Reply to How long do I allow 12 yo DD to mope?

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[quote=Anonymous]Now that she's snapped out of it, I would make sure to plan something fun on the day/evening OF the sleepover to distract her, or you'll be right back to where you started.

Even if her friends don't mean to rub it in her face or make her feel badly, chances are they'll be posting videos & pictures to Musical.y & Snapchat during the party (because that's just what kids do nowadays) & when she sees that, she'll be in that very same mopey, pissy behavior... only worse.

ALL teens suffer from FOMO nowadays (Fear Of Missing Out) & we did too, I think some of us are forgetting how we felt when we missed out on something "important" as a teen... it was like the world was ending, so I can empathize with her (although I dont condone the bad behavior).  The major difference between when we missed out on things & them missing out today, is that we didn't have the internet & the "fun" wasn't posted real time for all to see.  If we missed out on a party when we were kids & your friends were good friends, they minimized how much fun it was.  You didn't find out for yourself just how much fun it was until their parents got the film developed (which was usually weeks later, if ever at all & by then, something else was life shattering).

I'd say for you to plan a fun outing with family on the day/evening of the party, this way she won't just be moping around seeing what they are doing.  Also, have her leave her phone behind at wherever you'll be staying, so she doesn't see all the fun she's missing out on (even if you go the route of "ooops leave her phone behind accidentally").  Yes, she'll still be upset & jealous of missing out, but this way if she sees it the next morning, it'll be a lot less harsh than having to wonder & imagine on all the fun that she's potentially missing out on.  She could see it the next morning & think "wow, that party was really lame without me there... I was silly to get so upset about missing out on it".

When all else fails, there's always the route of Facetime/Skype.  This way she can be there in spirit & won't feel like she's completely missing out.

I'm afraid to say mom, this horse will definitely be rearing it's ugly head again when the actual party happens, but you can minimize her level of "devastation"... as with ALL kids of any age, it's all about distraction, distraction, distraction.

Good luck momma!  :) [/quote]

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