadays (Fear Of Missing Out) & we did too, I think some of us are forgetting how we felt when we missed out on something "important" as a teen... it was like the world was ending, so I can empathize with her (although I dont condone the bad behavior). The major difference between when we missed out on things & them missing out today, is that we didn't have the internet & the "fun" wasn't posted real time for all to see. If we missed out on a party when we were kids & your friends were good friends, they minimized how much fun it was. You didn't find out for yourself just how much fun it was until their parents got the film developed (which was usually weeks later, if ever at all & by then, something else was life shattering).

I'd say for you to plan a fun outing with family on the day/evening of the party, this way she won't just be moping around seeing what they are doing. Also, have her leave her phone behind at wherever you'll be staying, so she doesn't see all the fun she's missing out on (even if you go the route of "ooops leave her phone behind accidentally"). Yes, she'll still be upset & jealous of missing out, but this way if she sees it the next morning, it'll be a lot less harsh than having to wonder & imagine on all the fun that she's potentially missing out on. She could see it the next morning & think "wow, that party was really lame without me there... I was silly to get so upset about missing out on it".

When all else fails, there's always the route of Facetime/Skype. This way she can be there in spirit & won't feel like she's completely missing out.

I'm afraid to say mom, this horse will definitely be rearing it's ugly head again when the actual party happens, but you can minimize her level of "devastation"... as with ALL kids of any age, it's all about distraction, distraction, distraction.

Good luck momma!

This is great and all but I personally wouldn't be doing anything extra like this. Disappointment is just a part of life, no need to shield them from it. They will get over it and move in. It will be meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

She's still going to be disappointed, even if get mom plans something fun like going ice skating, it's her level of disappointment that you can minimize.

I agree with the original poster of this, it doesn't have to be anything crazy, just get her out of the house that day & do something fun, you'd be surprised how easy it will be to divert & distract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just ignore it?

+1

And it's only been a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just ignore it?

+1

And it's only been a day.

Have you ever been around a mopey, grumpy tweener? It's insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just ignore it?

+1

And it's only been a day.

Have you ever been around a mopey, grumpy tweener? It's insufferable.

+100

The world is ending has new meaning to them.