How long do I allow 12 yo DD to mope?

[Anonymous]

DD is learned her BFF is having a big sleep over one of the days we will be visiting family out of town. She understandably disappointed - I know at this age missing out on anything is fate worse than death. I have been patient and understanding as she's been mopey, crabby and mean all day about it. At what point is enough? Ideas for how to get her out of this funk?

[Anonymous]

With my dd13 I would expect that she behave at least politely if she is around the family, because people deserve to be treated well and minimally subjected to unpleasantness, but if she wants to mope in her room I wouldn't insist she stop and drag herself out before she feels ready. However, I might be inclined to purposefully plan the visit to include something specific she likes and play up that aspect.

[Anonymous]

This has been going on for a day? Time's up.

"I understand how disappointed you are to miss this sleepover. You can feel sad about the situation. What you don't get to do is be rude, disrespectful and mean. I'm talking about your tone, your words and your actions. If you choose to be rude, you'll lose your phone for a day. No negotiating. If it happens again, you'll lose it another day. That's all for now."

--mom of 2 teenagers and former 6th grade teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has been going on for a day? Time's up.

"I understand how disappointed you are to miss this sleepover. You can feel sad about the situation. What you don't get to do is be rude, disrespectful and mean. I'm talking about your tone, your words and your actions. If you choose to be rude, you'll lose your phone for a day. No negotiating. If it happens again, you'll lose it another day. That's all for now."

--mom of 2 teenagers and former 6th grade teacher

+ 1000.

This OP. Please do not allow her to indulge herself with this behavior. This is how adult-level self-centeredness is born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has been going on for a day? Time's up.

"I understand how disappointed you are to miss this sleepover. You can feel sad about the situation. What you don't get to do is be rude, disrespectful and mean. I'm talking about your tone, your words and your actions. If you choose to be rude, you'll lose your phone for a day. No negotiating. If it happens again, you'll lose it another day. That's all for now."

--mom of 2 teenagers and former 6th grade teacher

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been going on for a day? Time's up.

"I understand how disappointed you are to miss this sleepover. You can feel sad about the situation. What you don't get to do is be rude, disrespectful and mean. I'm talking about your tone, your words and your actions. If you choose to be rude, you'll lose your phone for a day. No negotiating. If it happens again, you'll lose it another day. That's all for now."

--mom of 2 teenagers and former 6th grade teacher

+1

Yup. This. Nothing more needs to be said.

[Anonymous]

I understand you are disappointed. Stay in your room (no wi fi) until you are ready to join the human race.

[Anonymous]

I have no patience for moping, as my kids basically want for nothing. I tell them to snap out of it or stay in their room until they have a better attitude.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just ignore it?

[Anonymous]

Poor her.

I would suggest some option she usually finds fun in exchange for an attitude change. A movie, a game, walking to get Starbucks, baking cookies together, whatever that doesn't cost too much, if she puts a brave face on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just ignore it?

That's pretty much what OP did all day yesterday. The question was how to handle things today if it continues. There is a point where ignoring tips over into tacit approval for rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor her.

I would suggest some option she usually finds fun in exchange for an attitude change. A movie, a game, walking to get Starbucks, baking cookies together, whatever that doesn't cost too much, if she puts a brave face on it.

God no. Do you have to be bribed in order not to be a bitch? That's essentially what you are suggesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor her.

I would suggest some option she usually finds fun in exchange for an attitude change. A movie, a game, walking to get Starbucks, baking cookies together, whatever that doesn't cost too much, if she puts a brave face on it.

God no. Do you have to be bribed in order not to be a bitch? That's essentially what you are suggesting.

I agree PP. Decent behavior is not something to be done "in exchange for." This is how we end up with entitled, bratty adults.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm happy to report she snapped out of it herself. Last night she came downstairs and gently said she was having trouble sleeping. She snuggled up to me for a bit, gave me a hug and kiss and went back to bed. Her way of saying I'm sorry for being a brat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just ignore it?

Being crabby and mean isn't something you ignore.